


Who am I?

by MarvelObsessedgirl3



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Aunt & Uncle Avengers, Aunt Natasha Romanov, Avengers Family, Awesome Natasha Romanov, Bucky Barnes Has Nightmares, Depression, Domestic Avengers, Eating Disorders, Movie Night, Natasha Romanov Is Not A Robot, Natasha Romanov Is a Good Bro, Nightmares, Peter Parker Has Issues, Peter Parker Has Panic Attacks, Peter Parker Has a Family, Peter Parker Needs a Hug, Peter Parker is a Mess, Protective Natasha Romanov, Self-Harm, The Avengers Are Good Bros, Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Has A Heart, Tony Stark Has Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-24
Updated: 2019-09-08
Packaged: 2020-07-19 04:49:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 26
Words: 70,493
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19968295
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MarvelObsessedgirl3/pseuds/MarvelObsessedgirl3
Summary: Peter is living with the Avengers, after his Aunt May died 3 weeks ago. He is struggling with his mental health, how long will it be before Natasha realises and finds out and can she save him from himself, or will her old demons come back to haunt her?Set after homecoming but in this story Peter is 14 and is very close to the Avengers - who have known about him being Spiderman for a while:)Natasha and Peter centric story 💕





	1. Knife Edge

**Author's Note:**

> Hi all - this story deals with self harm, eating disorders and other mental health issues. Please don't read if you are easily triggered by this.  
> Stay Strong <3
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
> xx

Peter Parker sighed as he swung into the boundary of the Avengers compound. He had just stopped another 4 robberies, but somehow no amount of crime he stopped, made him feel any better about himself. Being Spider-Man used to be a rush, almost like he was someone else completely for a little while, but now he always seemed to feel just he was just Peter Parker – the boy who was bullied daily at school, who watched his Aunt and Uncle die, the boy who lived with the Avengers now – adopted by Tony Stark, the boy who wasn’t eating; the boy who cut himself daily, the boy who wanted to die. 

‘Stupid stomach.’ He muttered as his stomach gave a particularly loud rumble. He hadn’t eaten much the past few weeks – even with his super strength. After his Aunt had been killed suddenly in a car crash 3 weeks ago, he had barely done anything. He felt like a piece of him had died too.

Peter had known the Avengers before May’s death luckily and Tony was already named to be his primary guardian if anything happened to her – which became official after she died, so Peter was happy he wasn’t in foster care and could live at the Avengers Compound. However, he had sunk into an emotional depressive state – as described by Natasha Romanoff. He loved all of the Avengers, but Peter had a special place for Tony and Natasha – as he spent most of his time with Tony in the lab and Natasha was always there for him if he needed to talk; and because of this, they had decided to kind of co-parent him to an extent – with the rest of the team also lending a hand. 

Peter had had troubles with mental health in the past – especially with self-harm and his eating habits – but he hadn’t told anyone, only May knew and now that she was dead, Peter felt completely alone, despite having the entire team of Avengers around him all of the time. He felt that he couldn’t tell them that he had started to cut almost daily again and didn’t eat and threw up any food he consumed – like he had done since the age of 12, as Spider-Man couldn’t be seen to be weak in any way, so he suffered in silence. He had gotten better the past few years, but since May died, he felt utterly overwhelmed again.

He checked to see that he was alone and he lifted up the sleeves of his Spider-Man suit slightly, looking at the mixture of thin faded white lines and the vivid red lines that littered his wrists. He closed his eyes and a tear slipped down his cheeks as he remembered the joy he had felt in cutting that morning and the relief it brought him. He sniffed and brought a hand up to wipe away the stray tears. Cutting had become almost a daily habit again since May died and he had started to use food to control his emotions again – by restricting what he was eating to almost nothing. May had helped him to get a control on his mental health issues to an extent over the years, but since she had passed, he felt utterly helpless to his inner demons. He felt so alone and useless, even being Spider-Man and stopping crime wasn’t making him feel better – it hadn’t since before May died. He shook his head and took a few shuddery breaths to compose himself as he swung through the training grounds, jumped onto the side of the main building and swung through the open window to the communal living room.

‘Hey Kid.’ Tony greeted, as Peter landed almost silently onto the carpeted floor. Peter pulled his mask off and gave the room at large his largest fake smile. 

‘Hi Mr Stark, hi everyone. What’re you all doing?’ He glanced around the living room and saw Steve and Bucky sat on one sofa playing a card game; Bruce was asleep, next to Sam, Rhodey and Wanda – who were sat together on another sofa watching TV – some sort of monster film by the looks of it; Natasha and Clint were sat together on a recliner, sharing headphones, whilst watching something on Clint’s phone and Tony was sat in an armchair on his StarkPad, drinking presumably coffee – despite it being almost half past eleven at night. 

‘Nothing much, just chilling. How was patrol?’ Tony asked, as Peter walked over to him and perched on the armrest, yawning widely. 

‘Good thanks. I stopped another 4 robberies, a mugging and someone stupidly set off a ton of fireworks in Central Park, so I webbed them all up and waited for the police. Apart from that, it was pretty quiet actually.’ He stretched and Tony ruffled his hair fondly as Steve smiled at Peter and started talking.

‘Grab a bite to eat Son, we had Chinese for dinner and there’s some egg fried rice left for you.’ Peter inwardly groaned as he looked into the kitchen and saw tubs of leftover Chinese Takeaway, littering the countertops. 

How many calories would that be?  
Would his suit even fit him anymore if he kept eating this late?  
How many takeaways had he even eaten this week alone? 

Peter thanked him, but didn’t make a move to get up, instead he pretended to rub his eyes tiredly, earning him multiple fond smiles from members of the team.

‘What’s up Pete? Don’t you want any? Thought with your weird freaky spider metabolism, that you’d be starving by now?’ Tony questioned as Peter sighed heavily and put his head on Tony’s shoulder. 

‘I’m just really tired Mr Stark, honestly I’m fine. Think I’m going to head to bed actually.’ He mumbled, as Tony started combing his fingers through Peter’s curls.  
Tony frowned for a spilt second and then chuckled as Peter yawned widely and rubbed his eyes sleepily. 

‘Go ahead then Kid, you do look pretty tired. Don’t forget that it’s school in the morning – do you want me to drive you?’

‘No thanks, I’ll walk, I urrr…I’m meeting Ned anyway to finish his new lego set.’ He lied.  
Tony nodded and Peter then bade everyone goodnight and made his way to his bedroom. 

He flopped down on his bed and sighed in relief. That was close. He was starting to run out of excuses about not eating or not eating very much in front of them all, but luckily since May died, nobody had said anything to him about his eating habits so far. He sat up and rubbed his eyes. He had only eaten an apple and a jam sandwich that day, with his spider metabolism, that had been burned off at least 6 hours ago. His stomach rumbled in agreement. He groaned at having to get up at 5am to get the subway to school for 8am, but he had to keep active – he couldn’t gain any weight, and this way, he wouldn’t have to suffer through breakfast, as nobody – except maybe Steve (who ran early in the mornings), would be awake at that time. He yawned and pulled his suit off, got ready for bed and fell into another night of restless slumber and nightmares.


	2. Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is struggling to keep his mental health a secret from the Avengers and a bad day at school makes things a million times worse.

‘Hey Peter. Are you alright?’ Steve asked as he walked into the kitchen, opened the fridge and poured himself a glass of fresh orange juice. He looked over at Peter, who was slumped over the Kitchen Island, drinking a large cup of black coffee - grimacing at the bitter taste and was rubbing tiredly at his eyes.

‘Yeah, morning Mr Rogers, I’m just really tired. How was your run?’ He replied, stifling a yawn. Unbeknownst to Steve, Peter had actually only had about 2 hours sleep that night, plagued with nightmares as usual – which seemed to be getting worse, not better. Peter had cut himself multiple times that morning already – hidden by his long sleeve jumper, but as he looked at Steve, he put on another fake smile and tightened his grip on his coffee mug, which burnt his hands slightly, in an effort to stay awake.

Steve surveyed Peter over his glass of orange juice. He thought that something seemed off about Peter – more so recently, but he couldn’t put his finger on it, so he decided to investigate stealthily.

‘It was good thanks, not many people are up at this time, so I don’t get recognised which is always a good thing. How did you sleep last night? Not good by the looks of it – you’re basically a mini version of Tony, drinking coffee like that.’ He chuckled.

Peter’s eyes flashed briefly with an emotion that Steve couldn’t decipher and then he schooled his expression into his usual relaxed one.

‘I slept fine thanks, I thought I’d get a coffee boost and walk to school this morning and get the subway. I’m meeting MJ for some studying before first period. Finals are coming up in a few months and I want to be prepared.’ He downed the rest of his coffee, ignoring the searing pain as it burnt his throat and proceeded to stand up, when Steve raised an eyebrow at him.

‘What?’

‘I thought last night, you said that you were meeting Ned to finish his new lego set?’

Peter felt his stomach drop, then put on a nonchalant expression. ‘Yeah, we’re all meeting in our common room to study and then do some lego.’ He smiled at Steve, who frowned for a few seconds, then smiled and waved as Peter hurriedly left the room to go to school.

Peter all but ran into the elevator, which took him down to the ground floor and gasped in relief at his ability to lie on the spot. He decided then and there that he had to start lying better, or else the Avengers would start to find out about his cutting, sleeping and eating habits. He wondered briefly if Steve already was slightly suspicious, but he shook that thought off and made his way to school.

‘Something is definitely up with that Kid.’ Steve muttered, standing up to get some cereal. Then he had an idea – usually he wouldn’t pry like this, but he had a bad feeling that Peter was hiding something, now he came to think of it, the Kid had been very isolated and down lately – obviously due to his Aunt dying, but he had a nagging feeling that there was something else going on.

‘Hey Friday?’

 _‘Good Morning Captain Rogers, how can I be of assistance?’'_ The AI responded immediately.

‘Morning Fri. I was just wondering if you knew of anything that’s going on with Peter, you know apart from being upset about his Aunt?’

Friday hesitated and then started to speak, if an AI had emotions, then Steve would have definitely said that she sounded almost concerned.

‘ _I have asked Karen – Peter’s AI, and she said that despite being slightly more anxious than usual, everything is fine with Peter whilst he is on patrol. However, Peter has not been sleeping more than a few hours a night without having some kind of night terror. He appears to be very sad – but this could be due to lack of sleep. I suggest you speak with him directly Captain.’_

‘Ok, thanks Friday.’ Steve sighed and took his cereal to the Kitchen island. He thought that Peter constantly looked tired and unfortunately in their line of work, nightmares were part of the job, but he still felt like there was something else going on. Steve ate his cereal in silence and decided to just keep an eye on Peter, rather than directly confront him – as he didn’t want him to feel like he was being interrogated. He made a mental note to see Bruce and ask about sleeping pills for Peter.

Steve finished his cereal and went to wash up, when Natasha walked into the kitchen, grabbed a breakfast pastry and stood next to him, looking at him intently.

‘What’s going on?’ She asked, Steve looked over at her and frowned.

‘How do you know there’s something going on?’

‘You’re tapping your leg, which you only do when you’re anxious about something.’ She said pointedly. Steve looked down at his leg and sighed.

‘I’m just worried about the Kid.’

‘Peter? Yeah, we all are. It’s been a really difficult few weeks for him, but hopefully soon he’ll be alright. Did anything happen?’ She hoisted herself up onto the kitchen counter and took a bite out of her pastry, looking at Steve, who sighed and dried his hands, then moved to Natasha’s other side and leant back.

‘I went on my run as normal and I come back to find him drinking a giant mug of black coffee – which I’m assuming due to the almost empty tub off coffee and bags under his eyes, wasn’t his first cup. Then I ask him about how he’s sleeping and he just seemed off.’

Natasha frowned. ‘Off how?’

‘Just…sad I guess, I know it’s obviously because of his Aunt, but there just seems to be something else that I can’t put my finger on. I asked Friday if she knew of anything else going on, but she just said to ask him directly and said he isn’t sleeping well – which I had already guessed.’ Natasha nodded as she finished her pastry and moved over to get a cup of coffee.

‘We all just need to be there for him, he’s handling it remarkably well. He literally had like a week off school before he went back and dealt amazingly well at the funeral, his finals are coming up and all the crap with Spiderman…he’s got a lot on. We all have… we all have to be there for him. Tony told us that even though he is the ‘legal’ guardian on paper, we all have that responsibility to the Kid now.’

Steve nodded in agreement. ‘Yeah, I’ll go ask Bruce about a sleeping pill and maybe mention it to Peter in passing, maybe it’ll help. What are you doing today then Nat?’

‘Nothing really, probably training – you know the usual, beating Clint’s ass. You?’

‘Me, Bucky, Wanda and Sam are going shopping, Tony’s gave us all credit cards with basically an unlimited balance last week, and we thought we’d put them to good use – you and Clint fancy coming with?’

Natasha smirked, ‘do you even have to ask?’ Steve smiled and shook his head in amusement.

***

‘Peter, you have to eat more than that! What about your…spider metabolism?’ Ned whispered, looking at Peter who shrugged.

‘Not hungry.’ He muttered, pushing his plate of barely eaten food away. It was lunchtime and Peter, Ned and MJ were sat at table in the corner of the canteen. Peter looked at his barely touched meal of beef stew and felt his stomach flip. He inhaled through his mouth to try and stop the oncoming feeling of nausea.

‘You’ve barely eaten anything all week! Also, did you finish that assignment yet – you said you’d pass me the notes on it, but you haven’t yet. Are you just stressed about finals, because they aren’t for like another few months?’ Ned asked as Peter groaned.

‘I’m just tired Ned, oh god the assignment - dammit. I forgot. Sorry, I’ll do it tonight.’ He mumbled putting his head on his arms. He felt his eyes begin to droop, when all of a sudden he felt something sharp poke his arm.

‘Ow!’

MJ looked at him pointedly, the glint of a sharp pencil being put away in her bag.

‘School is for learning not sleeping. That’s what a bed is for.’

Peter scowled, rubbing his arm angrily. ‘I’m not sleeping well alright? Just give me a break MJ.’

‘What about how you’re barely eating and you never message us much anymore?’

‘Yeah, you said we were having a study session like yesterday and you bailed. That’s like the third time this week.’ Ned interjected, raising an eyebrow at Peter who was taking deep breaths in an effort to calm down.

‘Peter, we’re just worried about you man, ever since May died, you’ve been so isolated, we just feel like you’re pushing us away, we want to be there for you, but we can’t do anything if you don’t talk to us.’ Ned said sadly, looking at Peter who felt his temper rising higher.

‘Yeah, what Ned said.’ MJ agreed, taking a large bite of her sandwich, which made Peter’s stomach rumble, he felt really sick by this point and felt his hands start to shake – the beginning of a panic attack looming. ‘Look I’m fine. I don’t want to talk about this anymore.’

‘Just tell us what’s going on! And why are you wearing a jumper in this weather? It’s the middle of June!’ Ned replied, looking concerned.

‘I’m cold.’ Peter bit his lip and felt the taste of metallic blood in his mouth, as he tried to focus on the pain instead of his shaking hands, which he hid in his jumper pockets.

Ned and MJ looked sceptically at him and Peter felt his temper reaching a boiling point.

‘You’re our best friend, we just want to help you.’ Ned said softly

‘Peter? What’s goin…’

‘JUST LEAVE ME ALONE, BOTH OF YOU.’ He yelled, slamming his hand down on the table. All eyes in the school canteen turned to their table, as Peter pulled his bag on his bag and stormed out of the canteen. 

_Can’tbreathe_

_Can’tbreathe_

_Can’tbreathe_

Peter ran through the school, scribbled his name down on the leaving paper through blurry eyes and pushed open the front door, ignoring the shouts from the receptionist and a few teachers behind him. He had to get away.

After running for a few minutes, he collapsed in a heap behind a flower bush, shielding him from prying eyes as he started taking huge breaths in an effort to calm himself down. Tears ran down his cheeks as he remembered that May would always help him through his panic attacks and now he had no-one to call. He curled up into a ball and waited for his attack to ride out, as tears cascaded down his cheeks. He felt all alone. His panic attacks had been much more frequent since her death, but never at school like this before.

10 minutes later, which felt like an hour to Peter, finally he began to breathe normally again and he pulled himself up into a sitting position. He sniffed and took out his phone, looking at all the missed calls and messages from MJ and Ned. He glanced at the time – which was a little after 1pm and turned his phone off. Sighing, he suddenly felt very exposed sitting behind the flower bush. He knew he couldn’t go back to the compound, as Tony would freak out that he’d left early – luckily the school wouldn’t have told him that Peter had left, as he had 2 free periods that afternoon. He felt lonely but he didn’t want to talk to anyone, he wanted to be left alone.

‘Where can I go to hide and blend in, but not be bothered by anyone?’ He mused, standing up, hoisting his bag onto his back – as at some point it had fallen on the ground during his panic attack. He thought for a few minutes and then suddenly he smiled slightly as he thought of the perfect place.

About half an hour later, Peter could be found walking the streets of New York, oddly calmed by the familiar crowds that surrounded him, who completely ignored him, leaving him to his own devices. He went into a few different shops, browsing the shelves, then he checked the time and decided to make his way back to the compound – as it was 3pm and by that time, school would have finished; when he spotted 6 very familiar figures across the road, deeply engrossed in shopping. Grinning, he made his way towards them.


	3. Unconscious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finds some of the Avengers shopping at Build-A-Bear and his lack of eating finally catches up to him.

‘Clint you can’t seriously buy that.’

‘Yes I can, I don’t want him to get cold.’

‘Him?’

‘Obviously it’s a him – he’s called Steve, that’s why he’s dressed in blue.’

‘Fuck off Clint.’

‘Natasha – are you finished yet?’

‘I can’t decide between the ballet slippers and the tutu.’

‘Buy both – we have Tony’s credit cards!’

‘I want the red jacket!’

‘No that sucks, I like this one, it reminds me of my suit.’

‘Your suit is black, not green and black.’

‘Whatever man, don’t these shoes scream fashion though?!’

‘Yeah, but these pink ones look cuter!’

‘I’m not dressing him in pink.’

‘Hey Pete!’

‘Peter?’

‘What are you doing here Kid? Help me decide between these!’

‘Peter doesn’t this one look like a Steve?’

‘Clint shut up. Hi Peter – what are you doing here aren’t you meant to be in school?’

Peter laughed as he entered the shop, where he found Steve, Wanda, Natasha, Bucky, Clint and Sam, all arguing, surrounded by walls of bears and miniature clothes.

‘Build a bear, guys? Really?’ He laughed as he made his way over to the group, who had taken to trying different outfits on their chosen bears.

‘Well, we all were shopping and Clint really wanted to come in here and somehow we’ve all been roped into making our own bears.’ Wanda replied, pulling a very pink dress onto her purple and pink spotted bear.

‘Blame Barton.’ Natasha said, holding up two different ballet tutus, trying to decide what to put on her brown fluffy bear.

‘Dudes, you’re all just as invested as I am.’ Clint replied, nodding his head in satisfaction at his yellow bear, which he had just finished dressing. It was donning a pizza costume and wellington boots – which Bucky and Sam were both smiling at.

Peter burst out laughing at the sight of 6 of the world’s mightiest heroes, all with their own Build-a-Bear, dressing them with very serious expressions on their faces.

‘Why aren’t you at school Peter? Is everything alright?’ Steve questioned, as his eyes glanced at the grass stains on Peter’s jeans – from when he collapsed behind the flower bush whilst he was having a panic attack earlier.

‘I had 2 free periods and needed some time to just relax, so I decided to browse some shops for a bit.’ He lied easily, helping Natasha to dress her bear in a very sparkly pink tutu and matching ballet slippers.

Steve nodded and turned his attention to Bucky, who was struggling to put a pair of jeans on his bear.

‘We were going to go and get some food, you can come with us Kid and we’ll drive you back to the compound after.’ Natasha said, taking a mental note at how Peter suddenly tensed up before schooling his expression into a neutral one.

‘I was just going to go and urrr…do some work and go to bed early. Honestly I’ll see you guys later.’

Steve and Natasha’s eyes met in silent understanding as Steve grasped Peter’s arm – as he had made a move to leave. ‘Don’t be silly Peter, you’ve got to eat. Come on, where do you want to go?’

‘Yeah, it’ll be fun!’ Natasha interjected, winking at Peter, who looked like he was about to throw up. She took note of the grass stains too, but also his eyes, which were slightly bloodshot and puffy – an indication that he had been crying.

Peter blinked stupidly for a few seconds, trying to come up with another excuse, but he couldn’t think of anything, so he agreed to join the rest of the group for a meal after they left Build-a-Bear, declining politely when he was asked by Bucky if he wanted to make his own bear.

After a huge tantrum from Clint about Build-A-Bear not making matching pizza shoes and three changes in outfits from both Sam and Bucky, the group finally paid for their bears and clothes. Steve had bought a blue bear, which was sporting a very smart tuxedo and shiny black boots. Wanda’s bear was purple and pink spotted, wearing a very pink dress and matching shoes and held a red rose. Sam and Bucky had chosen the same black bear – but Sam had chosen an army outfit and black boots for his, whereas Bucky had chosen jeans, shoes and a hoodie for his. Natasha had chosen a fluffy brown bear, which was wearing a beautiful pale pink uni-tard, a sparkly pink tutu and baby pink ballet slippers and had a matching bow on one of its ears. Clint had chosen a yellow bear, which was wearing a giant pizza slice costume and after almost 10 minutes of arguing with a cast member about matching shoes, he had decided not to buy shoes for his, but bought it a bow and arrow – as he said that his bear needed to be able to protect itself- which Peter had laughed at for about 10 minutes.

‘Everything paid for?’ Steve asked the group, who nodded in unison. ‘Great, let’s go then. Where do we want to eat?’

‘Chinese.’

‘No we had that last night doofus.’

‘So?’

‘I’d like a mcdonalds please!’

‘Pizza? My bear wants a slice of pizza to match his outfit!’

‘Anywhere that’s nearest and has wine.’

Peter kept his head down and followed the group, as they argued about where they wanted to eat, ignoring the painful rumbles of his stomach. He couldn’t get out of this, they were all going to see him eat and realise how fat he was. He tried to take a few breaths to calm himself down, but he felt his vision tunnelling and the last thing he remembered was darkness, as he fainted.

‘…n’t see him eat breakfast.’

‘…eat last night either after patrol.’

‘…iling in that jumper.’

‘Clint, get a bottle of water out of my bag.’

‘He’s waking up, Steve, help me lift him onto his bench.’

Peter groaned and swallowed down a mouthful of bile as he opened his eyes, the pavement and 6 blurry human shapes swam before him, as he felt himself being lifted onto a hard surface by a metal arm and three human ones. He sighed heavily as he realised what had happened, as his eyes adjusted to his surroundings and 6 worried faces.

‘Peter?’

‘Hey Kid, you ok?’

Peter realised that Natasha was helping him to sit up and was pushing a bottle of water towards his mouth. He tentatively took a few sips and instantly felt sick again. He felt really dizzy and swayed alarmingly to one side.

‘Woah Kid. Take it easy. You just fainted. When was the last time you ate?’

‘Yeah, with your spider metabolism, you need at least double of a normal human.’

Peter squeezed his eyes shut and tried to think of a good enough lie.

‘I…I urrr…had lunch.’ He managed, noticing the disbelieving looks on Steve and Natasha’s faces.

‘Ok, new question, how much did you eat?’ Steve asked. Natasha had started to pull Peters jumper off – having seen the sweat glisten on his forehead. Peter realised what she was doing and stood up immediately, earning him frowns from the team. Unfortunately, Peter wasn’t quick enough, and Natasha had seen one of his sleeves slip slightly, revealing bloody lines across his wrist. She inhaled sharply under her breath, subtly took out her phone and excused herself to make a phone-call. Nobody seemed to notice, as they were all looking at Peter, who was determinedly staring at his shoes.

‘I’m cold, really cold. I haven’t been sleeping well. I’m just overtired. I didn’t eat much, you know how school food is.’ Peter said, adjusting his jumper, so both his hands and arms were completely covered.

They all looked at him sympathetically and proceeded to pick their bags up.

‘No worries Kid. Let’s get some proper food in you, yeah?’ Steve said, grasping Peter’s wrist, which made him gasp in pain – nobody but Natasha noticed, who had stealthily reappeared beside Clint, wearing a completely blank expression.

Peter knew he couldn’t get out of this now. So he allowed himself to be led down the busy roads of New York, by the team.

‘Let’s just go in here, it’s nearest.’ Steve said, leading them all into a fancy looking restaurant. Peter thought that they must all look weird, 6 Avengers with large Build-A-Bear boxes and a 14 year old kid, wearing his school uniform, going into such a fancy restaurant.

They were all seated quickly, as it wasn’t a peak time of day, and they chose a table in the corner – to avoid prying eyes. Peter sat down first, Natasha slid in next to him, and the others chose their seats.

‘I need to text Tony that you’re with us Pete.’ Steve announced; Peter immediately panicked.

‘Please don’t tell him that I fainted, I don’t want him to worry!’

Steve looked sceptical but nodded and pulled out his phone.

‘I’ve just messaged him saying that you’re with us and not to worry.’ Steve said, looking over at Peter, who nodded.

‘Thanks Mr Rogers.’ He mumbled, pretending to take an interest in the menu, when he was really looking at the calories of each dish.

After a few minutes, they all ordered, Steve forced Peter to pick a main and a side dish to prevent another fainting episode and they all fell into different conversations, sipping at their drinks which had been served quickly.

‘So Kid. How was school?’ Natasha asked, as Peter picked at the hem of his jumper sleeve, avoiding her eyes.

‘Fine.’ He shrugged.

‘Finals are soon right? Must be stressful.’ She said pointedly.

‘What? Oh, right, yeah…got loads of assignments to do. They aren’t hard it’s just time consuming, but it’s better than thinking about all the…I mean, it’s better than watching TV and stuff.’ He continued picking at his jumper but had started to bite his lip – tasting the familiar pang of metallic blood.

Natasha looked at him intently and took a long sip of her red wine. ‘There can’t be a rainbow without rain.’ She said simply. Peter looked up at her in confusion at the sudden change in topic.

‘Oh, yeah I guess so.’ He replied frowning, as she smirked and continued talking.

‘I used to find it weird that something so beautiful and unique, was made with rain – which is perceived by many as dull and full of sadness, in contrast with the sun, which is associated with happiness. I have now come to realise that in the darkest times, there is always a rainbow somewhere ahead, you just have to stay out in the rain a little longer.’ Natasha reached over and squeezed Peter’s hand gently, he felt his eyes blur with tears, but blinked them away and smiled at her.

‘Thanks Auntie Nat.’

‘No worries Kid. Ah, foods here.’ Peter looked up at the waiters, who were dishing out the food to the team.

‘Food? Yes I’m starving, I’m practically wasting away.’

‘Clint you literally ate like an hour ago.’

‘So?’ He shrugged at Bucky as he started to eat his large meat feast pizza happily.

Peter looked down at his meal and tried to stay calm. He looked around the table at everyone happily talking and eating.

‘What’s up Peter? Don’t you like it?’ Natasha asked, noticing Peters untouched salad and plate of lasagne.

‘No, it’s fine, I’m just daydreaming.’ He muttered, taking a large forkful of food. He took a deep breath and put it in his mouth, almost smiling at the relief of finally allowing himself to eat something that day properly. _I won’t put weight on with this right? I’m allowed one meal a day – this will be fine…_

Peter surprised himself, when he realised that he had managed to eat the whole of his meal. Everyone else finished eating soon afterwards and Peter tried to control his overwhelming feelings of guilt, over how much he had eaten as he looked at his empty plate. He spotted the restroom on the other side of the room and excused himself.

He flung himself into a cubicle and threw up his entire dinner, until there was nothing left in him but bile – which made him sick again, burning the back of his throat, as tears streamed down his face. He finished being sick, flushed the toilet and washed his mouth out with water, he looked in the mirror for the first time that day. He looked truly awful. His eyes were all red and puffy, his skin looked grey and sunken in places, his cheeks were slightly chipmunk like – due to all the throwing up the past few weeks and his eyes looked lifeless.

He battled against the onslaught of tears, which threatened to spill out of his eyes as he stepped out of the bathroom and went to join the rest of the group, who were now waiting for him by the front door, ready to go back to the compound.

***

Peter watched as buildings and trees whizzed past the windows of one of Tony’s sports cars, which Natasha was driving back to the compound. Peter kept looking out of the window, occasionally responding to questions from team mates, not noticing that Natasha was glancing at him periodically in the rearview mirror.

‘…ter?’

‘Peter?’ Peter jolted upright and looked around rapidly at who was speaking to him. Bucky was looking at him quizzically.

‘What? Sorry Mr Barnes, I was daydreaming.’

‘Yeah, I can see that Kiddo. We just wondered if you fancied a movie night tonight, because you don’t patrol on Wednesdays?’

Movie nights meant lots of junk food, lots of pop and sugary snacks and a lot of conversations – conversations that Peter really didn’t want to have, he just wanted to be left alone.

‘No thanks, I’ve got some homework to do tonight.’

Bucky nodded and the rest of the team started discussing movie options, as Natasha pulled up into the compound and scanned her badge at the gate, waiting for clearance.

_‘Welcome Back Agent Romanoff, Agent Barton, Captain Rogers, Mr Barnes, Mr Wilson, Miss Maximoff and Mr Parker. Mr Stark has told me to inform you to ‘get your asses in the living room right now.’_

‘Great, nice to see that Stark is in a good mood.’ Natasha replied, driving up the lane. They all stepped out of the car and made their way into the living room, holding their bags of shopping and Build-A-Bear boxes.


	4. Promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha figures out about Peter and manages to help him open up to her<3

Tony was in the kitchen, making a large coffee and reading that morning’s paper, whilst absentmindedly talking to Friday. He looked up when the front door opened and raised an eyebrow.

‘About time. Where the absolute fuck have you all been? I woke up to find you all missing, thinking that you’d been called on a mission or something, then Friday tells me that you all went shopping – and without me?!’

‘We planned this yesterday and you refused.’ Wanda replied simply, walking into the living room and taking her bear out of its box.

‘Oh right. Well, Friday kindly informed me a few hours ago that you’ve spent almost a thousand dollars between you all on the EMERGENCY credit cards! You’ve been gone for…’ Tony checked his watch dramatically, ‘…almost 10 hours!’

‘Yeah well, blame Clint for that – we ended up spending at least three of those hours in Build-A-Bear and you gave us those credit cards, so we thought we’d use them.’ Steve said, as Tony looked around at all the Build-A-Bear boxes. Everyone then took out their bears showing them to Tony proudly, who looked at them like they were made of garbage.

‘You seriously used the EMERGENCY credit-cards, to buy teddy bears?’ He looked around at them all dumbfounded, shaking his head in exasperation.

They all shrugged and nodded happily.

‘It’s like living with children.’

‘Oi!’ Peter interrupted, smiling as Tony winked at him and ruffled his hair fondly.

‘Hey Kid, how come you’re with them all? Capsicle messaged me, saying that he’d run into you and you’d skipped the afternoon lessons at school?’

‘It was just 2 free periods Mr Stark. I wanted to relax for a bit and I ended up bumping into this lot in the city.’ Peter said, as Tony nodded.

‘Yes and Peter missed out on lunch and then decided to pass out on us.’ Clint said, running around the kitchen making his bear dance around, as Sam and Bucky chased him – Wanda used her powers to levitate her own bear, following them as they all ran into the living room.

Tony blinked and looked angrily at Steve. ‘What the fuck?! What do you mean the Kid fainted? Why didn’t you call me?!’ Steve sighed and attempted to placate the situation.

‘Don’t worry Tony, he was only out for a few seconds and we took him to a restaurant where we all had a meal. He’s fine now, just a bit tired, we didn’t see the point in worrying you.’

‘He’s my responsibility. I need to know these things.’

‘Sorry Tony, it was my fault. I just didn’t want you to worry.’

Tony sighed heavily and nodded, then turned his attention to Peter, who was looking at his shoes, feeling very guilty about lying to Tony.

‘Don’t be mad at Mr Rogers, I told him not to tell you, I didn’t want you to worry Mr Stark!’ Tony shook his head and hugged him.

‘I’ll always worry about you Bambino, are you feeling ok now?’ Peter nodded and rubbed his eyes tiredly.

‘Homework?’

‘Yeah.’ He groaned, looking at his bag, which was full to busting.

‘Get it done quick and then get an early night, ok? I want you in bed for 10.’

Peter grimaced, then nodded quickly as Tony raised an eyebrow at him.

‘Good, off you go Kid.’ Peter smiled, picked his bag up and made his way upstairs.

***

_‘Mr Parker. Boss has told me to inform you that your bedtime is in 10 minutes.’_

Peter looked up from his biology assignment and realised that it was almost 10pm. He still had at least 10 pages to read and had yet to turn his phone back on from earlier. He sighed and rubbed his face tiredly, piling up his assignment on his desk and proceeded to get ready for bed.

Peter slid into his bed and groaned as he tried to mentally prepare for another sleepless night, when there was a knock on his door.

‘Come in.’ He called tiredly, turning onto his side, facing his door.

‘Hey Kid, you ok? I wanted to talk to you, if that’s ok?’ Natasha came into his bedroom and sat on the edge of his bed. He nodded and yawned.

‘Peter. I know that these past few weeks have been horrible for you, but I want you to know that all of us are here for you, ok? No matter what you’re going through, whatever you’ve done or anything like that. I don’t want to pry, but I need you to know that all of us are here for you. Is there anything that you want to talk to me about?’ Peter felt the familiar lump in his throat as he looked at Natasha, who looked quite motherly, wearing long pajama pants and a vest top, hair tied back in a long Russian plait; she reminded him of May. He remembered when May would come into his room, wearing similar clothes to Natasha and would comfort him after a bad day, she would tell him a story and sing him to sleep, he felt a tear trickle down his face as he realised that she would never do that again…

‘мой маленький паук, talk to me, please, I just want to help you.’ Natasha soothed, stroking Peters curls, as he started to cry fully into his pillow.

‘I…I ju…just mi…miss h…her s…so m…much a…and I d…don’t k…know what t…to do...’ He wailed through heart wrenching sobs, as Natasha pulled him towards her and hugged him, rocking him back and forth in what she hoped was a soothing manner.

‘I know…shhh.’ Natasha soothed. She had decided to confront Peter directly about what she had seen earlier and she had a brainwave of how to go about it, without making him more upset.

‘Can I tell you a story?’

Peter looked at her quizzically and nodded hesitantly, trying to stop crying. He sat up and Natasha sat next to him, carding her fingers through his curls, and pulled his Star Wars duvet over them both. 

‘Once Upon a Time, there was a little girl. She lived in a large school and didn’t have any friends. She was taken from her family at a young age and was brought up to be trained in many different things.’ Peter sniffled and looked at her, much like a young child would when they were told a story.

‘The school decided that she was the best student that they had ever seen, so they decided to treat her differently from the others. The girl didn’t understand why she was punished so much if she did something wrong - compared to everyone else, but she didn’t complain. One day, the little girl was very upset, as she had failed a training exercise and she was beaten by the head teacher and told that she was nothing and a waste of breath, that she shouldn’t be alive. The girl decided that that must be true, and she took it upon herself to punish herself for not being good enough. The little girl took a knife and hurt herself. She marvelled at the blood and the pain, realising that this was the one thing in her life that she had control over. She had control to hurt herself, how she believed she should be hurt. Years went by and by the time she was old enough, the school had a graduation ceremony – where they took the option of childbearing away from the girl. She was heartbroken, remembering what she had been told throughout her life, that she was nothing.’ Natasha broke off from her story for a second and looked at Peter directly – tears were cascading down his cheeks and Natasha’s heart clenched, but she knew that she needed to continue.

‘That little girl turned back to hurting herself, because she believed that she deserved it. A few years went by and the little girl escaped from the school but turned to bad work. She didn’t know who she was, she felt like a mistake, until one day, a man who was sent to kill her, made a different call. He saved her and made her believe that she was worth something.’

‘Wh…what h…happened?’ Peter whispered through his tears, wide-eyed.

‘The man, saved the girls life – a debt she could never repay him and he helped her to find a new family, one that loves her and one that she loves.’ Natasha smiled at Peter.

‘W…who w…was th…the m…man?’ He asked frowning.

‘The man, has a weird obsession with Vents and carries a bow and arrow and that man saved her life.’ Natasha chuckled as Peter’s eyes widened even more as he realised who the man in the story was.

‘Mr B…Barton? Mr Barton sa…saved the l…little girl? Is she ok n…now?’

Natasha smiled sadly.

‘Sometimes, the little girl has bad dreams and feels like she still doesn’t belong and wants to hurt herself again, but then she looks around at her family and realises that she is loved and doesn’t need to hurt herself anymore. For the first time in her life, that little girl, who grew up, realised that she might finally have a life which ended happily after all.’ She finished her story and looked directly at Peter, who frowned.

‘I told you this story, because I wanted you to know that some people turn to desperate measures if they feel overwhelmed or scared, if they have had a traumatic past or if they just don’t feel good enough. The little girl wanted to hurt herself as a way of both control and punishment. мой маленький паук, have you ever wanted to do that, or have you ever done something like that?’ Natasha whispered as she wiped away a few stray tears from his cheek. Peters face crumpled as he nodded and pulled up his pajama sleeves, bursting into tears.

‘I…I…I’m s…sorry…A…Auntie…N…Nat.’ He cried, as she immediately pulled him onto her lap and planted kisses on the top of his head as he sobbed into her shoulder. He clung to her and cried and cried. Natasha whispered soothing words in Russian to him, whilst rocking him, rubbing circles onto his back, in an effort to comfort him. After a few minutes, Peter looked up at her and whispered, ‘pl…please d…don’t b…be mad Auntie Nat…’ She smiled sadly at him.

‘I’m not mad декта. I’m just worried, but I understand why you did it. Has it been going on for long?’ Peter nodded.

‘S…since I s…saw Uncle B…Ben d…die…A…Aunt M…May k…knew and s…she h…helped m…me bu…but n…now…’ He trailed off as tears fell down his cheeks again.

Natasha nodded in understanding and continued to rub his back, as he sniffled miserably.

‘A…Auntie Nat?’ He asked after a few minutes.

‘Hmm?’

‘Who… w…was the l…little g…girl in your s…story?’ D…did y…you kn…know h…her?’

Natasha stilled, as if debating something, then turned Peter towards her, and lifted up her top slightly, showing hundreds of tiny white lines, faded through time, which lined her stomach. Peter gasped.

‘W…why d…did you t…tell m…th…this…h…how d…did you…k…know…ab…about m…me…I th…thought I…w…was h…hiding it w…well.' He sobbed. 

‘I saw your wrist earlier, when I tried to take your jumper off.’ She explained.

‘You’re living with spies and assassins Kid, one of us was bound to find out eventually. I saw your sleeve, when it slid up and I recognised the marks. Also, I rang your school and they told me that you left upset, you ran away from the teachers and the receptionist when they confronted you. What happened?’

Peter sniffed and wiped his face of stray tears.

‘Oh…I th…thought I was h…hiding it all w…well… I k…keep f…forgetting th…that I’m…living w…with s…spies.’ Peter said, giving her a small smile.

Natasha laughed softly, ‘yeah…you can’t get much past us Kid.’

‘MJ and Ned w…wouldn’t st…stop asking me about May and s…saying that th…they were worried about me…n…not eating. I ha…had a …a…panic att…attack and fell be…behind a flower b…bush.’

Natasha nodded. ‘That explains the grass stains on your jeans.’

‘I’m sorry. I d…didn’t want to appear a…as w…weak. S…Spider-Man is…isn’t weak.’

‘Do you think that I am?’ Natasha asked pointedly

‘No!’

‘Even after what I’ve just told you?’

‘No of course not!’

‘Tony?’

‘No! He’s a superhero!’

Natasha smiled fondly at him. ‘Peter, at least four of us have PTSD, I’ve just told you some of my issues; one of us has attempted suicide at least twice that I know of; someone refuses to sleep in the dark, because it brings back a lot of bad memories; everyone has horrible nightmares and a few of us have troubles with anxiety and panic attacks. Do you think that any of us are weak?’

‘No because you’re not!’

‘Even after I’ve told you all that?’

‘Yes!’

‘So neither are you.’ She said simply. Peter opened his mouth to respond and closed it, when he realised that she was right.

‘Look Kid, we all have baggage, it comes with being human. We have extra shit because of what we do, it’s just how it is. Your Uncle did not die because of you, neither did your Aunt and you have to stop punishing yourself because of it.’ Peter nodded and tried to stifle a yawn, then felt his stomach drop.

‘Are you g…going to t…tell anyone?’

‘No.’ Replied Natasha immediately.

‘You’re not?’

‘Not if you don’t want me to. I didn’t bring this up to get you to confess everything to everyone, I’m proud that you felt brave enough to admit it to me. Tony is your guardian on paper, but we all decided that we were in this together. If you want me to tell Tony or anyone else then I will do.’ Peter shook his head rapidly and Natasha nodded.

‘I didn’t think so. Only Clint knows of what I used to do. I wanted you to admit it to yourself Kid, that you were punishing yourself for something that you didn’t do. But if you ever feel like hurting yourself again, I want you to call me, anytime of any day, otherwise I’ll have to tell the others. Promise?’

‘Promise.’

Natasha nodded satisfied and carded her fingers through Peter’s hair again, feeling him visibly relax against her.

Peter sighed in contentment and snuggled closer to Natasha. ‘We’ll get through this together Pete.’ She whispered, as Peters eyelids fluttered closed.

‘Lights at 10% Friday and don’t tell anyone about this conversation’

_‘Yes, Agent Romanoff – good night Peter.’_

Peter opened his eyes blearily and looked up at Natasha, his eyes full of love and admiration. ‘Love you Auntie Nat.’ He whispered.

Natasha felt her breath catch and a tear prickled in the corner of her eye, as she looked down at Peter, watching as his eyelids fluttered closed again.

‘I love you too маленький паук.’ Natasha whispered. She started to sing an old Russian lullaby under her breath and Peters breaths began to even out as he finally fell asleep, without having any nightmares for the first time since May died.


	5. Operation De-Stress Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers take Peter out to Coney Island for a day - as they think that he needs a break from school to destress.

Peter woke up, rubbing his eyes tiredly. He glanced down, as he felt something familiar and soft snuggled next to him and he smiled. It was his old teddy bear, that he kept hidden behind his headboard – Natasha must have found it and tucked him in, after he fell asleep. He remembered their conversation and the promise that he had made to Natasha, realising that he hadn’t had any nightmares that night.

‘Friday?’ He whispered out loud

_‘Good Morning Peter, how did you sleep?’_

Peter yawned and sat up. ‘Really well actually, thank you. What time is it?’

_‘It is currently 8.12am.’_

‘WHAT? Why didn’t my alarm go off?!’ Peter exclaimed - flinging himself out of bed. He attempted to run into his bathroom to get ready for school, but fell, tripping over his school bag which toppled over and ended up scattering a ton of papers around his room.

_‘Peter. Agent Romanoff has told me to inform you that you will not be attending school today and to meet her in the kitchen.’_

He stopped abruptly, feeling his heart stop beating a million miles an hour. Sighing in relief, he thanked Friday and pulled a pair of fuzzy socks on, then made his way to the communal kitchen.

He peaked out of the elevator and saw Natasha busy cooking what looked like pancakes, talking to Clint who was sat on top of the kitchen counter, laughing loudly. Steve was sat at the kitchen Island, reading the morning paper, next to Bucky, Sam and Wanda who were also sat down, talking quietly to each other. Tony was talking to Bruce in the living room and they were looking over piles of paper, talking animatedly. Peter padded into the kitchen, almost silently and slipped into a seat closest to Natasha – the smell of pancakes making his stomach rumble. He grinned, when she put a plate of three freshly made pancakes in front of him – which each had a giant chocolate smiley face on them. Chocolate chip pancakes were his favourite and he decided that he would try to eat them and actually enjoy them.

‘Morning маленький паук, sleep well?’ She winked knowingly and Peter blushed slightly, remembering waking up to his teddy bear being next to him and falling asleep on her last night. He nodded and thanked her for the pancakes.

‘Hey Peter. Hurry up and eat your breakfast, we have a busy day planned.’ Steve said smiling, looking over his paper at Peter, who looked to Natasha in confusion.

Natasha smiled and said easily ‘I called you in sick today, because after a quick discussion last night about how tired you looked, we all thought that you need a break from school, so we have organised operation de-stress for today.’

‘Yeah and Nat said that she would injure us if we didn’t agree.’ Clint interjected as Peter smiled. The rest of the team entered the kitchen and sat down at the kitchen island, greeting Peter and helping themselves to Natasha’s pancakes – which she put in the middle of the island, along with a saucer of syrup and a bowl of chopped fruit. Tony walked past Peter and ruffled his hair fondly, then went to brew himself a cup of coffee.

Natasha sat next to Peter and poured him a glass of milk. ‘Operation de-stress?’ He asked, taking a big drink of milk – which left a brilliant milk moustache on his upper lip. Sam and Bucky started laughing, before Natasha glared at them, as she subtly handed him a napkin. He blushed slightly and wiped his mouth, smiling at her gratefully.

Clint smirked around a mouthful of syrupy pancakes and nodded at Natasha to explain.

‘We’re taking a day out to Coney Island.’ She said simply, smiling at Peter’s face which lit up instantly.

‘What?! Are you guys serious?! All of us?! Ohmygod!’ Peter all but squealed. Everyone laughed at his reaction and nodded in unison.

‘Yeah Kid, a fun day out like one big dysfunctional family. Nothing better to destress than screaming your head off on a rollercoaster.’ Tony said, as he drank his coffee, smiling as Pete carried on grinning from ear to ear; finally feeling happy for what seemed like the first time in weeks.

***

Two hours later and Peter and the Avengers could be seen sat in pairs on the Cyclone Rollercoaster, in Luna Park in Coney Island.

‘Screw this man, how high does this go?’ Sam whined, looking over his kart and audibly gulping.

‘You literally fly hundreds of meters in the air, how is this any different?’ Tony replied.

‘Because I’m protected with wings!’ Sam moaned closing his eyes. Wanda was laughing silently next to him.

Clint and Natasha were sat at the front, with Peter and Tony in the cart behind them; Steve and Bucky behind them, followed by Sam and Wanda and finally Bruce sat by himself in the back, looking very sceptical at the drop.

‘Having fun Kid?’ Tony asked, looking over at Peter who was grinning widely as they approached the drop.

‘Yeah! This is so cool! Thank you so much Mr Stark!’

‘No worries kiddo.’ He winked at Peter and then everyone screamed as their carts plummeted down the drop and over the track. Sam was swearing loudly, much to Wanda and Bucky’s amusement and Peter laughed when he heard Steve say ‘language!’. Clint and Natasha were laughing widely and Peter managed to catch a glimpse of Bruce, who looked like he was going to be sick. Tony was clutching the metal handrails so hard that his knuckles had turned white, but he was grinning widely, as their cart sped around the track, until it finally came to a stop.

‘I am NEVER going on that again.’ Sam groaned holding his stomach, as they exited the carts. Bruce nodded in agreement and Wanda was still laughing at the scared look on Sam’s face.

‘Where to next then Pete?’ Steve asked, pulling out a map of the amusement park, which they all crowded around.

Peter mused over the different rides and then grinned when he pointed to one that caught his eye.

‘How about the Brooklyn flyer Mr Rogers?’ He said cheekily. Steve laughed and Bucky looked at him fondly, whilst Tony scoffed and slung an arm over Peter’s shoulders.

‘Sounds perfect Kid.’ Tony said, leading the way.


	6. Operation De-Stress Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is having a good day at Coney Island - finally feeling happy, however, his mind has other ideas and he has a large panic attack - luckily Natasha is there to help him through it<3

A few hours later, the group had managed to ride about 7 rides in total – as despite Tony saying that he could basically rent Coney Island for the day, Peter wanted to queue up like normal people. It was lunchtime by the time they finished riding on the giant Pirate style ship and Tony led them all over to a small café style place. They all sat around a large table outside on wooden benches and started talking about what they were going to order, when Peter opened his menu and suddenly felt that all too familiar feeling of guilt and horror about ordering and eating food.

_Grease, oil, fat, calories, weight, can’tbreathecan’tbreathecan’tbreathe_

Natasha glanced over at Peter and saw his fingers scratching his arm subconsciously, as his chest started to rise and fall rapidly. Everyone else was in deep discussions about where they wanted to go next and what they were going to order – hidden behind menus, but Natasha knew the signs of an oncoming panic attack and she stood up.

‘I’m going to take the Kid to the bathroom. We’ll be back soon.’ Natasha muttered to Tony who didn’t look up from his menu and nodded vaguely, continuing his argument with Steve and Bucky that cheeseburgers were definitely better than pizza.

Natasha walked round the table and put a firm hand on Peters upper-arm and led him away from the group, using her other arm to support his waist, to avoid him tripping over. She spotted a quiet corner, away from prying eyes and panicked slightly when she felt him start to hyperventilate. She gently sat him down, so he was leaning back against a wall and she took his hands in her own and looked him in the eyes, as tears began to fall down his cheeks.

_Can’tbreathecan’tbreathecan’tbreathe_

_Grease, calories, oil, fat, calories, weight, calories_

_Can’tbreathecan’tbreathecan’tbreathe_

‘Peter, whatever is going through your mind right now, isn’t true. You’re safe and you need to breathe декта.’ Peter shook his head frantically as he felt his body become starved of oxygen.

‘C…can’t…b…breathe.’ He wailed, ripping his hands out of her grip and started to claw harshly at his throat. Natasha inhaled sharply and put his hands in his lap, stroking his knuckles softly with her thumb, in an effort to ground him.

_Can’tbreathecan’tbreathecan’tbreathe_

_Grease, calories, oil, fat, calories, weight, calories_

_Can’tbreathecan’tbreathecan’tbreathe_

‘Yes you can breathe. In 2, 3, 4, then out 2, 3, 4. Again. Breathe Peter. That’s right, just like me, keep going. Good job Kid.’ She put one of his hands above her heart, trying to help him to breathe normally.

Natasha continued counting for another few minutes, whilst looking at Peter and feeling slightly out of her depth. She wondered what had caused this panic attack and she thought back to last night and remembered that he had mentioned that his friends were worried about his eating patterns. She knew that he was having troubles with eating – as she had noticed his excuses of avoiding eating with the team a lot, but she hadn’t mentioned it last night, as she was more worried by the self-harm. Natasha remembered seeing him after they ate at the restaurant and he came back from the bathroom, eyes puffy and red, cheeks slightly swollen, a tell-tale sign of having thrown up, she inwardly sighed when she realised that he must have purposely made himself throw up, which would explain the reluctance of wanting to eat. She then came to the conclusion that his panic attack must have been triggered by the thought of ordering lunch, or of wanting to self harm – which is why he scratching his arms, under his jumper, which he was doing again now, having moved out of Natasha’s grip.

‘декта, stop’ She whispered gently and moved his hands away from scratching at his arms, leaving behind a few shallow scratches that had started to bleed slightly. Peter let out a wet sob as he tried to pull away from her, but she held him firmly, noticing that despite his super strength, she was able to overpower him, which worried her slightly. She began to card her fingers through his hair and pulled him closer to her, feeling him start to relax slightly.

‘Tell me 5 things you can see.’ She said softly, tilting Peter’s face, so he wasn’t buried in her chest.

‘I…I…th…the f…floor.’

‘Okay, good, what else?’

Peter stifled a sob and hiccupped slightly as he tried to focus on the question and not the fact that he couldn’t breathe properly.

‘Y…you…’

Natasha hummed and nodded at him to continue.

‘T…the s…sky.’

‘What else?’

‘A p…person h…hol…holding a…a…balloon.’

‘Good, one more thing.’

‘…a b…bin.’

‘Now 4 things that you can feel.’

Peter took a shaky breathe and looked at his hands, which were shaking slightly, curled up in his lap, with Natasha’s hands covering them, to prevent him scratching his arms again.

‘Y…your hands.’ She nodded in encouragement.

‘T…the…ground.’

‘Good, two more things.’

‘Urrr…the w…wall behi…behind me and you…h…holding me.’

Natasha smiled softly and spoke again, wiping a tear from his cheek.

‘Three things you can hear.’

Peters answers came slightly quicker, as his breaths began to get easier.

‘S…screaming on the ri…rides. Th…the w…wind and y…you t…talking to me.’ Natasha nodded satisfied and carded a hand through his curls, before asking the next question.

‘Two things you can smell.’

‘C…candyf…floss and y…your perfume.’ She smirked and looked him in the eyes.

‘One thing you can taste.’

‘Tony’s spearmint gum that he gave m…me earlier.’

Natasha smiled at him and Peter realised that he finally was starting to breath normally again, despite tears running down his face.

‘S…sorry.’ He muttered, wiping some tears off his face and looking at her guiltily.

‘Don’t apologise.’ She said firmly, stroking his hair.

‘What triggered it?’

Peter sniffed miserably and decided that lying wasn’t an option, Natasha would be able to see through his lies (being a master assassin and everything) and he didn’t want to make her mad, besides, he felt like he could trust her now.

Natasha watched his inner emotional battle and waited patiently for him to start speaking.

‘Food.’

She nodded in understanding and hummed under her breath, before speaking.

‘I figured as much. I knew you were sick yesterday when you came back from the bathroom in the restaurant, but I didn’t realise…well, I didn’t want to believe that you’d done it on purpose. I also had picked up on the avoidance of eating alongside us – which is why I was so happy that you did this morning. Can you explain to me why you don’t want to eat?’ Peter frowned adorably and sniffled before speaking.

‘I used to limit my intake of food as a way to control my weight, like how I cut myself I guess, when Uncle Ben died, but now it’s harder because of my spider metabolism and stuff, so I allow myself one meal a day – which today was the pancakes.’ He tried to explain, getting worked up again. Natasha realised that that was probably why he fainted yesterday too, on top of not sleeping properly. She decided to try and get him to open up from a different angle, rubbing circles into his back.

‘What are you feeling right now?’ Natasha asked looking at Peter intently, who scrunched up his face as he tried to clear his mind of the familiar foggy feeling that came after a panic attack.

‘Not too good.’

Natasha chuckled softly, ‘no, I mean, in your head, whatever you’re thinking about now, what does it make you feel?’ She explained patiently.

Peter thought for a moment as he remembered how he felt throwing up yesterday, at seeing the menu, at not being able to think straight, struggling for breath and always feeling sad and tired…

‘Angry.’

‘At who?’

‘At me.’

‘Why?’

‘Because I don’t want to feel like this anymore.’

‘Don’t want to feel like what anymore Pete?’

He stopped talking and she saw his eyes fill with tears again and felt her heart clench.

‘Worthless.’ He burst into tears again. Natasha quietly shushed him and rocked him back and forth, as he clung to her and cried into her shoulder.

‘Remember what I told you yesterday at the restaurant?’ Natasha asked quietly after a few moments. Peter hiccupped and took a shaky breath, frowning slightly.

She smiled at him and brushed a stray curl away from his forehead and repeated what she had told him the previous day. ‘I used to find it weird that something so beautiful and unique, was made with rain – which is perceived by many as dull and full of sadness, in contrast with the sun, which is associated with happiness. I have now come to realise that in the darkest times, there is always a rainbow somewhere ahead, you just have to stay out in the rain a little longer.’

Peter nodded in remembrance of that conversation and sniffled sadly.

‘Why do I always feel like I’m in the rain Auntie Nat?’ He whispered, rubbing his eyes. Natasha felt a lump appear in her throat and she swallowed, whilst trying to think of what to say to hopefully provide him with some hope. She tried to think of what she would have liked to have heard at his age, some words of advice and she thought of the perfect response.

‘The most beautiful rainbow can only be found after the worst storm.’ She smiled at Peter who looked up at her, smiled and give her a big hug, which she returned gladly.

‘How about we come up with a word that you tell me if you ever feel like you’re about to panic, or have an urge to cut or not eat, without having to actually talk about it?’ Natasha mused, quirking an eyebrow at Peter who nodded, face scrunched up as he thought about what word he could use. After a few moments, Natasha tapped Peter on his shoulder and he looked at her quizzically.

‘How about Rainbow?’

Peter nodded and smiled at her. She helped him to stand up and checked the time – after all that, they had not even been gone for more than 15 minutes, although it felt like hours to Natasha. She led him back to the group, but she realised that he had stopped walking when the team could be seen in the near distance, talking happily with each other, eating their meals, she turned back to face him.

‘Pete?’

He looked at Natasha apprehensively.

‘Rainbow.’ He whispered miserably, looking straight ahead.

Natasha stilled and pursed her lips. She followed his gaze to the table – where everyone was eating, and she realised that he must be anxious about ordering and eating his food. She started to think quickly for a solution, before he started to panic again.

‘Are you hungry?’ She said simply

‘Yeah, I guess.’ He replied hesitantly

‘Are you hungry enough to eat some fries?’ Peter nodded.

‘Are you hungry enough to eat a burger?’ He nodded again.

‘Good, so we will both be having a burger and fries then. All this walking will burn the calories off in no time. Also, don’t worry about those lot asking where we’ve been, I’ll just say that we got lost on the way to the bathroom.’ She winked at him and he smiled with relief at her logical and simple solution. ‘Let’s go kiddo.’ Natasha slung an arm over his shoulders and kissed the top of his head.

***

Despite feeling quite anxious whilst he was eating his burger, Natasha and the others provided a welcome distraction, talking about different rides and things they wanted to do for the rest of the day and soon Peter started to enjoy himself again.

After lunch and after going on another 6 rides, they all made their way down the main street of Luna Park, deliberating on where they wanted to go next, before the park closed for the day.

‘It’s my turn to choose!’

‘No fair, what about me?’

‘You picked the weird ride that spinned around earlier!’

‘Yeah? Well I want to pick again!’

‘I want to get some more food!’

‘Clint, we only had lunch a few hours ago.’

‘Why can’t we go back on the Cyclone?’

‘Fucking no way am I going back on that man!’

‘I want a hotdog!’

‘Shut up you lot, this trip is for the Kid!’ Tony said angrily addressing the group who froze mid argument.

‘Guys, Tony is right, this is operation de-stress, and it doesn’t sound very calm.’ Natasha pointed out to the group - who nodded, disgruntled.

‘Where do you want to go Kid?’ Tony asked, looking at Peter who blushed slightly.

‘Um…it doesn’t matter, you’ll think it’s stupid.’ He muttered, looking determinedly at his shoes.

Steve stepped forward, putting a hand on Peters shoulder and said kindly, ‘nothing you think of is stupid Peter, where would you like to go?’

Peter smiled sheepishly and pointed to the left of the group. ‘I’d like to maybe go to the arcades?’

And that is where the 9 of them could be found 20 minutes later, each with a large bagful of dollar bills, (which Tony had insisted on paying for, naming himself the benefactor of the trip) – playing the arcade games excitedly.

‘This machine is broken.’

‘No it isn’t Tony, look – you’re just rubbish at it.’

‘Wow, thanks for that confidence boost Nat.’

‘Wanda – stop using your powers to get the teddies, that’s cheating!’

‘I want the purple one!’

‘Why is my dollar bill not being accepted by this machine?’

‘It’s the wrong way Buck, look.’

‘Oh, thanks Steve.’

Peter looked around at the Avengers, who were either whining about not being able to win anything, moaning about how unfair the machines were or using their powers to cheat (Wanda and Clint) – who had already won a small pile of toys. Tony had taken to talking loudly about how he could just buy it all, with Steve shaking his head disapprovingly behind him, trying to win a giant chocolate bar. Peter burst out laughing as Bucky pulled too hard on his controller, trying to win a giant stuffed Panda and broke it in half, whilst flinging his hand back and accidently hitting Sam in the face, who looked murderously at him.

‘Dude!’

Steve and Natasha hurriedly made their way over to placate the situation, as Peter wriggled his own controller around for what seemed like the hundredth time and suddenly gasped as his machine beeped loudly with music.

‘I WON! I WON! I REALLY WON!’

Tony was closest and smirked as he spotted Peters prize, which was an ironman teddy-bear.

‘Nice win there, Kid.’ He winked, laughing loudly as Peters entire face lit up a brilliant red when he realised what his win was. He pulled his bear out of the machine and held it protectively to his chest, sticking his tongue out at Tony, who smiled, reached over and ruffled his hair fondly.

‘Right you lot, now that the Kid has finally won something…’ Peter shoved Tony playfully.

‘…I think it’s time we make a move back to the compound.’

Everyone nodded in agreement and proceeded to pick up their winnings and made their way back to the car. After much shoving in the boot to fit Clint and Wanda’s large bag of their joint winnings in and Bucky’s giant stuffed panda – which Clint had kindly won for him, they all entered the car and started talking about the highlights of their day happily. Steve was driving and talking quietly to Natasha who periodically kept glancing over at Peter, who was sitting next to Tony, through the rear view mirror, to make sure that he was ok.

‘Good day then Pete? Are you feeling happier and less stressed?’ Tony asked, smirking at the ironman plush which Peter had taken to carrying around.

‘It was so good – thank you so much Mr Stark!’

‘Kid, why can’t you just call me Tony?’

Peter scrunched his face up adorably and his bottom lip stuck out slightly as he frowned. ‘Because you’re Mr Stark!’

The whole team laughed in unison at his answer and they broke off into their own conversations, as the darkness of the evening surrounded them. Tony started to card his fingers through Peter’s hair as they talked about their favourite rides.

An hour or so went by and Peter felt his eyes begin to droop, the gentle hum of the sports car engine lulling him to sleep as he was surrounded by his adopted family; he felt loved and safe for the first time in a long time.

‘So, what do you think Kid? I think using the new formula will make your freaky spider webs a lot stronger, but…Peter?’ Tony realised that Peter hadn’t spoken in a while and he glanced down at him, seeing that he had fallen asleep, leaning against his side, hugging the ironman plush to his chest.

He caught Natasha and Steve’s fond smiles in the mirror and shook his head in amusement, humming an old Italian song under his breath, as he ran his fingers through Peter’s fluffy curls.

‘Sleep well bud.’ He whispered, planting a kiss on the top of his head. Peter sighed and smiled softly in his sleep.


	7. Rough Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter is trying to move on and forget about his demons, but a few days after Operation De-stress, an incident at school causes more problems for him and soon Peter feels overwhelmed again.

The next few days passed without much of an incident since Operation De-stress. Peter was still struggling to eat in front of people, but he felt slightly more confident in himself after his talk with Natasha at Coney Island and she had even taken all the sharp things out of his room to help him to get better.

Peter licked his lips nervously and glanced at the clock, then scribbled a few sentences down rapidly on a piece of paper. It was Friday afternoon and he was in the middle of a Spanish Test – which he had stayed up the previous night revising for, unbeknownst to the Avengers. He yawned and squinted at the next question, racking his brain for the answer, when the bell rang – signifying the end of fifth period.

‘I will come round to collect your things, please stay seated.’ Mrs Larkin said, moving through the rows of students briskly, picking up the test papers. Peter and the rest of the class began to pack their stationary away in their bags and filed out of the classroom when their papers had been collected.

Peter spotted Ned and MJ, waiting for him at the front of the line and he made his way over to them. He was thankful that he had apologised to them the previous day, saying that he was overly tired and upset about May and had overreacted. He didn’t mention anything about his struggles with his mental health, not wanting them to worry and possibly phone Tony. They seemed sceptical, but as per his wishes, left the subject alone and carried on as normal.

‘Well that was horrible.’ Ned mumbled, sighing heavily as the trio made their way to their next lessons.

‘It was only horrible for you, because you didn’t study.’ MJ pointed out.

Peter grinned at the shocked expression on Ned’s face. ‘Wow MJ, thanks for exposing me like that.’

‘Pleasure.’

They walked in comfortable silence for a few moments until Ned and MJ left to go to English. Peter waved goodbye to them and continued walking down to the Chemistry rooms – as he had sixth period Chemistry, until a sharp pain hit him in the back and he fell face first onto the floor with a loud thump.

‘Penis Parker fell over!’ Taunted Flash as he swaggered past with a group of boys from their class, who were laughing at Peter, sprawled on the floor.

‘Piss off Flash.’ Peter said angrily, standing up.

Flash turned around and walked over to Peter, checking around for any sign of cameras or teachers – which there wasn’t as they were in the middle of a pretty much deserted corridor.

‘Don’t think I will. I think that we all need to have a little chat actually, Penis Parker.’ Flash said pretending to act stern, winking at his friends, who had put their bags on the floor and raised their fists, ready for a fight.

Peter stepped forward and looked Flash in the eye.

‘6 on 1? Not fair odds the way I see it.’ Peter stated boldly, glaring at Flash who raised his eye in amusement.

‘Okay Penis, just me and you then. Hey, are you still bullshitting that you’re living with the Avengers?’

Peter felt himself getting angry and he tried to school his expression into a blank one, telling himself that Flash only wanted to get a reaction out of him.

‘Not talking huh? That’s because you’re a fucking liar, Penis, we all know it. You say that Tony Stark – the Billionaire, willingly took you in and is now your guardian – but I wonder why he would take in such a pathetic excuse of a human being. Oh wait, he hasn’t because you’re a fucking liar.’

Peter, sick of being picked on, threw his bag to the floor and faced Flash, trying to stay calm – even though he was seeing red. 

‘All you are is an orphan, a stupid orphan who has no family. You’re so weak and useless. All you will ever be is a worthless piece of shit, Penis Parker. No wonder your Aunt died, she probably wanted to be rid of you, just like your Uncle and your dead parents. Why don’t you just die?’ Peters breaths started coming short and fast, as he realised that he believed what Flash was saying and all his negative feelings about himself rushed over him like a giant wave.

_Can’tbreathecan’tbreathecan’tbreathe_

‘Do you blame yourself Penis? I think you should, because you killed them, by being such a waste of space. I think you should just kill yourself - you’d be doing everyone a favour. I’d have a party – I’d be happy that I wouldn’t have to see your ugly mug of a face again! Hell, I bet no-one would even turn up to your funera…’

Peter suddenly lunged forward at Flash and without thinking, he punched with all his spider strength and there was an audible _crack._

‘…ARGHHHH!’ Flash plummeted to the ground, holding his nose, which was clearly broken. The boys from their class immediately knelt down to the floor to help Flash, as Peter grabbed his bag and ran down the corridor.

He didn’t know where he was going, all he knew was that he used his superpowers against someone – true Flash was a moron, but he had never used his strength like that before, he had always managed to control it. He shakily pulled his phone out of his bag and rang Tony, before he got a call from the school – as Flash was probably threatening to sue by now. Tony picked up on the third ring and Peter tried to fight off a looming panic attack, as he braced himself against a wall, breathing heavily.

_‘Hey Kid, aren’t you meant to be in class?’_

‘C…can you c…come an…and get me…p…please Mr St…Stark?’

_‘What’s happened Kid? Are you ok?’_

‘N…no…p…please come an…and get me.’

_‘On my way Bambino, I’ll be there in 10 minutes. Where are you?’_

Peter’s vision started to tunnel as he looked around to find himself sitting on the floor in the middle of a familiar deserted classroom.

‘Eas…East floor Class…room 13…B.’ He managed, through deep breaths.

_‘Ok, hang on Kid. Deep breaths. I’ll be there soon.’_

Tony hung up and Peter started to cry. He put his head between his knees in an effort to calm down. He didn’t know how long he sat there, but it was long enough as the class room door swung open suddenly and Tony strode in, scanning around until his gaze landed on Peter.

‘Pete? Come on kiddo, let’s get out of here.’

Peter shook his head and looked up miserably at Tony, who frowned, kneeling next to him.

‘I…I…I hit F…Flash. H…he j…just go…got und…under my s…skin and…and…I w…wasn’t thinking c…clearly and I used m…my strength a…against…h…him!’ He sobbed as Tony swore under his breath and pulled out his phone, typing furiously.

‘Where did this happen? 10 minutes ago yeah?’

Peter nodded and told him where it happened – wondering where everyone had gone by now.

‘Luckily, there were no cameras on that corridor – as Friday has just hacked into the school mainframe. So, it’s Flash’s word against yours. He is currently in the headteachers office, sporting a brilliant broken nose – according to Friday.’ Tony said, looking at Peter with an unreadable expression on his face.

‘What did he say to you?’

‘J…just st…stuff about May.’ Peter left out the fact that he had blamed his Uncle, Aunt and parents deaths on him, called him a lot of names, told him to kill himself and validated all the negative feelings that Peter constantly felt about himself, once again leaving him feeling utterly useless and weak.

Tony nodded, but his expression changed to a stern one, despite Peter still crying – which was breaking his heart. ‘Kid, you know that you can’t use your strength like that – what if he’d gotten seriously hurt? A broken nose is one thing, but what if you’d slipped and it’d been his arm, or worse, his neck, because then that’s on you.’ Peter nodded and fell silent, as Tony helped him up.

‘I get that he’s a moron and everything, but you have to control how you react to stuff like this. You should have just walked away. Look, I don’t fancy getting an arsy phone-call from your headteacher soon threatening your suspension and stuff, so let’s just go and have a chat with him, ok? Don’t think that you won’t be punished for this, by him and also by me. I know what Flash said was wrong, but I’m really disappointed in how you reacted Kid, you’re not thinking clearly.’ Tony said, leading Peter out of the classroom and down the hallway.

Peter nodded sadly, feeling anxious as he suddenly realised the severity of what he had done. He had hit a student – it was provoked, but he broke a students nose, that was grounds for expulsion, let alone the fact that 5 other boys had witnessed it and were probably lying and exaggerating it all right now.

Tony opened the headteacher’s door without knocking and led Peter inside by the arm. Flash was sitting in a chair opposite the teachers desk, holding a clump of tissue to his still bleeding nose, gesturing animatedly, with 5 boys nodding along. The headteacher stood up, upon seeing Tony and Pete enter the room.

‘Dat’s do hit be!’ Flash said loudly, pointing at Peter, a smug look on his bloody face, which turned very pale as he became aware of Tony.

‘Ah, you must be ‘Flash’? You know who I am, I presume?’ Tony said sweetly, but his eyes hinted with a dangerous glare at Flash and the boys. Flash nodded quickly in shock and he grimaced as fresh blood poured down his face.

‘How mudch dib youb pay do geb Tony Sbark here?’ Flash smirked, looking at Peter, his broken nose making his speech hard to understand.

Tony’s eyes flashed and he waved a hand at him to be quiet and turned to look at the headteacher, who was looking very shocked at the fact that Ironman was standing in front of him. ‘Look… Mr?’

‘Mr Watson, and can I say what a pleasure that you are here, well, under the circumstances, maybe not so, however I would like to welcome yo…’ The headteacher stuttered.

‘Right, Mr Watson, can we skip the formalities and jump to the bit where you berate my Kid for a minute, so we can go please?’ He flashed a brilliant smile and put his hands firmly on Peter’s shoulders as he felt him tense up.

The headteacher looked flustered and nodded. ‘O…oh yes o…of course, you must be very b…busy Mr Stark. Under normal circumstances, the student who initiated the fight would be expelled, however, due to this being Peter’s first time and due to his academic record, I believe that a temporary suspension of a week would suffice – giving him time to reflect on his actions?’

Tony was silent for a minute, then nodded in agreement and glared at Flash. ‘Peter would never have hit another student without a reason, however, I will make sure that he is punished appropriately for his actions and make sure that he knows that hitting is never the answer, I suggest that you punish Flash too, for provoking him, Mr Watson and these boys for not bothering to stop him.’ He gestured around at the 5 boys who shrunk in on themselves. Tony flashed another smile, which left no room for argument. Peter stared at his shoes awkwardly.

‘O…of course Mr Stark. Flash and the boys will be serving detention every night for the next two weeks and his parents will be informed of the situation.’

‘WBAT?! DATS NOB FAIR!’ Flash whined looking at the boys who also looked annoyed, as Tony nodded satisfied.

‘Good, glad we’re on the same page Mr Watson. I’ll be taking Peter home now – back to where he lives at the Avengers Compound.’ Tony looked at Flash pointedly and he had the grace to blush deeply. Mr Watson nodded and proceeded to ask Tony to sign a few papers to allow Peter to leave early.

Tony then thanked him quickly and led Peter out of the door – without a second glance. They both walked in silence to the familiar black sports car which was parked directly outside the school.

‘In.’ Tony gestured to the seat in the front and Peter slipped in, biting his lip nervously, as Tony started the engine and they sped off back to the Avengers Compound. They rode in silence, every now and again, Tony glanced over at Peter, who was staring out of the window, still biting his lip. Peter gulped nervously as Tony scanned his badge at the boundary of the Compound and Friday welcomed them back, all too soon.

‘Friday, who’s in?’ Tony asked as they entered the elevator to go up to the communal living room.

 _‘Agent Barton, Agent Romanoff and Captain Rogers are all in the training area. There are no residents in this section of the Compound, besides you and Peter, Sir.’_ Friday responded as Peter and Tony stepped out of the elevator.

‘Right ok, thanks Fri.’ Tony led the way over to the communal living room and gestured for Peter to sit down.

Tony sat opposite him on a chair and sat forward. ‘When you rang, I was in the lab – making a new prototype for your suit, which I wanted you to try after school today.’ Tony stated, looking at Peter who looked up hopefully, from staring at his shoes immediately.

Tony smirked and shook his head. ‘Not a chance Kid. I hate doing this bit, but you have to be punished for what you did. Like I said before, I get why you did what you did, but using your powers on someone who can’t defend themselves against you is unacceptable, you know that. In an ideal world, you should have just walked away. Is there anything else you want to tell me?’ Tony looked at him, eyebrow raised, waiting for a response.

Peter desperately wanted to tell him about what Flash had said to him and how he had told him to kill himself, but he couldn’t bring himself to say it out loud, so he shook his head. Peter felt like he was drowning in anxiety, sadness and bubbling anger of how horribly he felt about himself again – desperately wanting to cut, to escape, to run, as Tony sighed in disappointment. He hated making Tony mad – it reminded him of what happened on the Ferry and he realised what his punishment was going to be, before Tony spoke with an edge to his voice that made his stomach flip.

‘Right, this isn't working out. You're not in the right state of mind at the moment, so I want your suit. Go and get it. I will be keeping it safe until I think that you are responsible enough to get it back. You need some time to think about what your actions mean to other people. Also, no lab privileges for a week and your bedtime has been reduced to 9.30pm.’

Peter felt his anger boil over at the unfairness of it all and of now having no escape at all from his demons by pretending to be Spider-Man. It didn’t help much, but it was better than nothing. He knew that he could just tell Tony what really happened, but he couldn’t bring himself to, call he could see was red again.

‘What?! Please Mr Stark! I need to go on patrol! This isn’t fair!’ He all but yelled, earning an angry glance from Tony, who shook his head.

‘No way am I letting you out after this. Not happening Kid. You can go out if you earn my trust back, if and only if.’

‘That isn’t fair!’ He exclaimed, annoyed tears prickling the corners of his eyes.

‘I didn’t think it was fair that you would use your superhuman strength against a 14 year old Kid who pissed you off and couldn’t defend himself.’ Tony replied smoothly.

‘Please don’t take Spider-Man away from me.’ Peter pleaded, suddenly feeling his anger and anxiety start to peak.

‘Peter, that’s enough. I said no and that’s final. You are not in the right state of mind to be Spider-Man right now. A break will do you good.’

‘No it won’t!’ Peter roared standing up defiantly, fists clenched, as the elevator pinged in the distance, alerting them to the arrival of Steve, Natasha and Clint, who walked out and looked at the pair hesitantly after hearing Peter yell.

‘I’m not sure why we are still debating this. I said NO.’ Tony said sternly, he stood up too, glaring at Peter, who was breathing heavily, fighting back tears.

‘This isn’t fair!’

‘You are living here and this is my house, so I make the rules. You are a child and you follow said rules. Stop acting up and go and get me your suit now.’

‘You’re not my dad – you can’t tell me what to do!’ Peter screamed angrily, taking his school bag off his shoulders and slamming it down on the floor, its contents spilling everywhere.

Tony startled at the sudden change in Peter’s behaviour, looking at Steve, Clint and Natasha for support, who were watching the conversation from the doorway, worried at how quickly it was escalating. Tony felt his heart clench at what Peter had said and he took a deep breath before he spoke.

‘Be that as it may, I am your legal guardian and you are a child, so I am in charge of you and I say no more Spider-Man, until I feel that you are ready. Go to your room and get your suit, NOW.’

‘I HATE YOU!’ Peter screamed whipping around; he ran past the trio, went into the elevator and told Friday to go up to his room.

Tony put his head in his hands, as Steve stepped forward.

‘He didn’t mean that Tony, he was just angry.’ Steve said softly

‘What the hell was that about?’ Clint asked, eyes wide in shock.

Tony looked up at the worried faces of the trio and sighed heavily. ‘A bully said some shit to the Kid at school about his Aunt and he rang me up, upset – but he wouldn’t tell me what he’d said. Then apparently Peter used his super-strength to punch the kid and he broke his nose. He was lucky not to be expelled, but he’s suspended for a week. I’ve banned him from patrolling until I think that he’s ready, I can’t risk him overreacting to someone if they say something to him that upsets him. He isn’t thinking clearly – he told me that himself. He’s still really vulnerable at the minute and this has just made me realise how much of a child he still is and that he is clearly still grieving.’

Steve put a hand on Tony’s shoulder. ‘You did the right thing. He needs to understand how his actions affect others and you’re right, he is still a child and needs guidance sometimes.’ Natasha and Clint nodded in agreement, although Natasha had a nagging feeling that there was something else doing on, as it was unlike Peter to react so violently – even if he was upset.

A few days ago, after she first found out about Peter self-harming, Natasha had searched through his room for anything that he could potentially use to hurt himself and had thrown them away. She had told him after she had done it – leaving no room for argument and he had accepted it, promising that he was really trying to get better. However, watching how angry he was, Natasha felt worried about what he would try to do to himself if he was left alone – despite not having access to any sharp objects, he still had his super strength and his fingernails. So, Natasha muttered an excuse and slipped away, asking Friday to take her up to Peter’s room, whilst Tony and Steve spoke quietly together and Clint went to get a drink.


	8. Rainbow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha finds Peter hanging on by a thread and has to face some of her old demons if she wants to be able to help him; luckily an old friend is there to help her realise who she is.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Trigger warning*  
> This chapter deals with some graphic descriptions of self harm, view at your own discretion.  
> Stay Strong <3
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3 xx

Natasha made her way up to Peter’s floor. The elevator dinged open and she walked out, pondering the best way to approach Peter, when she stopped suddenly as she heard the unmistakeable distinct sound of sobbing and smashing glass. _Shit._

She ran down the hall and flung Peter’s bedroom door open and heard heart wrenching sobs coming from the bathroom, which was locked.

_Fuck._

‘Peter?’

There was no response.

‘Peter, it’s Nat. I need you to open the door for me детка. I know you’re angry and I promise that I’m not mad at you, but I need you to let me in, please Peter.’ A few agonising seconds went by and she heard a loud sob and a faint ‘sorry’ and her heart clenched.

‘Peter...’ She cleared her throat and tried to keep her voice steady

‘…Peter, have you hurt yourself детка?’

The sudden loud crying and repeated ‘I’m sorry’s’ that broke out from inside the room confirmed her belief and she literally screamed at Friday to open the door. There was an immediate audible click and without hesitation, she jumped up and ran into the bathroom and her eyes landed on Peter. He was sobbing and was curled up in a ball, visibly shaking, holding a large shard of glass… which was saturated in blood. There was glass everywhere – he had clearly punched the mirror which overhung the sink – in anger or desperation, Natasha didn’t know. She swore loudly and ran over to Peter, kneeling down by his side, feeling the glass cut into her jeans. She pulled him into a sitting position, and he tried weakly to fight her off, but she overpowered him and her eyes fell on the cuts that littered both of his wrists, some old, but some new, which were now bleeding heavily.

She felt like she couldn’t breathe, this was never meant to happen to this sweet boy, this sweet boy who always helped everyone, this boy who always put everyone else first before himself, this boy who felt utterly alone in the world… Natasha blinked away tears that were threatening to fall. The newly made cuts were not deep enough to cause him death – his spider healing was already starting to work, but they were deep enough to cause an infection and possibly need stitches unless she tended to them now.

Natasha began to panic, seeing the blood seep through her fingers as she put pressure on his wrists. She looked around frantically for a first aid kit, but only found some antibacterial wipes. She knew that she needed help as Peter was losing too much blood and she knew exactly who would help her without question and without judgement; she had tried to keep this a secret for Peter’s sake, but there was too much blood and she was panicking, so reluctantly she addressed the AI.

‘FRIDAY WHERE'S CLINT?’

_‘Agent Barton is by himself in the training area, Ms Romanoff.’_

‘GET HIM UP HERE NOW WITH A FIRST AID KIT– BUT DO NOT TELL THE OTHERS WHAT IS GOING ON, MAKE SOMETHING UP!’ Natasha shouted at the ceiling, grabbing a towel and putting more pressure on Peter’s wrists.

_‘Confirmed. Agent Barton is on his way up to your location.’_

Natasha looked up from Peter’s wrists and her heart broke at the emptiness in his eyes and the broken expression on his face as he cried.

‘Oh маленький паук.’

The next sentence that came out of Peter’s mouth, almost made Natasha’s heart stop.

‘F…Flash was right…I… deserve…to d…die A…Auntie Nat …everything… was…my…f…fault…I…can’t…don’t wan…to…’ His eyes then rolled into the back of his head and he went limp, as he suddenly passed out. Natasha’s eyes widened as she caught his body, which slumped forwards.

She felt tears begin to slide down her face and land softly on the towel, as she remembered exactly how she had felt the last time she had cut herself, which was when she was on a killing spree in Budapest. She remembered finishing her killing spree and had tried to kill herself, so she could stop feeling like such a mistake. She very nearly had died too, but luckily Clint had found her in time and stopped her pressing the trigger of a gun to end her life. He helped her, even though he was sent to kill her – he made a different call.

She shook her head and focussed on Peter. She gently prised the piece of glass out of his limp hand and then threw it across the room in anger. Natasha’s panic about the whole situation suddenly grew as she saw blood starting to seep through the towels on his wrists.

The elevator dinged in the distance and the thundering of footsteps alerted Natasha to Clint’s arrival.

‘Oh shit.’ He entered the bathroom and knelt down next to Natasha, ignoring the glass, inhaling sharply when he saw what Peter had done.

‘Clint, take the Kid and put pressure on his wrists – I have to clean the cuts before they get infected.’ He glanced at the tear tracks on Natasha’s face and gently wiped them away, before taking Peter’s unconscious body from her and holding the towel firmly in place on his wrists. Natasha turned to the side and opened the first aid kit, which Clint had brought up.

‘Nat… are you…’

‘…No, please…don’t… Clint.’ Her voice broke, but she shook her head, took a deep breath and started to rummage through the first aid kit.

‘I need to concentrate.’ Her voice was soft but stern, as she proceeded to clean and bandage Peter’s wrists.

A few agonising minutes later, and Natasha had successfully stopped the bleeding and Peter’s wrists were cleaned and bandaged. She stood up and washed Peter’s blood off her hands in the sink, as Clint left to put him on his bed and tuck him in carefully.

Natasha stood up and watched Clint leave the bathroom, then she tried to clean the floor as best as she could with what limited cleaning supplies Peter had. She had just finished cleaning and made a move to go and help Clint, when all of a sudden the bathroom seemed to be too small.

Natasha couldn’t breathe, she felt herself start losing control, as she gasped for breath.

_Can’t breathe_

_No air_

_I’m going to die_

_Blood_

_Red_

_Death_

‘Nat?’ Clint poked his head around the door of the bathroom, took one look at Natasha who was by now, leant over the sink, breathing heavily and his eyes widened. He walked slowly over to her, hands in front of him in a placating gesture. She looked at him and nodded, signalling that it was alright for him to touch her. She slowly calmed down as he rubbed her arm comfortably, helping to ground her. After a few minutes, Natasha slid down, so she was sitting on the floor again and sighed heavily. Clint frowned and sat next to her.

‘So do you wanna tell me why I find you leaning over the Kid’s sink, gasping for air like you forgot how to breathe?’

Natasha looked at Clint as if debating something, he raised his eyebrow questioningly at her.

‘He’s just a kid.’

Clint sighed heavily, ‘yeah I know, it was a bit of a shock. Never thought that he’d resort to that. This superhero life comes with a cost – you can’t save everyone and his last remaining family member died like 3 weeks ago, which probably has a lot to do with it.’

Natasha hummed in agreement and rubbed her face tiredly.

‘It just brought back some memories, you know from when you…found me in Budapest and I’m just worried about the kid, that I’m not good enough for him.’

‘Shit Nat, that’s rough. Want to talk about it?’

Natasha sniffed and looked at Clint, tears prickled her eyes.

‘I found out about him self harming and struggling with eating, at the back end of last week, I said I wouldn’t tell anyone, thinking I could handle it, but I don’t know if I can. I was so fucked up when you found me, maybe I still am to an extent, he deserves someone better than me to help him, what if I make things worse? I should have just told Tony and left him alone.’ A tear slipped down her cheek as Clint reached over and put a hand over her own, which she hadn’t even noticed were trembling. ‘Natasha. I might not know what I want for my dinner tonight, or what I’m going to be doing tomorrow, but I do know that you are so strong and that Kid loves you and he needs you more than any of us right now, because you know exactly what he is going through.’

‘What if I mess him up worse than he already is?’ She whispered as more tears slid down her face.

‘You won’t.’ He replied firmly and chuckled when she raised an eyebrow at him, despite herself.

‘I just don’t want him to turn out like me, like any of us. It isn’t fair, he’s 14 – his biggest stress should be about exams at school, not how many calories he ate that day or how much he wants to slice his arms up because he hates himself. It’s not right. I should have noticed. I’ve been through what he’s feeling and I didn’t notice.’ Another tear rolled down her cheek and she sniffled, taking a shaky breath. Clint embraced her in a hug.

‘It sucks Tasha, but he was a vigilante before we all came along – either way he has these freaky super cool powers and a shit ton of baggage by the sounds of it, but at least with you on his side – and now me, we can help him cope a bit better with handling it all. There was no way you could have noticed, you know as well as I do, that there are ways of hiding this type of behaviour – don’t you dare blame yourself, do you hear me?’

She ignored him and looked at him pointedly. ‘He had old cuts. Some that looked to be at least a few years old, faded away. He said it started when his Uncle died 2 years ago, but I reckon this has been going on for much longer than he let on…’ She broke off and wiped her face, staring at her shoes.

‘Maybe so, but right now he’s struggling because he misses his Aunt, so it’s only natural that he’s cutting and not eating much, now that she’s dead – because clearly she was the only one who knew about this and he doesn’t know how to cope. Just be there for him, be the person that you would have wanted to talk to when you were at your worst.’ He smiled at her and pulled her close, kissing the top of her head, as she clung to him and cried.

‘Are you going to tell Tony?’ Clint asked after a few moments and Natasha firmly shook her head.

‘No. He might be a kid, but the last thing he needs right now is constant harassment from everyone living here about how he is feeling 24/7 – that could make things a million times worse. Tony would have him on constant monitoring, which would put a ton of extra pressure on the Kid. He needs normality and guidance, not suffocation.’ Clint nodded in agreement.

‘Thought you’d say that and I agree. Tony is his legal guardian, but I think that you would be best to deal with this and I’m pretty sure that if Tony knew that you’d gone through this too, then he’d agree too.’ Natasha nodded slightly and bit her lip.

‘I don’t know how to help Peter, Clint. What do I do?’ To her surprise, Clint started laughing and put a hand over his mouth when he remembered that Peter was asleep in the room next door.

‘What’s so funny?’ She glared at him, eyes glinting dangerously.

‘Nothing, nothing, it’s just it’s always you telling me what to do and to be honest I feel out of my depth giving emotional advice here Nat. I really want to make a joke right now just to lighten the fucking mood.’ Natasha grinned and put her head on his shoulder. Clint paused for a moment in thought and then started talking gently, stroking Natasha’s hair.

‘Remember what I said to you when I found you on deaths door in Budapest, when you were saying that you wanted to die, with a gun held to your head?’ Natasha nodded and looked up at him through her tears.

‘The most beautiful rainbow comes after the worst storm. I remember. I told the Kid that, when I found out about him last week, but I didn’t go into details, and we made ‘rainbow’ our crisis word – if he feels an urge or whatever, just like me and you did, but I didn’t tell him that either.’ Clint smiled and wiped a stray tear from her cheek.

‘Natasha?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Just be you. That’s more than enough. It will always be more than enough.’


	9. Things will get better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter wakes up and feels completely useless, but luckily Natasha is there to help him and to remind him of how amazing he is.

Peter opened his eyes blurrily and the first thing he saw was Natasha, curled up on an armchair next to his bed, clutching an old fluffy blanket, which was draped around her. Everything came flooding back to Peter at once and he started to hyperventilate.

_I tried to kill myself. It didn’t work. Natasha found me and stopped me. Tony will find out. Oh my God, Clint was there, he knows. Everyone will find out that I’m so useless I couldn’t even kill myself properly. Flash was right. I’m so useless and pathetic and…_

Peter’s sudden quick breathing and sobs, roused Natasha and she jumped up and ran over to the bed, holding Peter’s hands in her own, she inwardly groaned as she saw his lips start to tint blue as his eyes glazed over slightly.

‘маленький паук, I need you to calm down for me. You’re safe and it’s just me and you here, ok? Deep breath in, 2, 3, 4 and out 2, 3, 4. Watch me and copy my breathing. No, Peter, in and out – just like me. Come on, I know you can beat this kid. See how my chest is rising and falling? Peter, if you don’t breathe, you’re going to pass out.’ Natasha put one of his hands firmly on her chest to help him to copy her breathing.

‘M…my…fa…fault. I…I…I’m…s…s…so…sorry.’ He managed through his sobs and Natasha shook her head firmly.

‘Don’t try to talk yet детка, focus on your breathing. In 2, 3, 4 and then out, 2, 3, 4. Good, well done. Keep going, listen to my voice Pete.’ Natasha coached him for a few minutes through his breathing until she was satisfied that he wouldn’t pass out, as it started to turn to normal. She sighed in relief at the colour making its way back into his face and she glanced at the time. It was a little after 4pm, they had only been asleep for a few hours. She had decided to stay and sit with Peter until he woke up but then realised that she had fallen asleep and Clint must have tucked her up with the fluffy blanket that she spotted on the floor. She inwardly smiled.

‘I’m sorry.’ Peter whispered, interrupting her thoughts, as tears streamed down his face. Natasha sighed and sat next to him on his bed, pulling him into a hug.

‘Don’t be.’ She said firmly, carding her fingers through his curls.

‘I know what it’s like, probably more than anyone in this compound, I’m just happy that I found you in time.’ Peter didn’t say anything for a few moments, just looked down at his once white school shirt sleeves – which were stained with blood, and his wrists which were all bandaged up and he burst into a new round of tears.

‘Shhh детка. Shhh, it’s ok, I’m here, you’re ok. I’m not mad, I promise детка.’ She soothed as he sobbed into her chest, fisting his hands in her top as if worried that she would disappear. After a few minutes, she heard mumbling and listened closely to him as he tried to stop crying, but she could only make out a few words.

‘…u…useless…st…stupid orp…orphan…wo…worthless…’

Natasha instantly held him tighter and felt tears prickle at her own eyes again, but she took a deep breath and focussed on Peter.

‘You are not a stupid orphan or useless or worthless. Don’t you ever say that about yourself again детка. Do you hear me?’ She turned Peter around, so he was looking at her through red puffy eyes. He shook his head sadly and Natasha frowned.

‘F…Flash s…said ev…everyone w…wou…would…b…b…be …b…better…off…wi…with…without…m…me…t…tha…that I w…was a…all th…those…thing…things. I…I…I’m…t…the…r…reason m…my…par…parents…died…an…and…Un…Uncle…B…Ben…and…M…May.’ He wailed through heart breaking sobs. He turned his head back into her chest, as his entire body shook with the force of his cries.

Natasha felt herself immediately see red. Anger coursed through her veins and she had to count to 10 in her head – to prevent herself stealing one of Tony’s cars and going to murder Flash.

_Peter, a 14 year old boy, believed that he was the reason that his parents and Aunt and Uncle had died. He blamed himself and hated himself. He thought that he was worthless, that…he deserved to die._

Stroking his hair, in what she hoped was a soothing manner, Natasha heard Clint’s voice echo in her head, as she tried to figure out what the hell to say to Peter, to make him feel like he was worth life.

_‘…just be you. That’s more than enough. It will always be more than enough…’_

_‘…be the person that you would have wanted to talk to when you were at your worst…’_

Natasha closed her eyes and an old poem that she remembered hearing when she was a little girl, came to the forefront of her mind. She smiled and she turned it into a sort of lullaby, singing softly to Peter, who’s cries quietened down as he listened.

‘Если жизнь тебя обманет,  
  
Не печалься, не сердись!  
  
В день уныния смирись:  
  
День веселья, верь, настанет.  
  
Сердце в будущем живет;  
  
Настоящее уныло:  
  
Всё мгновенно, всё пройдет;  
  
Что пройдет, то будет мило.’

Natasha finished singing and looked down at Peter who was just sniffling now, silent tears rolling down his cheeks, as he looked up at her.

‘It’s an old Russian poem, an older girl used to read it to me in the Red Room when I was young.’ Natasha explained gently, brushing a few stray curls off of his forehead.

‘Translated to English, the title reads: If you were deceived in life. It talks about how even though things are depressing right now, things will go by quickly and will get better.’ Peter sniffled and sat up, rubbing his eyes tiredly, he then looked at Natasha, who continued talking.

‘None of those things you said about yourself are true Kid. Believe me. I know.’

‘How do you know?’ Peter whispered, eyes glistening with tears, as Natasha reached over and held his hands in her own again.

‘I know, because sitting in front of me right now, is an amazing boy, who is so kind, brave, smart and selfless. He is in a rough patch right now and is thinking the worst of himself, but he is not an orphan – he has the biggest, weirdest, most dysfunctional family fighting in his corner for him and one little fight with one of them, will not change that.’ Peter nodded and curled into her side, sighing shakily.

‘Is that why you didn’t tell Tony any of this детка? Because you believe that you deserve to die?’ Peter nodded again as a tear slid down his cheek; Natasha wiped it away with her thumb.

‘You deserve life, just like everyone else Peter, and the fact that a stupid moron told you that you didn’t – just means that his life sucks and he’s jealous of you. Your past is full of tragedy – which you were NOT the cause of, but despite all of that, you are still full of kindness and love. You save so many people, by being Spider-Man, but aside from that, we all love you, because you’re you, Peter. You’re the funny kid, who studies on the ceiling and scares us when we look up. You’re the kid, who can take down a large bus and not break a sweat; the Kid who stole Cap’s shield and took it sledging last winter, then made us all have a snowball fight for three hours. You’re the kid, who always chooses Star Wars for movie night, who tells jokes and makes us laugh all the time. You’re our Kid and you make us proud every day, no matter what you do. You make us all better детка, you made us a family and without you…’ A tear slid down Natasha’s face. ‘…without you, all of us would be lost.’ Peter immediately leapt into her arms and hugged her as she kissed the top of his head.

‘I love you Auntie Nat.’

‘I love you маленький паук.’

They sat in comfortable silence for a while, until Peter spoke up.

‘Mr Barton saw what happened.’

‘Yeah I know, but don’t worry kiddo, he promised not to say anything.’ Peter nodded and sighed.

‘I have to apologise to Mr Stark, I…I said he wasn’t my dad. He must hate me now.’ He whispered, looking at Natasha miserably.

She chuckled softly and ruffled his hair. ‘Kid, none of us could ever hate you. It was said in anger and you guys will work it out, but you probably should apologise to him, yeah. Why don’t we get you changed and I’ll wash your school uniform and get the blood out - on my floor, so no-one will find out and then we can go downstairs for some dinner?’ Peter bit his lip anxiously.

‘Rainbow.’

Natasha smiled sadly. ‘I know маленький паук, but it’s my turn to cook and I’m making your favourite.’ She said winking at Peter, who smiled slightly.

‘Salmon Koulibiac?’ He asked tentatively

‘Salmon Koulibiac.’ Natasha confirmed, helping him to stand up and take off his school jumper and shirt – which was smeared with blood from his wrists. His eyes widened as he saw how much blood there was and felt an overwhelming surge of guilt.

‘Hey. None of that.’ Natasha reprimanded softly as she caught sight of Peters face, when he saw his once white school shirt, which was bundled up in her arms, along with his jumper that was a darker in areas, where the blood had seeped through earlier.

‘Auntie Nat?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Thank you.’

‘Those cuts wouldn’t have killed you Kid – you have your Spidey-powers to thank for that, I just made sure that you didn’t get them infected.’ Peter frowned and shook his head and Natasha raised an eyebrow quizzically at him.

‘No…I mean…thank you…for everything.’

Natasha smiled and helped him to put on a long sleeve jumper, being gentle with his arms, which she made sure were completely covered.

‘Anytime kid. Now, tell me more about this dickhead, Flash.’

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Translation of the Russian poem that Natasha sang to Peter: 
> 
> If you were deceived by life,  
> Don’t feel dismal, don’t get mad!  
> Be at ease and don’t feel sad:  
> The days of joy will soon arrive!  
> The heart can’t wait for this to pass;  
> The present is depressing here:  
> All is fleeting rather fast;  
> That which passes will be dear.
> 
> (Also: Salmon Koulibiac - is a popular Russian dish, basically a posh version of a fish pie:))


	10. Dad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter finds Tony and goes to apologise for their argument. Will he tell Tony what Flash really said to him, or will he keep everything secret? Will Peter finally feel comfortable calling Tony something other than Mr Stark??:)

Peter was standing awkwardly outside Tony’s lab, as he had been for a while, nervously deciding what he was going to say to him. He had been helping Clint and Natasha to prepare dinner, when he excused himself to go and apologise to Tony. He held his Spiderman suit in his hands, toying with the fabric – according to Clint, Steve had managed to placate Tony from barging into his bedroom and locking it up permanently earlier, with the promise that when Peter came out of his room, he would bring it to Tony himself, which Peter had done, accepting responsibility of his actions. However, now standing outside the lab, Peter felt like he would rather be anywhere else. He desperately wanted to talk to Tony about what Flash had said to him, but he knew that he would have to bring up about his self harming and eating habits – which he wasn’t ready for yet; also he would have to address the fact that he had hurt Tony’s feelings too. Peter was about to walk back to the kitchen and ask Natasha to talk to Tony instead, because he was too nervous and was still sure that he hated him, when he was interrupted out of his thoughts.

_‘Peter. I sense that you are in distress. You have been standing outside Boss’s lab for the past 17 minutes. Is everything alright?’_

Gulping, Peter shook his head sadly and then rolled his eyes when he realised that Friday was an AI and not an actual person.

‘Not really, no. Um, Friday…can I ask you something?’

_‘Yes Peter, of course. How can I be of service?’_

Peter bit his lip and swallowed back a few tears. ‘D…does Mr Stark h…hate me? Natasha says that he doesn’t but…after what I said earlier, I know that he pro…probably does and...I…w…wouldn’t…bl…blame…h…him.’ He burst into tears once again and sank to the floor, burying his face in his suit as he brought his knees to his chest. He didn’t hear Friday’s response or hear her opening the lab door, but he did hear thundering footsteps and a familiar voice of someone, who was kneeling by his side. 

‘Hey bud, it’s alright, look it’s me, your favourite mentor.’ Tony flashed a smile at Peter, who looked up from burying his face in his suit as tears flooded down his face.

‘M…Mr…S…Stark?’

‘The one and only, kiddo. You mind telling me why Friday made me stop working on a new suit, to find you out here creating puddles on my floor?’

‘I…I…I…I’m…s…s…so…sorry…M…Mr…S…St…Stark.’ Peter said, his whole body shaking with sobs. Tony looked at him and opened his arms, smiling sadly.

‘Come here Bambino.’

Peter let out a heart wrenching sob and threw himself into Tony’s open arms. Sobbing, he felt Tony start to rub his back soothingly, as he cried and cried.

‘I know…shhh…you’re alright. I’ve got you bud.’ Tony said gently, as Peter’s cries turned to hiccups and then shuddery breaths, which were warm on Tony’s neck. He released Tony after he had regained his composure and looked up at him miserably.

‘I’m s…so sorry Mr Stark.’

‘Shhh…it’s ok. Believe me, I’ve had my fair share of meltdowns, some of which were quite public and captured on camera.’ He chuckled quietly, continuing to rub Peter’s back.

‘I…I didn’t m…mean it.’

‘Hmmm?’

‘Wh…what I said. I…I didn’t m…mean it. I…I don’t hate you. D…do you hate m…me?’ Peter started to cry again and Tony immediately held him closer and shushed him gently.

‘Never Peter. Never, ever.’ He said firmly.

‘You’ve dealt with so much these past few weeks kid, hell, your whole life. I am always so proud of you and I love being your guardian. I know that I’m no replacement for your Uncle Ben, but it did hurt my feelings when you said that - I’m not going to lie. However, if everyone believed things that were said by me in anger, then I would have no friends and quite possibly would be in jail by now, because I have done some very irresponsible things whilst in arguments.’ Peter giggled and Tony felt his heart soar.

‘Like what?’

‘Never you mind.’ Tony tweaked Peter’s nose playfully and he grinned and then heard Tony sigh exaggeratedly, smiling slightly.

‘Let’s just say that the questionable hole in the gym wall – covered by that poster…?’ Peter nodded and giggled

‘…that was after an argument with Rhodey and I threw a plant-pot at his head, but it missed.’

‘Oh my god! Really?’

‘No, it was a dumbbell…’ Peter burst out laughing and Tony smirked, before he continued.

‘But seriously, Kid. I get being angry, but it’s how you come back from it that counts; and you, coming down here with your suit (which I didn’t think you’d do earlier, but Cap convinced me to give you some time) and you apologising and getting snot all over my t-shirt, is a pretty good indication for me that you’re upset and feel terrible about what happened earlier.’ Peter stopped laughing and nodded, holding out his now wet Spider-Man suit to Tony miserably, who took it and looked at Peter very seriously.

‘You get what you did was wrong, but what I want to know is what the hell Flash could have possibly said to you, that made you that mad kiddo; because I know you, and even if he said something about May dying or whatever, you would never have used your strength against someone who couldn’t defend themselves, unless he said something really bad and you lost control.’

‘He told me tha…that I w…was a stupid orphan, that I…was pathetic and useless…a…and it was my f…fault May d…died and my Uncle and my parents. He said everyone would be better o…off without m…me a…and I believed him.’ Peter whispered, tears once again streaming down his face, as Tony inhaled sharply and pulled him to his chest tightly.

‘Great, now I feel like the worlds worst person.’ Tony muttered as he stroked Peter’s hair soothingly.

‘You are none of those things bud. You’re amazing and we all love you. Flash is a complete dick, plain and simple. Why did you believe what he said?’

‘I…I miss May a…and I ha…hate m…myself.’ Peter wailed, trying to tell Tony as much as he could, without telling him everything.

‘Oh Pete. Why do you hate yourself bud?’

‘I…I feel s…so sad all…th…the t…time a…and I…h…haven…haven’t be…been sleeping w…well…and school i…is st…stressing m…me out a…and I just miss May and Flash m…made me feel s…so bad a…about m…myself, but I…I’m happy h…here…really…I…am… Mr St…Stark…pl…please d…don’t send…me…a…away.’ He sobbed.

‘Woah kid, hold on. Firstly, I’ll chat with Bruce to get you some sort of sleeping pills for your freaky spidery powers. Secondly, you’ve got the next 2 weeks off school, because I said so and you can catch up with your studies and also chill out a bit. Fourthly, no, thirdly, you are the most amazing kid ever, and I would never send you away. And lastly, don’t you ever say you believe you should die, because that is so not true. God Peter, I’m sorry. I feel awful now bud.’

As soon as Tony said that, Peter cried harder and Tony grew worried.

‘No, no, not your fault Kid. I mean, I feel awful because of how our conversation escalated earlier. Of course you’d want to keep your suit, as you didn’t really do anything wrong. I mean, hitting is never the answer, but I completely get why what Flash said made you lose control. I just thought that you were being irresponsible and were too full of grief to know what you were doing - if he’d said something about May, which clearly wasn’t the case. I know you miss May and it’s difficult for you at the minute. We all get pissed off sometimes, especially in our line of work. For everyone, it’s natural to get angry and stressed and all anger and stress needs an outlet. This is yours.’ Tony passed Peter back his suit and Peter frowned.

‘As long as you don’t go around hitting random people on the street who look at you funny, then I think you can keep this; but you’re having a 3 day break from patrolling, starting tonight, just to take some time out for you and to make sure that you’re in the right state of mind when you do go back out. Not a punishment, just a small break. The Police in NYC can cope for a couple da…’ Peter flung himself on Tony once again and clung to him, grinning from ear to ear, as the older man grunted and smiled.

‘I’ll ring Mr Wotsit and explain what happened so he can remove the suspension off of your record and tell him you’re having 2 weeks off. I have to punish you for hitting though, being a responsible adult and all that, so…bedtime is reduced to 9.30 for the rest of the week and you can have full lab privileges back, so long as you don’t lose control like that again.’

‘Deal.’ Peter smiled and hugged Tony tightly.

‘Love you Bambino.’

‘Love you more…Dad.’ Tony felt his breath catch as soon as Peter said that and he kissed the top of his head and a tear rolled down his cheek.

‘Not possible kiddo. Now, let’s go eat, because I can smell Natasha’s weird Russian fish dish and it smells divine.’ Peter laughed and ran off to put his suit back in his room.

‘Fri?’

_‘Yes Boss?’_

‘Did you get what he called me?’

_‘Yes Sir I did and might I say, congratulations on parenthood, you are going to make a brilliant father. I have put the audio clip of what he said in the BabySpider file.’_

Tony grinned and made his way to the kitchen.

‘Thanks Fri.’


	11. Nightmares and piano playing <3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha finds Peter alone in the music room after his bedtime - can she manage to help him to open up to her???

‘Good job squirt!’

Tony looked up from scrolling through his phone and glanced over at Peter, who was beaming as Clint praised him, a big grin on his face. All the Avengers had decided to go outside in the Compound garden, after having eaten dinner and Peter was practising his Archery skills with Clint. Tony smiled fondly and went back to his phone, as Natasha made her way over to him, holding two glasses of red wine.

‘Wine? It’s literally not even 7pm yet, are you trying to get me drunk Romanoff?’ Tony quipped, accepting the glass, as she chuckled softly.

‘Nah, thought we could both use a drink though after what happened today.’ She said, sipping hers and glancing over at Peter, who had just shot 3 arrows in perfect concession – all hitting the bullseye.

Tony hummed in response and sighed heavily.

‘Peter told me after dinner that you helped him earlier – when he went to his room after getting all worked up, so… thank you for that.’ Natasha nodded and smiled at him.

‘He’s a good kid and I’m glad you sorted your shit out, so I didn’t have to hurt you for upsetting him.’ Smirking, Tony shook his head in amusement and took a large swig of his drink.

‘Any ideas what to do about the kid that said all that stuff to Peter?’

Natasha pursed her lips. ‘Bold of you to assume that I haven’t already done something Stark.’ Tony’s face fell and he started to panic.

‘Oh for fucks sake, please tell me that you haven’t murdered a child, because Pepper would probably kill me as that would literally cause so much PR shit.’

Natasha laughed and shook her head. ‘No. I wanted to when Peter first told me what he had said to him, but I just took a little trip down to Midtown whilst dinner was baking in the oven and you and the Kid were having a father-son moment…’ She looked at Tony amusedly, who blushed slightly.

‘…and I found Eugene Flash Thompson, staying late, at a chess club meeting. Let’s just say that he won’t be bothering Peter anymore if he knows what’s good for him.’ Tony put his head in his hands and sighed heavily.

‘What did you do Nat?’

‘I just reminded him of who Peter lives with, and if he messes with Peter, he messes with us all.’ She smiled as she watched Clint start to tickle Peter and chase him around the garden, both laughing wildly. Tony smirked at her and finished his drink.

‘Thanks Nat. Also, dinner was amazing by the way.’ She smiled and walked off to join Clint and Peter, who were now dodging arrows which Wanda was levitating at them playfully. Tony looked around at the Avengers and realised, that while he was sitting there on a garden bench, watching Clint, Natasha and Wanda play with Peter; whilst Steve and Bucky were playing UNO with Sam and Rhodey, drinking freshly made lemonade, that he had finally found himself a family and he felt completely content.

***

‘What movie are we all watching then?’ Steve asked, handing out blankets to everyone, who were all situated around the communal living room, wearing pajamas and loungewear, looking thoroughly bored.

‘Dunno, just pick something.’ Clint said, throwing popcorn at Natasha, who smacked him on his head.

‘We’ve been sat here arguing for literally an hour.’ Tony stated to Steve, who sighed.

‘Why can’t we just watch Toy Story?’ Bucky asked shrugging

‘Because we aren’t toddlers.’ Tony replied, ducking as Bucky threw a packet of crisps at his head.

‘Look. None of us can remember whose turn it is, so let’s just pick a nice happy film and have done with it.’ Steve said, flopping down on the floor, next to Bucky and Sam.

‘Brave.’

‘Toy Story.’

‘No Bucky.’

‘Jurassic World.’

‘That isn’t a happy film!’

‘Yeah it is’

‘No it isn’t.’

‘When Harry Met Sally.’

‘Ew no Wanda that sucks.’

‘Just because you don’t like it Sam, doesn’t mean it sucks.’

‘Brave.’

‘Fuck off Clint, we aren’t watching Brave again.’

‘I am basically Merida though.’

‘Whatever. I say Die Hard.’

‘No, Steve said a happy film.’

‘Fine, fucking Shrek then.’

‘Shut up Sam.’

‘Where’s the kid?’ Natasha interjected and was met with silence.

‘He went to bed at 9.30 – forgot to tell you all, that’s his bedtime for the next week, as punishment for what happened earlier.’ Tony said to the group at large who nodded in unison. Natasha glanced at the time, which was well after 11pm by this point, but she thought that she should go and check on Peter, just in case he was having trouble sleeping – as Bruce had said that the sleeping pills wouldn’t be ready until the following day.

‘Ok. Look, pick whatever you want, I’m off to train for a bit, I’m bored of this.’ Natasha walked off to the elevator, which closed, cutting off the continued ranting and arguing between the Avengers, which had started up again. However, instead of going to the gym, she went up to Peter’s floor and knocked quietly at his door.

‘Hey kid, you ok?’ She was met with silence and wondered if he was actually asleep, then decided to ask Friday, who spoke up suddenly.

‘Friday – is the kid asleep?’

 _‘Agent Romanoff, Peter is not in his room.’_ Natasha frowned. Tony had said that he was asleep in his room – as he should have been for the past hour and a half, so if he wasn’t there, then where was he?

‘Where is he?’

The AI paused for a second before replying: _‘Floor 3, Agent Romanoff.’_

Natasha was confused, the only thing on that floor was the dance studio and the music room, which she sometimes visited if she was having trouble sleeping or needed a distraction and she smiled sadly when she realised why Peter was down there.

‘Take me there.’ She said, stepping back into the elevator, as Friday brought her up to the highest level of the compound.

The first thing that Natasha heard when she stepped out of the elevator was the sound of music. She followed the sound, to the music room and peered inside hesitantly. Peter was sat with his back to the door, playing some sort of classical tune on the piano, his fingers sliding gracefully over the notes, not missing a single beat. Natasha wasn’t easily impressed, but she had to admit that the tune brought a tear to her eye, as she stood and listened patiently, waiting for Peter to finish. He seemed completely in his element, a peaceful look of serenity on his face – that hadn’t been there for a long time. Natasha couldn’t help but smile as he finished and she broke the silence, by making her presence known.

‘Didn’t know you could play piano.’

Peter whipped around and put his right hand out, shooting a web at Natasha, who easily dodged out of the way, looking mildly amused at the fact that he was wearing his web shooters under his Ironman pajamas.

‘It’s just me kid.’ She took a step forward, arms held out in a placating gesture.

‘Auntie Nat?’ Peter looked at her intently for a few seconds, then sighed in relief and then bit his lip nervously at having been found out after his bedtime. Natasha nodded, ignoring his nervousness and walked forward slowly.

‘Couldn’t sleep?’

Peter shook his head and sighed heavily, his fingers ghosting over the piano keys.

‘What’s going on?’ Natasha asked gently, sitting next to him on the piano bench.

‘Nightmare.’ He whispered, sniffling slightly. She hummed in response and ruffled his curly hair – stuck up in places from sleep.

‘Want to talk about it?’ Peter shook his head and he muttered ‘rainbow.’ Natasha pursed her lips in thought and smiled as an idea popped into her head.

‘Play another one.’ She instructed, gesturing to the piano. Peter looked surprised and slightly nervously, he began to play a soft tune and started to get lost in his music. Natasha leant back slightly on her hands and allowed herself to relax, looking out of the large window, into the garden, where the fountain was slowly trickling, and the fairy-lights were twinkling – wrapped around the trees.

Peter finished playing and looked down at his hands nervously. They sat in silence for a few moments, until Natasha heard a small sniffle. 

‘детка?’

‘I…d…dreamt…that you all died…an…and I was al…all alone...’ He whispered, sighing quietly as she wrapped an arm around him and carded her fingers through his hair, feeling him visibly relax.

‘Oh маленький паук. It was just a nightmare – we’re all here, I promise and we aren’t going anywhere. Everyone is downstairs in the living room right now, arguing about film choices. Don’t worry, I won’t say anything about you being in here to anyone.’ She soothed as Peter bit his lip and nodded.

‘Friday told me that you w…were all ok, b…but I w…was too s…scared to go b…back to sleep, so I c…came in here…for a distraction...’ Natasha gave him a sympathetic smile and decided to take his mind off of his nightmare.

‘Where did you learn to play piano?’ She asked softly.

‘May.’ Peter replied, sniffling sadly. Natasha sighed, then kissed the top of his head and held him tightly as they sat in a comfortable silence, apart from the odd sniff and shaky breath from Peter.

‘You’re really good you know. It’s not every day that I compliment someone, so enjoy it.’ She winked at Peter, who had looked up at her, tears glistening in his eyes.

‘I haven’t played s…since…she died.’ He whispered, as a tear rolled down his cheek. Natasha didn’t say anything, just carried on holding Peter as he tried to regain his composure. After a minute or so, Peter started to talk.

‘I…I do miss playing… but…now I…can’t s…stop thinking of her…be…because we would al…always play t…together.’ He finished on a sob as Natasha nodded in understanding.

‘I get that. In the Red Room, we were all taught Ballet, as a useful skill. When I can’t sleep, I dance for a bit, but it’s difficult to separate the Ballet from the bad memories of where I used to dance sometimes and how sad that place made me. I’ve got it down now, but when I first started dancing here, it was very difficult and I remember thinking that I would never dance again, because I couldn’t bare thinking of the Red Room anymore and all the people that I knew who died...’ She trailed off and took a deep breath, then looked out of the window, a strangely blank look on her face.

‘W…what ma…made you change y…your mind?’

‘I remembered how happy Ballet made me feel and ultimately I wanted to feel happy - just like you did tonight by playing the piano детка. Also, for me, Ballet makes a nice change from jumping around killing people, to just jumping around in a tutu. And…the tutu is definitely a bonus.’ She said winking, as Peter grinned. Natasha wiggled her eyebrows playfully at him.

‘Your Aunt would want you to do things that make you happy and besides, it’s a crime not to play, because you’re so good.’ She gave him a soft smile.

‘Just try and remember the good times kid, it gets easier I promise. Also, you can always come and see me or Tony, or any of us, if you have any more bad dreams – because we aren’t going anywhere and we are always here for you. Please don’t suffer in silence маленький паук.’ Natasha kissed his forehead, stood up and made a move to leave, when Peter suddenly grabbed her wrist. She raised an eyebrow questioningly and he bit his lip.

‘Y…you can stay if you want?’ He asked tentatively. She smiled, realising that he didn’t want to be alone and if she was honest, she didn’t fancy going back into the living room to argue about film choices with everyone again, so she nodded and sat back down.

‘Did you know that I can play piano too?’ Natasha mused, smirking as Peter gasped excitedly.

‘Do you know any Ludovico Einaudi pieces?’ He asked breathlessly. Natasha smiled and nodded; and they both began to play happily until the early hours of the morning, finding solace in each other’s company.


	12. Organising another day out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter convinces the Avengers to go out together on another day out - where will they decide to go???:)

Wanda and Peter were in the middle of a very intense game of snap, when all of a sudden there was a loud scream, followed by thunderous footsteps and a lot of shrieking.

‘GET THE FUCK BACK HERE BARTON!’

‘NO!’

The teenagers both looked towards the source of the sound and fell into identical fits of laughter when they saw Tony, covered in oil – his face contorted in a murderous look, as he chased Clint into the living room – where they were playing their game.

‘YOU ARE IN FOR A WORLD OF PAIN LEGOLAS!’

‘I ALREADY AM BECAUSE I LIVE HERE WITH YOU!’

‘NOT FOR FUCKING LONGER IF YOU DO THAT AGAIN!’

‘I SAID I’M SORRY!’

‘NO YOU DIDN’T!’

Tony and Clint’s loud voices faded away as they ran throughout the Compound, leaving the teenagers rolling around in hysterics on the living room floor.

‘I honestly can’t believe how much of a dick Clint is.’ Natasha muttered, walking past the teenagers and into the kitchen, to get a cup of coffee.

‘What even was that?!’ Peter gasped through his laughter.

‘That, was Clint deciding it would be a good idea to jump out of the vents on top of Tony – who was in the middle of tinkering in his lab and was holding an oil can, which was then tipped over him during the impact of Clint landing on his head.’ Natasha deadpanned, walking over to the now disregarded game of snap and then she proceeded to sit down next to Peter and Wanda – who had now burst into a new set of laughs, clutching themselves for support as they struggled for breath.

‘It really isn’t that funny; Tony could have been hurt.’ Steve reprimanded the teenagers, as he, Bucky and Sam walked in, the latter two grinning at the whole situation.

‘Friday, could Tony have been hurt?’ Wanda asked the ceiling, stifling a laugh, as Peter howled with laughter next to her.

 _‘Negative, Ms Maximoff.’ Wanda_ looked smugly at Steve, who shook his head in exasperation and addressed the AI.

‘Where’s Tony now?’

 _‘Boss seems to currently be in the middle of a morning run outside.’_ Friday said, with a hint of sass in her voice.

Everyone immediately ran to the windows in the living room and saw Tony running and yelling up at Clint from the bottom of a large oak tree. Clint was near the top of the tree – as his shoes could be seen through the thick branches, and everyone started laughing – even Steve was smiling.

‘Unfortunately, this is pretty normal for a weekday Pete. You’re usually at school when stuff like this happens.’ Sam said, grinning as Clint threw a shoe at Tony in an effort to make him go away and they all laughed.

It was day 6 of Peter’s 2 week break from school (thanks to Tony, managing to persuade Mr Watson of an early study leave); and he was thoroughly enjoying spending time with the Avengers and seeing what they all got up to which he usually missed when he was at school. Peter had naturally already caught up with all his school work and he was starting to feel slightly happier in himself – letting himself relax, whether that be by playing games with the Avengers or having movie evenings, before he went on patrol – which he was allowed to do again, as his 3 day break had been over for a few days already.

‘What’s everyone up to today then?’ Steve asked the group at large, which now consisted of everyone except Thor (who was offworld still) and Tony and Clint, who were still outside shouting and throwing things at each other. He got a lot of ‘nothings’ and some shrugs, but Peter opened his mouth to ask something and then thought better of it and stayed silent – which was missed by everyone, except the superspy.

‘маленький паук, did you want to ask us something?’ Peter bit his lip nervously, and Natasha gently pulled it away from under his teeth with her thumb, as Peter looked around at everyone, who were all now looking at him.

‘I…I…t…thought that maybe w…we could d…do something…together, you know…like Coney Island…maybe?’ He stuttered, feeling incredibly childish at wanting them all to do something together, but he secretly missed how once a week, he and May would spend a day together out of the apartment doing fun activities and he loved going to Coney Island with everyone the week before.

‘Sorry I wasn’t thinking, I mean, you must all be busy and have a ton of stuff to do and I don’t want to make you stressed or bored or anything, so you can just forget what I said, I’m so-`

Steve stepped forward and put a firm hand on one of his shoulders. ‘Peter, don’t be sorry – that’s a lovely idea.’ He said kindly, everyone nodded in unison, just as Tony and Clint walked in – both looking very annoyed with each other.

‘What’s a good idea Capsicle?’ Tony said, moving as far away from Clint as humanly possible and walking over to Peter, who had turned a brilliant shade of scarlet. Steve smiled encouragingly at him and he willed himself to voice his idea again.

‘Um…maybe we…could do something all together today? Like…how we went to Coney Island?’

Tony sighed heavily and lost his resolve to say no immediately at having to spend the day with everyone again, when he looked at Peter and the rest of the teams hopeful expressions.

‘So, guess I’m the benefactor, again right? Fine, pick where you wanna go, but I'm having a shower first to get all this oil off me.’ He said looking pointedly at Clint, who feigned innocence.

‘The beach!’

‘The park and we could have a picnic?’

‘No that’s boring, I want to go skydiving!’

‘Shut up Clint, that’s stupid, how about go-karting?!’

‘Yeah that sounds good!’

‘No I’m not old enough to drive guys!’

‘Bless the kid being all responsible.’

‘What about kayaking on the rapids?!’

‘Swimming with Sharks?!’

‘Oh my GOD YES.’

‘No, I’m scared of sharks.’

‘Bucky you literally have a metal arm, you could punch them and they’d be knocked out!’

‘No. Why can’t we do something like mountain biking?’

Tony waved his hand sternly and everyone fell silent. ‘I should have said, pick somewhere SAFE and with a 0.1% chance of death and or serious injuries.’

Peter giggled and Tony winked at him.

‘Any idea where you’d like to go bud?’ Peter gave him a mischievous smile and nodded. Tony raised his eyebrow in question - already dreading the answer.

‘I thought maybe we could go…to the Zoo?’

Everyone stood in silence for a few seconds, before shouts of ‘OH MY GOD!’ and ‘YES!’ filled the room.

‘We could see the lions!’

‘SIMBA MIGHT BE THERE!’ Clint yelled and Peter burst out laughing at his childish expression.

‘Shut up Legolas, we all know that the only really cool thing in a Zoo is the reptile house.’

‘No Stark, you are sadly mistaken. Lion King is the best film ever and therefore, lions are the best animal.’

‘Clint your logic astounds me.’

‘Thanks Nat – what do you want to see most?’

‘Anything, I’m not fussed. Maybe the snakes?’

‘Ew no, I am not spending a single second of my life with anything with scales.’

‘I would like to see the meerkats, me and Pietro used to love seeing them at the zoo!’

‘Is there anything that warrants us walking in armed?’

‘No Bucky, it’s a fucking zoo not a battlefield.’

‘Just checking Colonel, you can never be too careful.’

‘Can we keep weapon carrying to a minimum or better yet, not at all?’

'Bruce, you read my mind.'

'Thanks Steve, I always knew we were the most logical out of everyone.' 

‘I want to see the Zebras!’

Peter looked around grinning at everyone and precisely an hour and a half later, all 10 of them were waiting outside the ticket collection at Central Park Zoo, practically bursting with excitement.

‘We would like 9 adult tickets and one child ticket please, for an all day admission.’ Tony asked politely to the woman at the desk, who gasped at who she was serving and started typing on her computer. 10 minutes later – after a small incident through security checks, when Natasha and Bucky were almost arrested for carrying small knives (just be prepared for any situation – they had said) and a large shouting match with the security guard, who had realised who he was talking to and finally allowed them all through; the team could be seen walking through the main gates into the Zoo, very excited.


	13. Central Park Zoo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers at the Zoo!:)

‘Peter for the love of God pick a hat and get over here!’ 

‘I can’t decide between the Zebra one and the Giraffe one!’ 

‘I have the zebra one - we could match!’

‘Oh my GOD what if we all bought matching hats?!

‘I’m so close to losing my shit right now.’

‘Tony, let the Kid pick a hat.’

‘He’s been staring at the hats for the past 10 minutes!’ 

‘I choose the Frog one!’

‘What about the Zebra and the Gira…you know what, I don’t care, just get over here so I can pay.’ Peter bounded over to the group, holding out his Frog hat to Tony, who sighed in relief and put it in the basket.

The Avengers were in the middle of a gift shop, as they had been for the past hour – much to Tony’s annoyance: ‘I didn’t pay a small fortune to stand around in an overpriced shop for the day.’ 

Peter was grinning from ear to ear, as he looked around at the group who had bought a large variety of weird and wonderful things. Steve and Bucky had bought matching ornaments of a Tiger cub chasing a butterfly; Bucky had bought a nice set of animal badges and some Panda shaped cookies; Clint had bought a giant lion plush ‘as they are the most superior animal – the Lion King says so’ and he had also bought a small pile of animal shaped sweets ‘for the kids’ – but Peter chuckled as he knew that they would all be eaten by the end of the day. Natasha had bought a lovely bracelet with a few different animal charms on it – but wouldn’t let Peter or anyone else see what was inside the smaller bag that she had spent a long time picking out and Wanda had bought a Monkey plush – which she was currently hugging happily as Tony started to bag up everyone’s purchases. Sam had bought an animal picture frame and a Zebra hat; Bruce had bought a book about the facts and myths of the animals in the Zoo and Tony had bought a make it yourself replica of the Zoo – complete with over 342 figurines and moving sections – which he promised that Peter could help him build in the lab. Peter giggled as Tony put his purchased Frog hat on his hat and handed him the large Spider teddy he had picked out – which looked like it was smiling happily at him. 

‘Right. Thank fuck that’s over. Can we go and see some animals now?’ Tony grumbled – handing everyone their respective bags, as he carried his and Peters. He knew a second before it was about to happen, what was going to happen and felt a migraine coming on, as Steve pulled out a map and everyone immediately crowded around it.

‘LIONS!’

‘MEERKATS!’

‘MONKEYS!’

‘How about some food?’

‘Bucky you literally ate breakfast like a few hours ago.’

‘What’s your point?’

‘How are you still hungry?! We’re having lunch in a few hours – you can wait until then.’

‘Don’t blame me if I accidentally punch you then due to starvation, Rhodes.’

‘PANDAS!’

‘Can everyone stop acting like 5 year olds and talk like adults - like your biology seems to think you all are?’

‘Nat is totally done with all your shit!’

‘You too Barton – stop hitting me with your giant lion before I disembowel it.’

‘NO LEAVE MR FLUFFY ALONE! I WANT TO SEE THE LIONS!’

‘I WANT TO SEE THE GIRAFFES.’

‘NO THE REPTILES ARE COOLER.’

‘I AM NOT GOING INTO A REPTILE HOUSE!’

‘YES WE ARE!’

‘YOU WANNA FIGHT?!’

‘Nobody is fighting anyone.’

‘Aw Steve – how about some slight maiming?’

‘NO!’

Peter burst out laughing at the horrified expression on Tony’s face as he looked around the group in exasperation at having to deal with them for the whole day again.

‘Dad?’ 

Tony felt his heart swell at least triple its size. He absolutely loved that Peter finally felt comfortable calling him that and he had made a promise to himself to make Peter as happy as possible all the time. He flashed a brilliant smile as he remembered who this trip was ultimately for and he decided that it would be the best trip to the Zoo ever – despite himself currently trying very hard not to scream at the shouting Avengers to shut the fuck up.

‘Yeah bud?’

‘Can we maybe go and see the Penguins?’ He asked hopefully, pointing to the Winter exhibit which was a little ways down from where they all were.

‘Sounds good to me, but you have to convince this lot.’ Peter frowned adorably and pouted slightly at the still arguing Avengers – with Natasha and Steve trying and failing to shut everyone up, as passer-by’s were laughing and pointing at the World’s Mightiest Heroes screaming about which exhibit they should go to first in a Zoo. Tony sighed heavily at the unsure look on Peter’s face and suddenly shouted.

‘OH MY GOD IS THAT THE QUEEN OF ENGLAND?!’ 

Everyone immediately fell silent and turned to look at Tony who was feigning a shocked expression. Peter started laughing hysterically and grinned massively in triumph of Tony having successfully silenced the group. 

‘The Queen is here?!’

‘No dumbass it was a way for Stark to shut us all up.’

‘ANYWAY! The Kid wants to ask you all if we can see the penguins first?’ Tony said to the group, chuckling as Peter was giving the team his best puppy dog eyes – which, added to the fact he was wearing his Frog Hat and holding his Spider plush, made him look like a very cute overgrown toddler. Everyone smiled fondly and nodded in unison, letting Peter lead the way to the penguin exhibit. 

Six hours later, after a lot of walking around the different exhibits and a small lunch; the Avengers could be found in the Lion exhibit – with Clint trying and failing to recreate the opening sequence from the Lion King with his Lion plush. 

‘Nants ingonyama get me a banana a haaaaa!’

‘Clint those aren’t the words.’

‘I don’t think he cares as he is still singing…’

‘Nants ingonyama get me a banana a haaaaaaaa!’

‘Great, now the Kid is joining in.’

‘I think it’s quite funny actually.’

‘Me too!’

‘God this trip sucks. I want to see some snakes!’

‘Won’t Barton’s singing make the lions deaf?’

‘Snakes later Wilson, no Clint isn’t that bad and Bucky stop eating the candyfloss and leave some for the rest of us!’

‘IT’S THE CIRCLE OF LIFE!’

All the Avengers then started howling with laughter as Clint and Peter held up Clint’s Lion plush singing the ending of the song very loudly; except Tony who had his head in his hands and was swearing profusely. 

‘THE CIRCLLLLEEEE… THE CIRCLLLEEEE OF LIFEEE!’ 

Everyone clapped as Clint and Peter stepped down from the large wall in which they had been performing on and bowed, grinning widely.  
‘Now that Legolas has seen the lions and my ears have stopped bleeding, please can we go anywhere else now?’ Tony asked the group at large who nodded and proceeded to walk towards the reptile house – much to the annoyance of Sam who was muttering under his breath about being poisoned to death by snakes. 

***  
‘Wow! Look at this one Dad!’ 

‘What’s that bud?’

‘Look at this turtle! It’s a tua…tuirar…tu…’

Tony grinned and walked over to Peter, who was crouching in-front of a weird green turtle and was trying to pronounce its name – much to the amusement of the Avengers nearest them. Tony smiled and started to read the information about it to Peter.  
‘Bud, it’s called a Tuatara. A lizard-shaped reptile from New Zealand. It is not related to lizards, but is the only member of an order of reptiles that lived on Earth even before the dinosaurs. It is green with a crest of skin down its back that can be raised as a threat. The tuatara feeds at night, hunting insects, worms and small lizards. It may live for over 120 years.’ Tony finished, reading from the small plaque which hung next to the exhibit. Peter was listening, fascinated and then nodded excitedly as Tony finished reading, and ran off to the next exhibit which was snakes, with an amused Tony following. 

‘Auntie Nat?’

Natasha turned around to see Peter looking at a snake, which was coiling itself around a large branch. 

‘Yeah Kid?’

‘Which is your favourite snake?’ Natasha smiled and pointed to the glass case on her left. Peter bit his lip and walked over, looking at the plaque which was hanging next to a beautiful purple snake.

‘Lavender Corn Snakes were originally called Mochas. Hatchlings can vary from a brownish to more of a lavender colour. As adults, their colours can vary from shades of greyish lavender to a very colourful lavender with hints of peach. Like all Corn Snakes, they subdue their prey by constriction.’ Peter read as Natasha smiled and nodded. 

‘How come this is your favourite?’

Natasha pursed her lips and frowned slightly before speaking. ‘I just like the colour.’ 

Clint ran over to them – shouting about how he wanted a pet snake, before running to catch up with Steve and Bucky. Natasha didn’t elaborate about why she liked that particular snake and Peter felt that she wasn’t telling him something, so he nodded and walked over to Tony, who was having a heated discussion with Bruce about the varieties of reptiles that have been accurately recorded throughout time.  
Peter started feeling slightly too trapped in the darkness of the reptile section and luckily Wanda wanted to go to see the Meerkats, so with everyone’s acceptance that they meet up by the entrance to the Zoo by closing time (5pm), the two of them walked out of the dark reptile house and went to go and see the Meerkats.

‘Wanda, are you ok?’ Peter nudged Wanda softly.  
They were both leaning on the gate that enclosed the Meerkats, and had been there for almost 30 minutes, laughing at the different things the Meerkats were doing and discussing what type of animal they’d like to be, when Peter heard a small sniffle from Wanda, who was wiping a tear off her cheek.  
‘Sorry Pete, yeah, I just miss Pietro. We would always come to see the Meerkats at the Zoo together – they were our favourite to watch.’ She replied gently, staring at the Meerkats, with a wistful expression on her face.  
‘I’m sorry that I never got to meet him, he sounded really cool.’ Peter said, smiling as a Meerkat came up to them and stood on its back legs.  
‘He was. He would have loved you, just like we all do.’ Wanda turned to face him and gave him a big hug, as he smiled and hugged her back.  
‘He’ll be proud of you, wherever he is now. Dad and Auntie Nat say that my Aunt May is proud of me, so that means that Pietro is proud of you too.’ Peter said simply as Wanda smiled fondly at him and kissed him on the forehead.  
‘That is very true. Shall we head back and meet the others?’ She slung an arm over his shoulders and he nodded, as the two of them started to walk away from the Meerkats. 

***

‘Well I call that a very successful trip to the Zoo, did you have fun Kid?’ Tony asked, speeding down the highway. 

‘I LOVED IT! Thank you so much Dad and everyone…’ Peter glanced around at the rest of the group, who were all sat closely together and were pretty squashed in Tony’s biggest sports car. ‘…I know how busy you all are and I really did enjoy it and I didn’t mean for anyone to have to reschedule meetings or anything an…’

‘Kid, shut up, it’s fine. We all had a great time with you. We should make a habit of this actually.’ Peter grinned as Tony winked at him in the rear-view mirror and started talking to Steve about an upcoming mission from Fury. 

Peter grinned as he looked over at Clint, who was eating some of his animal candy that he bought ‘for the kids’ earlier and happily took a giraffe lollypop which was offered to him, suckling on it happily as he snuggled closer to Natasha, who carded her fingers through his hair. He smiled as he looked around at everyone who were all talking together about the highlights of the day, his team…his family.


	14. I promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's been a few weeks since the Zoo trip and Peter feels himself slipping back into his old habits again. When he wakes up from a bad nightmare, Natasha is there to remind him that it is okay to slip up, as long as you don't stay down for too long.

Peter woke up with a scream. He was drenched in sweat and his hair was stuck to his forehead as he gasped for breath. Sitting up shakily, he frantically looked around his room and realised that he was awake and was in his room in the Avengers Compound.

‘Fr…Friday?’

_‘Yes Peter?’_

‘W…what t…time is…i…it?’

_‘It is currently 3.28am Peter. Your heart rate seems to be extremely high and you appear in distress. Due to the Babymonitor protocol, I am required to inform Mr Stark of your situation.’_

‘N…no! P…please d…don’t Friday I…I don’t w…want him t…to miss s…sleep b…because of m…me…he har…hardly sl…sleeps a…as…it is...’

The AI hesitated before replying. _‘If you get any more distressed then I will have no other choice than to inform Boss, Peter.’_

‘T…thanks Fr…Fri.’

Peter frowned as his entire room seemed blurry, then he realised that he was crying and shakily wiped his pajama sleeve across his face, taking huge gulps of air to calm down. His nightmare had felt so real. That all the Avengers, Ned and MJ were laughing at him, they had all found out about his cutting and eating habits and had told him that he couldn’t be Spider-man anymore.

Gasping for breath he put his head in his hands and stifled a sob. It was two weeks after the Zoo and Peter had started to cut himself again over the past few days; he felt trapped inside his head again, not even speaking to Natasha about it, as he felt he deserved the pain. Shaking his head, he managed to regain control of his breathing and threw off his duvet, wanting to escape from the confines of his room. He decided that he would stay in the living room and watch some TV to calm down, before trying to go back to sleep again. He stood up, clutching his favourite Star Wars fluffy blanket and padded softly into the elevator and instructed Friday to take him down to the communal living room.

*** 

The first thing that Peter saw when the elevator opened was that the living room was not deserted as he had presumed, there was a familiar red head, who was reading a book on the sofa. The head turned, a quizzical expression on her face - upon hearing the ding of the elevator and then the expression immediately changed to one of concern as Peter’s face crumpled. Natasha ran over to him, as by this point he had slid out of the elevator, onto the floor and was gasping heavily again as tears threatened to fall. Every gasp of his breath seemed to burn his throat, as he struggled to breathe through the force of his sobs.

‘маленький паук, I’m here, it’s ok, I need you to breathe. Big breath in 2, 3, 4 and then out 2, 3, 4. Good, well done, again. In 2, 3, 4 and then out 2, 3, 4.’

Natasha had knelt down next to Peter and was slowly rubbing his back, helping to ground him, whilst she coached him with his breathing for a few minutes, until it was back to normal. Natasha helped Peter to stand up and she led him over to the sofa in the living room and picked up his disregarded Star Wars blanket, pulling it over him as she quietly shushed him and tears started to cascade down his cheeks.

Once he begun to cry fully, he felt like he couldn’t stop. Tears streamed down his face in a continuous stream as he felt Natasha softly sit next to him and embrace him in a firm hug, rubbing his back in a soothing manner. She simply sat next to him, holding him firmly as he fell apart in her arms; not saying anything, except whispering Russian words of endearment to him, whilst she stroked his sweaty curls off of his face and rubbed his back. A few minutes later, Peter’s heart wrenching sobs had turned to regular crying and he pulled away from her, sniffling miserably.

‘R…r….rain…rainbow.’ He wailed through shuddering breaths.

Natasha looked at him and hummed for a second, before suddenly standing up and walking into the kitchen. Peter cuddled underneath his blanket and rubbed the familiar fluffy material through his fingers as he tried to stop crying. He heard a rustling from Natasha in the kitchen, as various cupboards and drawers were opened. Shakily, he then looked around the living room and saw a half-eaten peanut butter sandwich on the coffee table and an open book – which looked really old and was handwritten in a different language – some words blotted and smudged, almost like a journal of sorts. Peter sniffled and before he could blink, a steaming mug of hot chocolate was placed in his shaking hands. He tentatively took a sip and felt the soothing mixture start to warm him up; his hands stopped shaking as he held the warm weight of the mug like a lifeline, which started to comfort him and ground him.

‘Did you have a nightmare, детка?’

Peter nodded sadly and wiped away a few of his tears, snuggling into Natasha’s side as she sat back down next to him and pulled his blanket over the both of them. ‘Do you want to talk about it?’ She pressed softly, stroking his hair as he shook his head. She sighed and held Peter closer, planting small kisses to the top of his head, as silent tears slid down his cheeks.

‘Talking helps you know. I might not be as good at this stuff as Tony is, but I’m a very good listener.’

Peter bit his lip nervously, drawing blood and Natasha frowned then gently removed it with her thumb, before smiling at him sympathetically.

‘I…I dreamt t…that eve…everyone f…found o…out about m…me and…laug…laughed and said I…said I c…couldn’t b…be Spider-man a…anymore.’ He started to cry louder and turned his head into Natasha’s chest, as she gently rubbed his back.

‘Oh детка. Shhh…it’s alright. It was just a nightmare, that would never, ever happen. If everyone found out, they would never laugh or tell you not to be Spider-man anymore. They would all be so worried and so supportive, but they wouldn’t find out unless you were ready to tell them.’ She reassured Peter, who nodded shakily.

After a few minutes, Peter sat up and looked at Natasha miserably.

‘Is there anything else going on that you want to talk to me about Pete?’ She asked softly, as he nodded. Tears welled up in his eyes again, as he talked about how over the past few days, he had felt like his mental state was slipping again and he had recently relapsed in self harm and felt like he was back in the grasps of everything again.

Natasha stayed silent, just listening to him until he finished speaking and put his head on her chest – tears soaking through her pajama top.

‘I…I deserve it…I ha…hate my…myself Auntie Nat…I’m s…sorry. It…w…won’t st…stop.’ He cried into her chest, as she quietly shushed him, silently debating something. She looked at the top of his head intensely for a few seconds, before picking up the open handwritten book from the coffee table and taking a deep breath, she began reading.

_‘October 18th. The weather is changing. There is a much colder tinge to the air this morning, the lack of heating proves this. Going outside is a rarity, which means that it is very difficult to judge whether or not there is any snow, but it can be assumed that winter is definitely on the way. This means that soon another year will have passed, another year fighting for survival, another year closer to leaving this place…’_

Peter lifted his head up from her chest and was listening silently as tears continued to stream down his face. Natasha paused, then turned the page and continued reading.

_‘October 29th. It is difficult to know where the line of training ends and I begin. Ты ничто. You are nothing. We are made to repeat this, 10 times daily and if we show any emotion, it results in punishment. I have not been punished for this, since the first day I arrived here over 7 winters ago, however today I failed another training exercise and was punished accordingly. I decided to punish myself too. It has been 214 days since my last personal punishment and I finally feel in control again. I deserve this.’_

_‘November 14th. Red is the colour that has a hundred connotations. Rage, love, hurt, warning, life and death. I want to die. I am nothing. I am no-one.’_

Natasha paused and turned the page, purposefully not looking at Peter, who had turned back into her chest, shoulders shaking with sobs as he listened. She continued reading.

_‘November 16th. I am nothing. I am no-one. I find it amusing that despite my training going relatively well today, I still have the need to punish myself. The pain helps to deal with this. I am in control. I am alive, but I don’t want to be.’_

_‘November 21st. My ankle was broken in a sparing exercise today. I continued to fight. Madame was pleased, I was not punished by her today. After training, I broke my ankle further and revelled in the pain. Ты ничто.’_ Peter looked up, tears rolling down his face, as Natasha continued reading.

_‘December 3rd. Killing is power. Power is control. Control is punishment. Ты ничто. People have started calling me the Черная вдова. I do not like it. That does not matter. I cannot like or dislike anything. I am nothing. Punishment will be doubled tonight.’_

_‘December 15th. Madame does not praise. I do not know what that is. All I know is that today I stole the life of 12 soldiers and Madame was pleased as she did not punish me. However, I know that I could have taken more. I will punish myself accordingly. I will be better. I am nothing. I am no-one.’_

_‘December 18th. There is no way out of this darkness and no way to stop the punishments. I deserve it. From Madame and from myself. Ты ничто. I will always be a mistake. I am nothing. I am no-one. I am no longer trying to stop punishing myself. I deserve the pain. I will always deserve pain.’_ Natasha finished reading for a moment and looked down at Peter who was stifling a sob.

‘I know exactly how you feel Kid. It’s okay to slip up. I did. You aren’t alone маленький паук, you never will be and you do not deserve pain.’

Peter let out a heart wrenching sob and Natasha quickly pulled him onto her lap and started rocking him back and forth, humming an old Russian lullaby under her breath, letting him cry and fall apart in her arms again. After a while, Peter sat up and rubbed his eyes tiredly, leaning into Natasha’s comforting embrace.

‘Was that your…diary?’ He whispered, glancing at the old book which was forgotten on the coffee table.

‘Yes. I kept a journal of sorts during my time in the Red Room. I started it when I was 11. The entries that I read to you, were from when I was 13. Just a year younger than you. I had been punishing myself on and off since I was 8.’

‘W…why were you r…reading it b…before I came d…down?’

Natasha pursed her lips, smiled and picked up the book and flicked to the final page, then started reading.

_‘April 24th. I woke up screaming. I dreamt about the Red Room being punished – both from Madame and myself. It was 3am and the next thing I know, everyone had piled into my room, with arms full of popcorn, ice cream and fluffy blankets; all dressed in pajamas and with determined expressions on their faces. Everyone looked half dead – probably due to it being 3am and the fact that all of us had successfully stopped an Army of Robots in New York – due to a weird Demi-God having a temper tantrum earlier; but they didn’t moan or whine, or make me talk, they just hugged me and sat around and started watching a soppy Disney film about a family of dysfunctional superheroes._

_It is now 5am as I write this and everyone is asleep around the room – with yet another Disney film being projected on my bedroom wall, this time about a family of singing lions - picked by Clint – the man who is snoring, resting his head on my shoulder, the man who saved my life a few years ago; the man who I am always going to be indebted to. I am currently writing this, as this is the last entry that I will ever write in this book, the final page, which I have been saving for a special moment and I know that this is it. This book holds so many bad memories of times when I thought I was going to die or just be a mistake for the rest of my life; however, as I look around my room in the remains of the Avengers Tower, at everyone fast asleep, under blankets, peaceful expressions on their faces, I see my team, who are always there for me, and I them. I see them all and I feel for the first time in my life, that maybe I am worth something, maybe I am somebody worth life, worth love… worth a family; this family…my family._

Natasha closed the book and smiled at Peter who smiled sadly back and she gave him a big hug.

‘I also woke up from nightmares earlier and sometimes reading how much I have grown as a person, from that scared 13 year old – who punished herself daily, to being a Superhero, being part of a family; helps me to remember who I am now and how thankful I am that I was saved all those years ago. Sometimes even I need reminding that my nightmares are just that, nightmares; things that have happened and things that will never happen. It’s okay to be scared детка, everyone gets scared. I read those particular entries to you, to show you that everyone slips up, but also that a happy life is still possible – even when it doesn’t seem like things will ever get better and you feel trapped in the darkest of thoughts.’

‘Thank you Auntie Nat and I’m sorry I didn’t tell you… I didn’t want to worry you. I thought that I’d get better but I just keep slipping up.’ Peter said sadly, sighing in contentment as she carded her fingers through his hair.

‘Don’t be silly and do not apologise. You always worry me.’ She joked, smirking as Peter giggled.

‘But seriously Pete, I am always here for you, we all are. Do not apologise and remember that everything will get better with time, I promise. Slip ups are fine, it’s just how you come back from it that counts.’ Peter nodded and apologised again, stopping midsentence when Natasha raised an eyebrow at him. Peter then debated asking Natasha something that had been bugging him.

‘Auntie Nat? You know when we all went to the zoo a few weeks ago…’ He trailed off and thought better of it as he felt like he might be overstepping, however, the superspy already knew what he was going to ask and smiled at him fondly.

‘You’re wondering about the trip to the zoo and why I didn’t tell you the real reason that the Lavender Corn Snake was my favourite, am I right?’

‘Yeah…’ Natasha smirked at his incredulous expression and she continued to speak.

‘When Lavender Corn Snakes are hatchlings, they are brown and dully coloured. Then they progress into adulthood and change into a Lavender colour, sometimes with hints of peach. I wasn’t lying when I said that I like the Lavender colour, but it is my favourite animal…well reptile, because it reminds me of me.’ She said, smirking at the confused expression on Peter’s face.

‘How does it remind you of you? You aren’t a snake!’ Natasha laughed and ruffled Peter’s hair.

‘It reminds me of me, as when I was in the Red Room – going through similar mental shit to what you're going through now, I can imagine a younger version of myself as that boring brown coloured hatchling; constantly being made to follow the biggest snake – which in my case was the headteacher and living in fear of being attacked. Then after Clint rescued me and I became the person that I was meant to be, I can now imagine myself as having transformed into a fully grown beautifully coloured predator – who does also sometimes constrict her enemies to death.’ Peter burst out laughing and Natasha felt her heart swell at the sound.

She turned on the television as Peter picked up his hot chocolate and drank from it sleepily, snuggling back into Natasha’s side. She put on a Disney film and turned it down low, carding her fingers through Peter’s hair, as he started to drift off to sleep.

‘Auntie Nat?’ He mumbled sleepily as his breaths started to even out. 

'Hmm?'

‘Thank you.'

‘Anytime kid. Things will get better, I promise.'

'I love you.’

'I love you more маленький паук.’


	15. Jump

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Peter has finally had enough of his demons and near midnight, on the top of a roof, he decides to take his own life. Can anyone find him in time? How can they, when he's disabled his AI and his tracker... Will anyone be able to save him or is it too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone,  
> Here's the main chapter of this fic - full of angst and comfort! Warnings of a suicide attempt - please don't read if you're easily triggered by this 
> 
> Stay Strong  
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
> xx

The next few days, Peter felt himself fully slipping into his old habits again, despite his conversation with Natasha, he felt completely vulnerable to his mental demons. Peter was cutting himself multiple times daily – on his thigh so nobody would see and his eating habits were so irregular, he would eat large amounts in front of the team, but would immediately throw it up in the privacy of his bathroom and had been spending increasing amounts of time out on patrol. He was annoyed that he had been doing better and now was right back at square one.

It was Thursday, late at night and Peter could be found swinging through New York; ignoring the rumbling of his stomach and the pounding ache from the fresh cuts on his thigh, that he had made before patrol. Every swing made his arms ache with protest. He presumed that a lack of food was finally taking its toll. Due to his spider metabolism, he was starting to lose weight and he could feel it, as he couldn’t keep hold of his webs as much as usual – feeling a horrible pull on his arm muscles at every swing he made. He had successfully stopped 6 robberies, a shooting, 2 car chases and a violent domestic incident, before his vision tunnelled and he started to hyperventilate.

School had been horrible, especially that day. Flash was still causing him trouble, more so now, after what had happened a few weeks ago, but earlier Flash had managed to gang up on him; and due to the fact that he was now completely refusing to initiate physical contact with Flash, he had ended up sporting a brilliant black eye and his jaw hurt from being repeatedly punched after school. Peter had sent a message to the Avengers – lying, saying that he was staying late with Ned and had immediately gone on patrol to relieve himself of his anxiety and stress of the day. He had been on patrol for just under 8 hours by this point and had purposefully not eaten since lunch time – when he had had an apple and half a sandwich.

Peter swung through the cold night air and landed onto a rooftop, gasping for breath.

_Can’tbreathecan’tbreathecan’tbreathe_

‘No, no. Please, not now. Not again. Not another p…panic attack.’ Grasping the gravel on the rooftop to ground himself, he fell to his knees and tried to focus on his breathing, which was coming in short, sharp bursts.

A few minutes later, he managed to regain his composure and his vision returned to normal, albeit blurry. He blinked and realised that he was crying. He sat down, putting his head in his hands. He was seriously debating not going back to the Compound at this point, he just wanted to be alone. He had let Flash beat him up earlier – which he had been doing since he had punched him and broken his nose, but he hadn’t said anything or hit back, for fear of making things worse. He was so hungry and was sick of not being able to sleep at night, for fear of having nightmares and waking up screaming. He hated that he hated himself so much that he cut daily. A couple of tears slid down his face as he realised that he still believed everything that Flash told him every day about how useless and worthless he was. Peter bit back a sob, he missed how happy he used to feel…that felt like a completely different person compared to how he felt now.

_Foodcalorieshungrynothungryjustfat_

_Cutcutcutcutyoudeserveit_

_Uselessnothingstupidfailure_

_Everyonehatesyou_

_Worthlesspieceofshit_

He sniffed and he felt his phone buzzing in his inner pocket of his suit, but he let it ring, he just wanted to be alone. He told Karen to block his location and took off his mask, leant his head back and looked up at the stars. He looked out at the night-time scenery of the city of New York and felt tears streaming down his face. He wanted to die, he had felt like this for a while – but ever since May died, all those old feelings had become almost overwhelming and he couldn’t stop thinking about what would happen if he jumped off the edge of a high building or off that very rooftop.

Peter stood up shakily and shuffled closer to the edge of the rooftop, taking giant shuddering breaths in an effort to calm himself down. What would happen if he didn’t catch himself, if he just let himself plummet to the ground? He felt his phone ring – hidden in an inner pocket in his suit, he took it out and blinked away his tears, feeling his stomach drop when he read the screen.

_9 missed calls; 2 voice mails and 5 messages from Tony Stark (Irondad)_

_7 missed calls; a voice mail and 3 messages from Natasha Romanoff (Auntie Nat)_

_4 missed calls from Steve Rogers_

_3 missed calls from Clint Barton_

_2 missed calls from Wanda Maximoff_

Peter swore under his breath and felt his breath pick up again when he glanced at the time. He was almost 15 minutes after curfew. Tony was going to kill him; it was almost midnight. He opened up the messages, sniffling.

***From Tony Stark (Irondad) 8.14pm**

_Hey Kid – you usually check in when you’re out on patrol, is everything ok? I know it isn’t school tomorrow, because you’ve got that staff training day thingy, but I thought we could have a day out somewhere, your call. Let me know. Dad x_

***From Tony Stark (Irondad) 9.52pm**

_Peter I’ve tracked your suit and your vitals are fine, why aren’t you answering my calls?? Capsicle is accusing me of being a helicopter dad, but I’m getting a bit worried about you. If you want some space then that’s fine, just let me know you’re ok. Dad x_

***From Tony Stark (Irondad) 10:17pm**

_Friday said you’re fine and are currently not in any danger so why are you not answering my calls, Steves or Natashas? Call me when you get this please – I’m not mad, just a bit worried. Dad x_

***From Tony Stark (Irondad) 11.06pm**

_I’m getting pissed off now Kid. Friday has just informed me that you have turned off your location so I can’t track you. I’m not happy. CALL ME. You better be home by curfew or no lab privileges for a week – you know the drill._

***From Tony Stark (Irondad) 11.34pm**

_When you pick up your phone you are in so much trouble for missing curfew. Get your ass back here now. If you are not here in the next 20 minutes, I will personally hack into every surveillance camera in New York to find you and then ground you until you’re 50. CALL ME._

Peter then listened to Tony’s voicemails – telling him to get back to the compound or else. His throat felt like it was closing up as he began to struggle for breath and he felt his hands getting sweaty through his suit; he had been on that rooftop for almost an hour, thinking about falling to his death. It felt like minutes... He swallowed back a mouthful of bile when he realised that he was at the edge of the rooftop. One step and he would be gone forever. He bit back a sob and listened to her voicemail which was telling him to call her. He then opened up Natasha’s messages and felt tears stream down his face.

***From Natasha Romanoff (Auntie Nat) 10.28pm**

_Hi Kid, Tony is worried about you because you haven’t messaged him back. How’s patrol going, is everything ok? Nat xo_

***From Natasha Romanoff (Auntie Nat) 11.12pm**

_So you’re not answering my calls either then. Pete – this is really unlike you, what’s going on? We’re just worried. Nat xo_

***From Natasha Romanoff (Auntie Nat) 11.36pm**

_I know where you are. Don’t even think about trying to run off. I’ll be there in 5. Nat xo_

Peter began to hyperventilate. He dropped his phone onto the roof-top and it landed face down with an audible _crunch_. He felt tears cascade down his face as he struggled to draw a breath.

_Foodcaloriesfoodcalories_

_Cutcutcutcutyoudeserveit_

_Uselessnothingstupidfailure_

_Everyonehatesyou_

_Ifyoudienoonewouldcare_

_YoucanbewithMayagainifyoujump_

_Worthlesspieceofshit_

_Jumpjumpjump_

He felt trapped, like all the oxygen had been sucked out of the air. All he could see was the ground as he looked down from the edge of the roof-top. A few steps and he would be gone. Gone from the world.

_Jumpjumpjumpjumpjump_

At some point, Peter had started to scratch at his arms, trying to ground himself by any means necessary.

‘Pete?’

He whipped around and saw the familiar red hair of Natasha Romanoff, who was standing opposite him, by the top of a fire escape and was watching him intently, her hands held in front of her in a placating gesture.

‘N…n…no…s…sta…stay b…back!’ He gasped, clutching at his throat as he struggled for breath.

Natasha took a step towards him and he stepped backwards. Natasha immediately froze.

‘маленький паук. Come away from the edge. Whatever’s going on, we can work this out together.’

Peter shook his head and he then looked her in the eyes. Natasha inhaled sharply, seeing the blank emotionless look in his eyes, like he had given up on himself – something that she used to see, which was reflected in any mirror in the Red Room that she looked in.

‘I…I’m a burden…to everyone…everyone w…would b…be better off…if I wasn’t here…anymore. W…would it s…stop?’ By the end of the sentence, Peter had started to talk more so to himself, regaining control of his breathing as the idea of jumping and not having the pain anymore, started to calm him, and Natasha schooled her expression into her usual neutral one, but inside she was panicking. She couldn’t call Tony or any of the Avengers, as then Peter would feel completely trapped, and she knew that there was a chance that he would jump and it was up to her to stop him. 

‘Peter, listen to me and come away from the edge. You don’t want to do this, Kid.’

‘YOU DON’T KNOW WHAT I WANT!’ Peter roared, tears streaming down his face as he clenched his hands so hard that Natasha could see blood pooling under his fingers.

‘So tell me.’ Natasha said simply, as Peter swiped his sleeve across his face angrily.

‘I’M USELESS…I’M NOT AN AVENGER…I KILLED MY UNCLE BEN AND M…MY AUNT…FLASH IS RIGHT…I’M A WORTHLESS ORPHAN A…AND NO-ONE C…COULD LOVE ME…I HATE…MYSELF AN…AND I D…DON’T DESERVE TO …BE SPIDER-MAN A…ANYMORE, I…CA…CAN’T E…EVEN F…FIGHT BACK… I’M…S…SO…STUPID…AN…AND…W…WEAK…EV…EVERYONE…WOULD B…BE…BETTER…OFF…WI…WITHOUT M…ME. I C…CAN’T D…DO THIS A…ANYMORE. I…I WANT OUT. I WANT IT TO END!’ He screamed, taking another step backwards and he felt his heels touch the edge of the rooftop. Natasha felt her heart clench for him and tried to think of something to calm him down fast. Nothing she could say to reassure him would work, she needed to distract him, to show him that she understood – but still show him that he was worth life – just like how Clint had shown her all those years ago, when she was trying to put a bullet in her head. She looked at Peter who was openly sobbing now, horrible heart wrenching sobs.

‘Peter…’ Natasha’s voice quivered as she looked at the broken teenager who was falling apart in front of her and was contemplating taking his own life.

‘…I…I D…DESERVE TO D…DIE. I’M USEL…USELESS. E…EVERYONE WOULD BE…BE BETTER OFF…WITHOUT M…ME.’

‘маленький паук. None of that is true and you know it. Please let me help you.’ Natasha begged.

‘I…I want to die…Auntie Nat…I…can’t d…do this anymore...I…I’m sorry.’ Natasha swore under her breath and desperately tried to remember what Clint had told her when he saved her, or anything that she had ever read about suicide prevention, but her mind was blank and all she could remember was one sentence that he had said to her a few weeks prior.

_Just be you. That’s more than enough. It will always be more than enough._

Peter’s voice broke her from her thoughts. ‘I’m…s…so…sorry…I…just can’t d…do this any…anymore.’ She saw Peter shuffle backwards ever so slightly, so that his heels were now hanging off the edge. Natasha felt her breath catch in her throat and before she knew what she was doing, she found herself nodding and had sat down on the roof-top a few feet away from Peter, her legs crossed in a somewhat calm position, addressing him as if they were just discussing the weather.

‘Remember what I told you? About how I was in the exact same situation as you are now? How did that story end?’

Peter immediately met her eyes. ‘W…we aren’t t…the same.’

‘No, we aren’t.’ Natasha agreed. ‘You’re better than I ever was.’ She noticed that he had stopped shuffling backwards and had actually taken a very small step forward, towards her by that point and his heels weren’t hanging off the roof anymore.

‘What happened at the end of that story?’ She pressed, looking at Peter who was silently crying now.

‘Y…you we…were saved.’ Natasha nodded.

‘Yes, I was, but that wasn’t the end of the story was it?’ She inwardly sighed in relief as he took another step towards her, frowning slightly.

‘I…I don’t r…remember the ending?’

Natasha smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes – which were still focussed on Peter not stepping backwards. ‘I’ll give you a hint. Ice-cream, popcorn and singing Lions.’

Peter sniffled and bowed his head as tears flooded down his cheeks, which were tinted red from the cold night air.

‘Y…you f…foun…found a…a…family.’

‘Yes. But there was a time that I thought I didn’t deserve one. How could anyone possibly love someone as pathetic as me? I hurt myself to feel pain and punishment, I used it as control – how could anyone love anyone as messed up as that? I felt worthless, a useless piece of shit, who wasn’t worth life. It took Clint and the other Avengers to show me that I wasn’t the person who I thought I was.’

Peter stayed silent, but she knew he was listening and carried on speaking.

‘And, those weirdos who are currently worried shitless about you at the Compound, care about you too. They care so much and you are definitely part of this family too Peter. We all love you so much Kid, we would be lost without you.’

‘…I just…I just can’t fight a…anymore Auntie Nat…I…feel so useless…’ Natasha nodded and stood up, then when she didn’t see Peter step back, she took a few steps towards him, until they were in touching distance.

‘You don’t have to fight by yourself anymore детка. You don’t have to hide anything from me anymore. I should have noticed the signs that you were feeling like this and that’s on me, but I swear to you, even if it takes until the day I die, to show you that you are worth life, then that’s what I’ll do. We’re going to get through this together. I love you so much маленький паук. Everything will be ok. I promise.’ She said in a kind voice, holding out her arms for him.

Peter nodded as tears continued to cascade down his face, landing with a soft patter onto the roof and with a huge sob he flung himself into her open arms.

‘…I’m…s…so…sorry…A…Auntie…N…Nat. I d…did…didn’t m…mean t…to…’ He wailed, as she quietly shushed him and stroked his hair, planting kisses to the top of his head.

‘I know, it’s ok, you’re ok. I’m here детка. I’ve got you.’

‘I…I’m sorry…I d…didn’t t…tell you...I…I…I di…didn’t w…want yo..you to th…think I w…was weak…’ He sobbed, as she continued to reassure him, rubbing comforting circles into his back with her hand.

Natasha swallowed past a lump that had formed in her throat. ‘I know kid, I know. It’s ok, you’re ok. I’m not mad don’t worry, I should have realised, but I forgot how easy it is to hide this stuff when you’re in the grasps of it all. We’re going to get through this together, ok?’ Peter nodded and started to hiccough as his cries quietened down.

‘What do you say that we get off this roof? Don’t know about you, but I could really use one of my Belgium hot chocolates right about now.’ Natasha started to help Peter to walk, keeping a strong hand on his shoulder, a sigh of relief escaping her after feeling no resistance from him, she gently guided him to the fire escape and they made their way down. Halfway down, Natasha managed to send a quick text to the Avengers that she had found Peter and they were on their way back.

‘H…how d…did you f…fi…find me? I…t…turned Kar…Karen off.’ Natasha chuckled at the fact that Peter had named his AI after the computer from Spongebob – which he insisted that they watch at least 2 episodes of, every Saturday morning together.

‘Yeah well, you’re talking to a superspy who hacked into the global network in 9 minutes, in the middle of an Apple Store. Tony might be good at making suits of flying armour, but he hasn’t got a patch on me and my hacking abilities.’ She raised an eyebrow at Peter, who gave her a small smile.

‘Honestly, it took like a minute. I just wired a search on my phone over this area of New York – as someone had tweeted about you swinging around earlier – and I know how you patrol, so you wouldn’t have gone far. Then I hacked into the nearest traffic cameras and adjusted them to see trails of your webbing that lead to this roof. I slipped away from the others, nicked one of Tony’s sports cars, drove here and probably gained 100 speeding tickets and then I saw you up here.’

Peter nodded, took a shaky breath and then pressed his face against her chest and she felt tears soaking her top.

‘Hey, shhh…it’s ok. I’m not mad. I’m just happy that I found you in time детка.’

‘I’m h…happy th…that you f…found me t…too. T…thank you f…for sa…saving m…me A…Auntie Nat.’

Natasha pressed him closer to her chest and hugged him firmly as they reached the black BMW, which was hidden in shadows in an abandoned alleyway, near the fire escape.

‘I will always save you маленький паук.’


	16. What do we do now?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After finding Peter about to commit suicide, Natasha takes him back to the Compound, but what will everyone think? Will they find out about what happened??

The car ride back to the Compound was relatively quiet. Peter had his head leaning on the window and was sniffling every now and again, all he could think about was that he had almost killed himself, he felt like such a burden; Natasha sensed that he was lost in his thoughts, so she flicked the radio onto a soft classical music channel and kept her eyes focussed on the road, as she sped through the streets of New York.

‘Auntie Nat?’

Natasha hummed in response, as she swerved down a narrow road and glanced over at Peter, quirking an eyebrow.

‘Wh…what do I say to everyone? I…I’m not r…ready for th…them to k…know about…about everything…’ A slight frown crossed Natasha’s face for a second, before she schooled her expression into her usual neutral one and pursed her lips.

‘I’m not here to tell you what to do, but I don’t think that keeping this all a secret is helping anyone. The only ones awake are Tony, Steve, Clint, Wanda and myself. So, either you lie about what happened earlier or you come clean about it all. They’ll just want to help you Kid and I…’ Natasha broke off and her voice softened considerably as she gave him a sad smile.

‘…I couldn’t live with myself if I was on a mission and you died because you didn’t have anyone to help you. I think it’s time that you tell them.’

Peter bit his lip and choked on a sob, swiping angrily at his face as he gave her a betrayed expression.

‘Y…you pr…promised you w…wouldn’t t…tell!’

‘I did.’ Natasha replied immediately. ‘I did promise you that and I always stand by my promises. My lips remain sealed. This is up to you and I will support you with whatever you decide to do, but I think that you could use some more support and that those people in there…’ She gestured to the faint outline of the Avengers Compound that was rapidly growing closer as they sped towards it. ‘…will want to help you, because they love you.’

Peter bowed his head and Natasha’s heart clenched as she heard his soft crying, which grew steadily louder as she turned into the Compound and scanned her badge through the window. Friday welcomed them both back and Natasha pulled up into the garage and parked the car.

‘Pete?’

Natasha undid her seat belt and turned to face Peter, who had his head in his hands and was now openly sobbing again.

‘Hey, hey, shhhh. It’ll all be ok, I promise. Nobody will think any less of you Kid.’

Peter cried louder and buried his head into Natasha’s chest, as she rubbed his back and quietly shushed him, murmuring to him softly in Russian.

‘I…I…can’t…’ His voice was choked with tears and Natasha continued rubbing his back, placing her hand on the back of his head, holding it to her shoulder.

‘Do you want me to tell them?’ Natasha pressed gently, carding her fingers through his hair.

‘N…no!’

‘Ok, I won’t do anything unless you give me the all clear. Why don’t you want to tell them? What’s the worst possible scenario going through that cute head of yours?’ His body shook against her strong arms and she held him firmly, rocking him back and forth slightly.

‘T…Tony…a…and…ev…everyone…will…h…hate m…me!’ He wailed, fisting his hands in her jacket, as if worried that she would disappear and leave him right there.

Natasha frowned and instinctively held him closer.

‘Oh маленький паук. Nobody will hate you - they love you and just want what’s best for you. If you don’t want to tell them tonight, then that’s fine, but can you promise me that you’ll think about it?’ Peter nodded and burst into tears again, rubbing his eyes. Natasha knew that cry anywhere – as it was the same cry that Clint’s kids’ did when they were overtired.

‘Shhh, shhh, I know.’ She soothed and made a move to move Peter into a sitting up position, but he whined and clung to her tightly and she resigned herself to the fact that she was going to have to carry him into the Compound. Whenever she carried him to bed if he fell asleep on the couch or was doing homework at ungodly hours in the morning, she was thankful that he barely weighed more than Clint’s kids – even though he was 14 – thanks to the spiderbite which had done something to his bone density; but now she could also feel his ribs and inwardly sighed. Natasha gently lifted him up and he instinctively wrapped his legs around her waist, arms around her neck and put his head on her shoulder as she kissed him on the top of his head and started to walk into the Compound.

‘Ok детка, let’s get you a hot chocolate and into bed. You need a good night’s sleep. Don’t worry about everyone, I’ll sort everything out and I won’t say anything to them about any of it.’ Peter nodded and his breaths began to slow, still eliciting whimpers every now and again, as Natasha continued to reassure him. She felt Peter start to cry again as they reached the front door and she quietly shushed him and sighed in relief as Friday opened the front door and a large burst of warm air engulfed them both. She had already decided to lie about his whereabouts that night as it was too late for this serious discussion, due to it being after midnight by this point; but she was determined to talk to him properly over the coming days, about telling the team sooner rather than later.

Tony and the others immediately ran over to the both of them, when they stepped out of the elevator. Natasha put out one of her hands in a stop gesture and glared at them all, as if daring them to shout at Peter for being out after curfew – who cowered and hid his face further into her neck.

‘Natasha. What the absolute fuck is going on?’ Tony demanded, looking from Peter and then back to her, evidently in shock. He was expecting the Kid to have gone to a party or something, or have been kidnapped, then he envisaged grounding him and yelling for a bit; however what he didn’t expect was for Peter to be literally clinging to a master assassin, crying by the looks of his shaking shoulders and Natasha giving him a death stare, eyebrow raised.

‘I will explain everything, when the Kid has had a hot chocolate and is in bed. Any objections?’

‘Yes!’ Tony, Steve, Clint and Wanda said unanimously.

Natasha shifted Peter’s weight to one side and walked to the kitchen, followed by the awake team members. She racked her head and came up with the most convincing lie that she could think of.

‘Peter, was on patrol and he dropped his phone – which smashed…’ She pulled out Peter’s broken phone from when he dropped it on the rooftop and showed it to them all.

‘…which explains why he didn’t pick up the calls or reply to any messages.’ Steve muttered. Natasha nodded and looked at everyone pointedly. She started to make Peter a hot chocolate, quietly shushing him as he started to whimper again.

‘Why was his location manually turned off then and why is he not telling us this himself?!’ Tony demanded angrily, as Natasha continued to quietly console Peter, who had started to fully cry again.

‘Peter has had a horrible patrol and wants to be left alone. He is feeling very vulnerable at the minute, he watched somebody jump and take their own life, but didn’t get to them in time and so is blaming himself. He had turned off his location, to prove a point to the person, that he wasn’t trying to call for back up to handle the situation. Unfortunately, the person still jumped. I hacked into the traffic cameras and managed to find Peter. He was very upset, didn’t know the time and I brought him back here. I covered it all up, as I didn’t want Spider-man to be seen having a mental breakdown in public. Any questions?’ Natasha looked pointedly at Tony and Steve, who both shook their heads and looked sadly at Peter, whose shoulders were shaking as Natasha turned to him and started to quietly comfort him in Russian.

‘God Kid, we had no idea. We’ll let you have your hot chocolate in peace then. Just, try to keep an eye out for curfew and next time, get Karen to call us or something please.’ Tony asked, rubbing Peter’s back, as he nodded and mumbled ‘sorry’. The rest of the Avengers followed suit. They all wished Peter a goodnight and told him to keep his chin up and don’t worry, then they all filed out to bed, except Clint who was standing looking at Natasha with an amused smirk on his face – which was masking the concern.

‘Nice try Tasha, but you and I both know that that was a pile of shit. What’s really going on?’ He said in Russian, as Natasha turned away and poured the hot milk into her special Belgium chocolate mixture.

‘Later, I need to put the Kid to bed.’ She replied in Russian, setting Peter down, so he was sitting on top of the kitchen Island, wiping his face tiredly and sniffling miserably. She handed him a mug of hot chocolate and stood behind him, holding her own cup. Clint nodded and walked into the living room and turned on the TV.

A few minutes later, Natasha saw Peter start to sway slightly from where he was sitting and had to lunge forwards to catch his empty hot chocolate mug, before it shattered on the floor.

‘S’rry.’ Peter slurred, as Natasha shook her head fondly.

‘Don’t apologise, you’re exhausted маленький паук. Come on, let’s get you into bed.’ Natasha picked him up and carried him to bed, chuckling as she felt his breath even out before they had reached his bedroom.

‘маленький паук, you can’t go to sleep in your suit, let’s get you into some fluffy pjs.’ Peter sighed as he sleepily blinked his eyes open. Natasha set him down on his bed and picked out some fluffy, scientific dinosaur cartoon pajamas, from his drawer. She turned around so he could change and when he mumbled an ‘ok’, she turned back round and helped him into bed, lifting his comforter so he could slide in. She reached behind his headboard and pulled out his teddy bear, which he gladly reached out for and held close to his chest, nuzzling his face into its fur. Natasha sat down next to him and stroked his hair, as he started to cry again.

‘Shhh…you’re ok. I’m here детка.’

‘N…no…ca…can’t…sle…sleep…n…nig…nightmares...a…all…alone…’ He sobbed, hugging his teddy tighter – too tired to care about how childish he looked. Natasha smiled sadly at him and wiped his tears away with her thumb. She settled down next to him and pulled him closer to her. His eyes fluttered closed and he sighed, listening to her heartbeat as he rested his head on her chest, as she carded her fingers through his hair.

‘Not tonight маленький паук. I’m not going anywhere.’ She soothed, smiling at him as he looked up at her with eyes glistening with tears.

‘P…pro…promise A…Auntie N…Nat?’

‘I promise Pete. I’m not going anywhere.’ He blinked sleepily.

‘L…love… y…you…Auntie… Nat.’

‘I love you my маленький паук. Now close your eyes and relax.’ Natasha said gently, and she started to sing softly to Peter, whose cries quietened down as he listened.

‘Если жизнь тебя обманет, Не печалься, не сердись! В день уныния смирись: День веселья, верь, настанет. Сердце в будущем живет; Настоящее уныло: Всё мгновенно, всё пройдет; Что пройдет, то будет мило.’

Natasha finished singing and looked down at Peter. His breaths had evened out and he had snuggled closer to her; even in sleep he felt scared and Natasha felt her heart break for him. She held him tighter and gently planted a kiss to his forehead.

‘Things will look brighter in the morning. Sweet dreams my маленький паук.’


	17. I believe in you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Clint have a heart to heart and Natasha faces some of her demons, then goes to see Tony and demands answers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!  
> I was going to wait until Thursday to post this, but I couldn't wait! This chapter is full of angst and fluff and has an unexpected twist at the end!!!  
> Please leave a comment and a kudos if you liked it and the next chapter will be up at the weekend:)
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
> xx

'I swear to God, Barton if you steal my fucking herbal tea again, I will knife you.’ Natasha muttered, pouring some hot kettle water into a mug and glaring at Clint who was sat near her, in the kitchen on top of the fridge, in sweat pants and a baggy t-shirt. He feigned innocence and put his hand over his heart.

‘That cut deep Nat. Why do you always accuse me of stealing your stuff?’

‘Because it _is_ always you.’

‘That is actually true.’ He laughed and threw her a packet of teabags, which he had been hiding under his t-shirt. She caught it without looking, then proceeded to make her tea the way she liked it.

It was just after 5am and both the assassins were in the kitchen, making an early breakfast. Peter was sound asleep upstairs and Natasha had told Friday to inform her the second that he woke up. Clint moved to sit at the table and Natasha picked up her drink, sat down and slid over another mug of steaming herbal tea to Clint, which she had made for him and he smiled gratefully at her.

‘So, how come you’re up then?’

‘Brain won’t shut the fuck up.’ Clint sighed heavily. Natasha looked at him questioningly before sipping her tea and gestured for him to continue.

‘After the whole thing with the accords and making up with Stark and all of us moving back here like a big dysfunctional family, it makes me miss Laura and the Kids, also I’m worried about Peter. Are you going to tell me what actually happened with him earlier?’ He asked, raising an eyebrow at Natasha who sighed and bit her lip.

‘I found him standing at the edge of a roof-top Clint. If I wasn’t there, he would have jumped.’

‘Oh shit.’

‘Yep.’ She said, sipping her drink and staring out of the kitchen window. Clint reached over and held her hand in his.

‘Maybe it’s time that you tell Stark and everyone?’

Natasha glared at him. ‘Don’t you think that I’ve tried to get him to tell the others? I don’t want his death on my conscience if I’m not here!’

‘How about you get the kid to sit down with me, and you of course and we’ll have a chat together? Obviously, I know most of what’s been going on, but this way the kid will have to open up to me – then hopefully when he sees that nothing bad will happen, he’ll feel more comfortable opening up to everyone else?’ Clint mused, as Natasha seemed lost in thought and finally nodded in agreement.

‘That could work. Who knew that you were capable of good ideas Barton?’ She joked, but the usual laughter wasn’t in her eyes and Clint gave her a sad smile and looked knowingly at her.

‘Nat. What’s going on?’

‘The kid literally just tried to kill myself and as of right now, he is on suicide watch and I have literally no idea what to do! I’m so worried about him constantly and I don’t know why I can’t just put it to the back of my head like I’m trained to do! I’m not cut out for this Barton. I shouldn’t be giving out advice and consoling him constantly…I can’t be this parental figure to him – that’s Starks job!’

Clint laughed and smiled at her fondly – ignoring the death glare she was giving him over her mug of tea. ‘Tasha. I have 3 kids and I know a parent when I see one. You already are and no amount of prior training will stop you from worrying about the Kid. You’re too emotionally involved now and that’s fine.’ Natasha looked confused and Clint chuckled. ‘Nat…you literally carried him to bed last night and I’m assuming stayed with him – probably due to a fear of nightmares?’ She nodded and looked at him expectantly to continue.

‘That kid absolutely adores you and I know that you love him too. It’s okay to be scared – that’s pretty much the main part of being a parent actually. That kid has all of us – hell he’s even started calling Tony his dad, but there’s a special relationship that the two of you have, which has grown especially since all the shit with him losing his Aunt 2 months ago…’ Clint broke off and looked at her seriously. ‘…maybe he could use a bit of official stability – seeing as Stark is only his temporary guardian, he must feel like he still doesn’t properly belong here to some extent. Stark has been mulling it over for ages, but he seems to think he is too busy to be his full-time parent. Why don’t you think about adopting him?’ Natasha started choking on her tea and Clint had to pat her on her back a few times, until she started gasping and talking rapidly in Russian.

‘Are you mental? That’s insane! I can’t be someone’s mother! I’m a fucking assassin – not a role model! I can’t do that, it’s too much pressure and what if he says no? What am I supposed to do? Tie him to a chair and demand that he say yes?! This is no life for a kid to grow up with, what if I get injured on a mission or worse – what if my enemies found out about him and use him to get to me?! What would Tony say – I thought he was going to adopt him at some point, despite his worries about SI? The kid even started calling him Dad recently! I love Peter to pieces and yes I would gladly die for him and if I was anyone but who I am – then of course I’d love to be his mother…but I’m me and I can’t be his mother – I…Clint, I’m not good enough…he deserves someone better…I…I…can’t… I can’t breathe… oh my god…’

Clint hurriedly walked round the Kitchen Island and knelt down next to Natasha, rubbing her back soothingly as she gasped for breath.

‘Hey, breathe Romanoff – don’t you go passing out on me. Come on, 1, 2, 3, 4. Good job, just like that. There you go?’ Natasha shakily sat up after realising that her head had gone into her hands at some point and she grabbed her mug and held it in her hands, enjoying the warmth that the mug provided, helping to keep her grounded.

Of course she’d thought about asking Tony if she could maybe be listed as one of Peter’s official guardians and even had thought about the idea of adoption, but had told herself that he would never want a Russian assassin as a mother figure and she never thought of herself as maternal, so she had always shook the idea off…besides, there was no way that Peter would want a murderer as a mother…she just wasn’t good enough for him…for anyone…she was destined to be alone…

‘Damn, guess I owe Cap $10.’ Clint mused, breaking Natasha out of her thoughts; she quirked an eyebrow in a silent question.

‘Oh, a few of us had a bet going about how you’d react to the idea of adopting the Kid. I thought you’d take it well, so I lost the bet to Cap – who thought you’d have a breakdown; although Bucky thought you’d throw a mug and Sam thought you’d maim someone.’

‘What?’ Natasha growled, glaring at him incredulously. He sighed and sat down next to her and held her hand.

‘Nat, you adopting Peter has literally been all we’ve been talking about for days. We’ve all seen how you are with him. Helping him with homework, how you always make sure he feels like he can speak up when he doesn’t want to voice his opinions. How you carry him to bed – when he falls asleep on the sofa at movie night, how you always make him breakfast and are usually the first one he runs to when he’s upset. Look, I was in the vents a few days ago and overhead Tony telling Pepper that he’s too busy running SI and being Ironman, but he loves the Kid so much and is so happy that he’s starting to see him as a Dad figure, but he doesn’t think that he is the best option for Peter…then something about a good idea and options… Then he said that was forced to have temporary guardianship – otherwise the Kid would have gone into the system; and he doesn’t mind because he loves having him around, but he thinks that someone else would be better long-term for him and some other stuff that I couldn’t hear properly. From what I gathered, he was discussing alternative proper guardians with Pepper and one name that was mentioned repeatedly, was yours. He was actually planning on catching up with you today about it.’

Natasha blinked and shook her head in disbelief, ignoring the warmth that spread through her chest as she imagined actually adopting Peter and then she felt scared, too much pressure, how could she do this all by herself? Despite her heart beating out of her chest, she schooled her expression into her usual expressionless face and glared at Clint. ‘As touching as that is, that you’re all betting behind my back and arranging my future for me, I don’t think that a trained Russian assassin is the best role model for the Kid. Also, what about if I’m on missions! How am I supposed to just leave him, knowing how much he’s struggling?’ Clint smiled apologetically at her and she waved him off, taking a large sip of her tea to remain calm.

‘Fury would relocate you to nearby – no questions asked, you know he would. You have the Quinjet, so the Kid would be fine with the rest of us for a few nights every month. Nat, this would be good for the both of you. You can be the support for each other that you both need.’

A tear slid down Natasha’s cheek and she whispered brokenly. ‘Clint. I’m no good for him. I don’t want him to turn out like I did. I…I’m just no good. He deserves better, you can’t be sure that I won’t mess him up.’

Clint stood up and embraced her in a hug. ‘If there’s one thing that I am sure of, it’s that that boy loves you and thinks the world of you, no matter what you’ve done or who you’ve killed. You are not a bad person, Natasha and you won’t mess him up, I know that. You are amazing and everyone knows it but you. You can do this, I believe in you, so does everyone else. Hell, even Tony agrees that you can do this – otherwise he wouldn’t have mentioned you as an option for guardianship! You love that kid so much – I see how your face lights up when he’s in the room and how much fun you have together.’

‘That doesn’t mean that I’m ready to be his mother!’

Clint gave her a kind smile and patted her shoulder. ‘You already are, and you know it – that’s why you’re so scared, because you’ve wanted this for a long time now. Admit it Tasha…you know you want toooo…’

Natasha swore at him in Russian.

‘Get out of my head Barton and piss off.’

‘Ok, ok. How about…I know, I’ll go wake the kid up and see what he thinks about all this!’

‘Do that and I’ll run you through with this knife, understand?’ Natasha slid her pocket knife out of her pocket and twirled it around her fingers menacingly.

‘Understood, Spidermom.’ He laughed and ducked as she flicked the knife towards his head and it landed in the wall behind him.

‘Fancy going to train for a bit?’ Natasha shook her head and got up, then walked to the elevator.

‘No, think I’m going to take a little visit down to see Stark.’ Clint nodded and started to tidy up the kitchen, when he saw Natasha turn around and look at him.

‘Clint?’

‘Hmm?’

‘Thanks.’

‘Anytime Romanoff. Don’t think that I’ll go easy on you on Mario Kart later though.’ He winked at her and her lips curled up into a smirk, then she walked into the elevator and told Friday to take her to see Tony.

***

‘Let me in Stark, before I hurt you!’ Natasha yelled over the ACDC that was blasting out of the lab. Tony sighed and called up to Friday to let Natasha in. She stormed over to where he was standing and was currently in the middle of working on an Ironman suit, surrounded by cups of coffee and papers that littered his workspace. She looked at him angrily and he flashed her a smile.

‘Good morning to you too Red. How can I be of service? Although, on second thoughts, I’m not sure that you can afford my hourly rate actua…’

‘Cut the shit Tony. I know that you’ve been talking about me behind my back to Pepper and I want answers now.’

‘Have a seat.’ Tony replied smoothly and gestured for Natasha to sit down.

Tony made some room and perched on the corner of his work desk, looking at Natasha with an undereadable expression.

‘I’m sorry.’

‘For what? Not speaking to me about asking me to adopt a child, or for talking about me behind my back? How about sorry for leading the Kid on for almost 3 months and letting him call you his Dad? How could you do this to him?! He’s a child, he doesn’t deserve this shit Tony – how could you do this? I could honestly fucking kill you right now!’ She shouted, feeling her blood boil as Tony sat there looking somewhat confused.

‘Nat, I’m not going to lie, I’m pretty lost right now, can you catch me up a bit before you kill me please? Why would I not want to adopt my kid?’

‘Clint literally just told me that a few days ago, he overheard you telling Pepper that I should adopt him long-term because you couldn’t do it! How could you possibly think that I coul…hang on, your kid?’ Tony raised his eyebrow at her.

‘Yes…my Kid. I’ve already signed the adoption papers and if your genius feathered friend heard the entirety of the conversation – to which he had no business listening in on anyway, he would have also told you, that I was going to adopt Peter by myself anyway, even though I’m mega busy; but Pepper actually gave me the idea of looking for someone to co-parent with me – you know incase of an untimely death or whatever on my part. We thought of everyone we knew, but always came back to you as the most sensible option, because of how close you are with him – last night cemented that fact. I was honestly going to talk to you today about it, if you don’t want to then that’s fine, it was just an idea.’ He finished somewhat lamely and looked at Natasha for an answer.

‘Tony, why would you even consider me? You know what I’ve done – who I was before all of this, I’ve killed so many people, there’s so much red in my ledger and I don’t want him to turn out like me. I don’t want to hurt him.’ A tear trickled down her cheek and Tony sighed heavily.

‘Tasha, if there’s one thing I know, it’s that you would never hurt that kid. Anyway, there’s actually about 10 of us – 11 if you include the Demi-God, who are raising him and between us, we’ve probably endangered the Universe at least half a dozen times and killed more people than we care to admit. None of us know what we’re doing and we all have our own shit going on, but we’re giving this parenting thing a pretty good go and I think that Peter knows that. Me and you can’t be a match for his Aunt, but we always have his best interests at heart – so do the rest of the team and I want to show him that we are taking looking after him seriously. I was going to throw an adoption party and everything. Listen, Nat. Signing these papers, essentially just means that me and you are his first point of call – which to be honest, isn’t that much of a stretch than usual. I just want him to be happy you know? A real part of this weirdass dysfunctional family. Pepper has said that she will sign it if you don't, so don't worry about that, but we both thought that you should be given the opportunity to be his adoptive mother first as you're much closer to the Kid than she is. We just want him to be happy and we think that he will be happiest with you and me co-parenting.' Tony rifled through some papers in a top drawer of the work desk, then slid them over to Natasha who glanced at the front page.

_Adoption Papers for one Peter Benjamin Parker, age 14._

‘How about it then Romanoff – fancy being Peter’s adoptive mother and joining me in the fascinating and somewhat terrifying world of parenthood?’

‘…I’d love to.’ Natasha said breathlessly, as tears streamed down her face.

‘You would?’

‘Yeah. I was worried that I wouldn’t be able t…to handle it all by myself, but if there’s two of us, then that makes it all a bit easier and…I love him so much. It would be an honour. Thank you…’ Natasha broke off and bit her lip, then looked at Tony sadly.

‘…but I can’t accept your offer…as much as I want to.’ Tony raised his eyebrow questioningly.

‘And why would that be?’

‘It’s not my place to say, but there are some things that you don’t know about Peter and I couldn’t accept this offer in good confidence, knowing that I’m essentially lying to you, by keeping things from you. I might be an assassin, but I’m not a monster anymore…I’m sorry Tony, I think you need to talk to Peter, I promised that I wouldn’t say anything, he trusted me and I’m not about to betray his trust.’

‘No, you’re right. You are no monster Natasha Romanoff. You see a monster wouldn’t be able to talk a 14 year old Kid out of plummeting to his death on the top of a very high building. Said monster, would not be able to get him back home safely, in one piece, make up a brilliant lie to protect him and his wishes and then fall asleep with him – because he didn’t want to be alone.’ Tony said looking at Natasha pointedly, who had her mouth open in shock.

‘W…wha…ho…how…I…I’m sorry…I promised…him…I tried to tell him to t…tell you all…how di…did you find out?’

‘Woah, chill out Nat, I don’t fancy taking a trip to the medbay to see Brucie-Bear this early because you’ve passed out on me.’ He looked at her and waited patiently for a few minutes until she could breathe somewhat normally again, before he continued.

‘I’m not mad. I’m a bit hurt that he didn’t come to me about how he was feeling and that for some reason, you had to lie to us all, but I appreciate that he confided in you and you didn’t want to rat him out. As you can see…’ Tony gestured around himself and stood up, walking over to a projector.

‘…I haven’t slept yet. I was too busy looking through the internet – with Friday’s help of course, for footage of the supposed ‘jump’ that occurred in the early hours of the morning, as I was curious that it hadn’t even been on the news as an accidental death or some bullshit that the media cooked up. You said that you had cleared it all up, however after extensive searching I found absolutely no evidence at all – which was very strange. No videos, no police reports and definitely no body. After this, I then hacked into the traffic surveillance cameras and due to the Kid’s webbing taking 3 hours to dissolve, it was still there when I got there at 2am. I managed to trace his webbing to a very tall building – on the roof…and Natasha, there were only two sets of footsteps there, Friday said that they matched yours and the kid’s DNA patterns…right up to the edge of the roof. There was only one possible conclusion.’ Natasha felt like she was going to be sick but swallowed back a mouthful of bile and looked at him, with tears in her eyes.

‘Tony I…’ He waved her off and continued talking.

‘I’m not going to demand an explanation; I just want to thank you. Thank you for saving my kid’s life. This is why I would like you to co-parent with me, because for some reason, he listens to you about this type of stuff that I have absolutely no idea about, and he needs you. I know why you lied to protect him, but I have to ask you, please don’t keep anything like this from me again though. I don’t need to know the ins and outs about what you’ve both talked about or what’s going through the kid’s head – unless he wants to tell me himself, because I have no idea how to deal with emotional shit like that, but you do and you seem to be doing a good job at it; but I need to know if he ever feels the need to take his own life again, because that is really serious and I will get him some professional help. So, anyway, after all of that researching I went up to his room, to check on him, because I felt like the biggest jerk in the world and I saw you all snuggled up together, asleep. Friday told me that you’d sung him to sleep and told him that you wouldn’t leave him alone, because he was scared that he would get nightmares. I then left, came down here and decided at just after 3am, that you would be the perfect choice to be his adoptive mother. You are no monster Natasha Romanoff, you’re already his mother and I would be honoured if you would co-parent him with me.’

He handed her a pen and gave her a kind smile as tears poured down her cheeks.

‘Are you sure, Tony?’

He smiled. ‘Absolutely. The kid needs his Spidermom, doesn’t he?’ Natasha smiled and signed the adoption papers, then whispered to herself, her heart full of emotion.

‘I’m a mother.’


	18. Opening up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After Peter's suicide attempt, the Avengers start to plan a party for that evening - where Peter will be told that Tony and Natasha are going to adopt him. However, before that, Natasha has decided to get Peter to open up to Clint, whether he wants to or not, because she doesn't want to lose him and wants to make sure that at least one other person knows about him properly, if she is on a mission and he needs someone to talk to.

‘So are you guys like together now?’

‘No you moron – didn’t you just hear what Tony just said?’

‘Not really, I zoned out when he said: guys we need to talk.’

‘They’re co-parenting Sam, in-case of an untimely death or something.’

‘Pretty much, yes Bruce, but also, this way, the Kid has essentially two parents – not in a relationship, so if one of us is busy, the likelihood is that the other one of us, will be available.’

‘Well, anyway, congratulations! I think it’s a lovely idea.’

‘Thank you Steve.’

‘Romanoff, you’re going to make an amazing mum to Peter and Tony, you’re already basically his dad.’

‘Cheers Capsicle.’

‘Welcome to the frightening world of Parenthood Tasha! Also, Steve, you owe me $10.’

‘No, you owe me $10, because she freaked out?!’

‘Yeah but it ended up with the adoption – so pay up.’

‘Damn it.’

‘Who’s paying me?!’

‘No-one Bucky, shut up.’

‘So are we all like Aunties and Uncles now then?’

‘Basically yeah.’

‘Ahh, I’m so happy right now.’

‘Stop crying Clint.’

‘Sorry, I just have so many emotions.’

‘Have you spoken to Peter about this yet?’

‘Nope. We’re all going to sort out an adoption party thing for this evening – where we will break the news to him and also to the press.’

‘That’s lovely!’

‘Thanks Wanda. I’d love for you to help me with the decorations, if you wouldn’t mind?’

‘Nat I would be honoured!’

‘Also, you all need to buy him a present.’

‘What why?’

‘On it.’

‘Why though?’

‘I have no money.’

‘I’ll give you some.’

‘Because you wanted to be Aunt’s and Uncles, so that’s part of the gig.’

‘Crap. Guess we’re off shopping then.’

‘If any of you spoil the surprise for the Kid, then I will personally hurt you.’

‘Noted, Romanoff.’

All of the Avengers (apart from Thor – who was off world), were sat around sofas and armchairs in the communal living room, where Tony and Natasha had just broken the news that they were going to adopt Peter together. It was 9am and the duo had spent the better part of the past 4 hours – going over the process of how they were going to tell the group and then Peter. Tony had insisted on a party and after a lot of persuasion, Natasha had agreed – despite still having private concerns that Peter maybe would feel overwhelmed. Natasha gestured to Tony subtly, to join her in the kitchen, as the rest of the team were talking about plans for the party that evening.

‘Tony?’

‘Hmm?’ He walked over and put the coffee machine on.

‘Like I said earlier, I’m going to try and get the Kid to open with Clint in a bit, can you put the building on lockdown?’

Tony raised an eyebrow. ‘Why?’

‘Because he might try to run, if he feels overwhelmed. I said I wouldn’t do anything until he gave me the all clear, but I realised that he might never be ready to tell anyone. He will be upset no matter who’s present, because there’s some serious shit going on. The suicide attempt last night…it just made me realise that he needs some extra support, if he wants it or not and luckily, Clint knows of some of his issues anyway. Peter needs to open up because if I’m not here, then I want at least one of the team to be able to help him and know about what might be troubling him. I’m hoping that if he opens up to Clint, then he will feel comfortable enough to open up to you soon.’

‘I just want him to open up to me, when he’s ready – unless there’s like a major serious incident like last night of course, but that’s not a bad idea Romanoff.’

‘It was Barton’s actually.’

‘Wow, who knew that Legolas had good ideas.’ 

‘Exactly what I said!’ Natasha smirked.

‘Just make sure no-one bothers us and Friday puts the Compound on lockdown.’

‘Understood.’ Tony nodded and made his way back into the living room, coffee in hand, to arrange party plans.

Natasha watched Tony as he left and sighed at the thought of getting Peter to open up later about everything to Clint. It wasn’t going to be easy and she was worried that Peter would resent her for forcing him to tell Clint – but she knew that after the night’s events, he needed some support and so did she.

***

‘We just want a chat with you Kid. Come on, sit down here next to me.’ Natasha patted the sofa seat next to her and Peter looked at her hesitantly, before sitting down. He eyed Clint, who was lounging around on an armchair that had been moved opposite the sofa, where he and Natasha were now sitting; Clint gave him a kind smile.

‘Am I in trouble?’ Peter asked wearily, biting his lip.

‘No маленький паук.’ Natasha replied immediately, taking his lip out from between his teeth, with her thumb gently. ‘We just want to talk. Let’s start with… how do you like living here, in the Compound with us all?’ Peter shrugged and started to fiddle with the hem of his pajama sleeve.

‘I like it, I guess.’

‘What do you like the most about living here?’ Natasha pressed. She had already spoken to Clint about how they were going to tackle the ‘conversation’; she would take the lead at the start and try to get Peter to open up gradually, to hopefully stop him from feeling too overwhelmed. They had both agreed that the living room would be the most relaxed place to have this conversation and that the rest of the team were prohibited from the communal floor until they had finished. Natasha had also said that if Peter got too worked up, then they would try again a different day, because she didn’t want to risk him being a danger to himself.

‘Um…I like when you’re all being silly and make me laugh.’

‘Anything else?’ Clint prompted.

‘Yeah, I like how we have movie nights and you let me go on patrol every evening and we all go out places together! The zoo was especially cool.’

‘It was.’ Natasha agreed. ‘What was your favourite part?’ Her mind was racing as she tried to figure out how she could phrase her questions, so Peter wouldn’t realise what was happening and panic. She could see that he was starting to relax by the way he answered the questions, as he was slightly more confident than the last response.

‘I absolutely loved seeing the Lions and when Mr Barto…’

‘Kid I’ve told you to call me Clint!’

‘…sorry, when Clint and me sang the Lion King song with his Lion teddy!’

‘Yes, I think I speak for the entire team, when I say that that was the highlight of the day.’ Natasha deadpanned, raising an eyebrow at Clint who smirked and shrugged.

‘How’s patrol going?’ Clint suddenly interrupted, ignoring Natasha’s glare.

Peter frowned for a minute and then smiled. ‘Apart from last night, yeah really good.’

‘Speaking of last night, how are you feeling this morning?’

‘Um…’ Peter looked to Natasha, who gave him an encouraging nod.

‘Ok I guess. Just a bit tired.’ He started to fiddle with the hem of his pajama sleeve again and felt his eyes gloss over with tears, but he blinked them away rapidly.

‘Just tired? Anything else?’ Clint pressed gently.

‘…no, I’m fine, can I go now please?’ Peter stared determinedly at his lap and refused to make eye contact with either of them.

‘маленький паук, it’s okay to talk about how you’re feeling, we just want to help you.’ Peter shook his head and blinked away more tears.

‘You know, suicide or even a suicide attempt is pretty serious. If I’d have watched someone do that, I’d be feeling a lot more than tired squirt.’ Clint said softly, leaning forward, looking at Peter intently. Natasha could literally feel the anxiety radiating off of Peter and started to think that this was a bad idea after all, but she knew that he needed more support and Clint was the best option for that – as he already knew about a lot of his mental health issues, so she stayed silent and looked at Peter expectantly.

‘I…I…I’m fine…r…really.’ He started to freak out internally, wondering what was really going on, and he started to scratch at his arms under his pajama sleeves. Natasha immediately noticed and gently took his hands in her own.

‘Hey little Spider, deep breaths. That’s it. Just breathe.’

‘C…can I go now…?’ Natasha gave him a sympathetic look and shook her head.

‘Not until we talk about how what happened last night, Peter.’ Clint said and gave him a sad smile.

‘I…I told y…you…I…I’m f…fine!’ He said, voice breaking, then he turned to Natasha and whispered in her ear ‘r…rainbow.’ She sighed and stroked his hair.

Clint reached over and patted Peter’s knee softly. ‘Kiddo, you’re not fine, what’s going on?’

‘Everyth…everything…i…is going w…wrong!’ Peter wailed as Natasha continued to stroke his hair soothingly.

‘Are you hurting yourself again?’ Clint pressed, speaking in his soft Dad voice, as Peter started to cry openly and nodded.

‘Shhh, it’s ok детка. Clint won’t say anything to anyone, you know that you can talk to both of us.’ Natasha soothed as tears streamed down Peter’s face.

‘My lips are sealed squirt. I just want to make sure that you’ve got me to talk to, if Nat is away on a mission or something.’ Clint clarified, as Natasha nodded in agreement. Peter’s breath hitched as he tried to regain control of his emotions. ‘I…I just f…feel like I…like…I’m b…back into a…all m…my old h…habits and…I d…don’t k…know wh…what…t…to…do…I…I’m sc…scared…’

‘It’s ok to be scared. Even Superheroes get scared sometimes.’ Clint knew full well that Peter had tried to take his own life earlier that morning, but he wanted to see if he trusted him enough to open up by himself.

‘T…tha…that’s w…what…A…Auntie Na…Nat…said.’

Clint smirked, ‘well Auntie Nat is right.’ Natasha cuffed him round the head playfully and he grinned at her, then turned to Peter and gave him a kind smile.

‘Is there anything that you want to tell me about what happened last night Pete?’ Clint asked softly. Natasha gave Peter an encouraging smile, but he shook his head and stared back down at his lap.

‘E…everything i…is g…going wr…wrong…but I’m f…fine…I’ll be f…fine…’

‘маленький паук, talk to us, please, we just want to help you.’ Natasha begged, her heart clenching as Peter started to sob.

‘N…no! I…I don’t w…want t…to!’ He sobbed and put his head in his hands, not seeing the nod between the assassins, as Clint sat further forward and spoke firmly, but softly.

‘See, the thing about me and Nat, is that we know what each other is thinking most of the time, but we can also see through when the other lies…’ Natasha braced herself for what she knew had to be said and continued to stroke Peter’s hair, as Clint continued speaking. ‘I know that Nat lied about what happened last night Peter. You’re not fine bud. Why did you try to kill yourself?’

Peter was thrown off by the question and his heart started to beat faster as he realised what was going on. His head flicked up quickly and he looked at Natasha.

‘Y…you s…said you w…wouldn’t t…tell...you...p...promised!’

Peter’s eyes glistened with tears as he shot Natasha a look of betrayal.

‘I’m sorry, but I had to маленький паук, you almost died earlier and if I’m not here, I have to make sure that you’re taken care of…I couldn’t bear to lose you.’ A tear slid down Natasha’s cheek and Clint swallowed past the lump in his throat.

‘We aren’t mad Pete, but we need to talk about this, to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. How about you tell us what made you want to jump?’ Clint asked softly. Tears cascaded down Peter’s face and Natasha immediately went to pull him into a hug, but he pushed her off and looked at her, with betrayal and hurt in his eyes.

‘…I hate you! Y…you…s….said…y…you…promised! Y…you’re me…mean a…and I ha…hate…y…you! I…I don’t…w…want…t…to t…talk! Lea…leave m…me…al…alone!’ Peter yelled and ran out of the room, tears streaming down his face.

‘Great. Just…fucking great.’ Natasha muttered, putting her head in her hands as Clint slid next to her and put a comforting arm around her.

‘He didn’t mean that Tasha, he’s just upset. We knew this might happen.’

‘Doesn’t make it any easier. Clint, he thinks that I’ve betrayed him, how could I even agree to this? I’m not even his mother yet and I’ve already screwed it up. He trusted me and I’ve let him down, I shouldn’t have pushed him to open up. He has every reason to hate me.’ Clint nudged her playfully and gave her a kind smile.

‘You did what you needed to do, to protect him. You can’t always be with him and I think on some level he probably knows that – which is why he said he was scared; probably scared of what he’s capable of. You did the right thing Tasha – because that’s what a mother would have done, to protect her child, to make sure that he’s safe. Mothers have to make the tough decisions sometimes to protect their kids.’ Natasha stood up and wiped a stray tear off her cheek.

‘I’m going to find my son.’ Clint nodded and passed Natasha her phone which was on the coffee table.

‘I’ll check the vents - incase he's hiding in there, message me when you find him Romanoff.’

Natasha nodded in agreement and ran out of the room, the only goal in her mind was to find Peter and quickly.


	19. Who am I?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Clint band together to find Peter, but will Natasha finally feel the pressure of impending motherhood and succumb to her old demons? Will Clint find her in time or is she already too far gone???

Natasha swore under her breath as she looked into yet another empty room - out of the hundreds that were in the Compound. Friday was undergoing maintenance and so couldn’t help her find Peter; the only protocols still in place were the usual safety ones and the lockdown protocol that Tony had activated earlier.

‘Where are you Kid?’ She muttered as she poked her head into the music room, to find it empty. Sighing, she pulled out her phone.

**_*Private Messages in group chat ‘The 2 best Assassins.’_ **

**Natsuperspy:** any news?

 **Spy#2:** no sorry – I’m still looking though – there’s a lot of vents and I can only go so fast

 **Natsuperspy:** I’ve looked in all his usual hiding places, the music room, his bedroom, the kitchen, hell even Tony’s lab! Everyone’s gone out shopping so it’s just me and you and the Kid. I’m worried – I honestly don’t know where he is. The Compounds on lockdown, so he couldn’t have gone far!

 **Spy#2:** Tasha look at your name

 **Natsuperspy:** I know what my name is you absolute pleb

 **Spy#2:** on here doofus

 **Spy#2:** if anyone can find a 14 year old Spiderling, then you can😊

 **Natsuperspy:** true, good pep talk

 **Spy#2:** taken a leaf out of Cap’s book lol

 **Natsuperspy:** message me if you find the Kid and don’t get lost in the vents xo

 **Spy#2:** that was one time!!!

 **Natsuperspy:** :/

 **Spy#2:** ok 5 times, whatever Romanoff

Natasha chuckled and put her phone back in her pocket. She leant against the wall and racked her brain for where Peter could be.

Growing up, she would never have imagined her life as it now was. She had been brought up to believe that love was for children and that she had no place in the world; how could anyone love someone who was so full of pain and anger? If she had no place in the world, then nobody could love her. Those who trained her and were the basis for her regular nightmares, had drilled into her, that she was a product of the Red Room and nothing more; but it had taken being a part of Avengers and having Clint save her, for her to realise that life was much more than just existing and she was actually worth something. Natasha smiled when she remembered how she had felt signing the adoption papers earlier, but then frowned as she recalled the look of hurt and betrayal on Peter’s face when he said he had hated her. She knew it was all said in anger and because he was scared, but it still hurt and she never wanted to be the cause of pain for that Kid. Natasha felt her chest grow heavy as she imagined him alone and crying somewhere. Peter had carved a special place in her heart and she was determined to save him from everyone and everything, including himself, no matter the cost.

As she walked, she felt her heart grow heaver as she realised that Peter might not even want her to adopt him anymore – did he ever want that? Maybe she rushed into all this? She and Tony hadn’t even asked if, maybe he’d rather go into the system than be raised by her and Stark…She began to realise that she isn’t cut out for any of this, no training, no exercises and definitely no fighting. No wonder the Kid never wanted to see her again, she’d betrayed him and for what?

_No trust…worthless…what would Madame…no don’t think of her or that place…worthless nobody…cutcutcut… the same as she ever was…no she wasn’t worthless…Madame was lying…she had no place in the Avengers, or with Peter, or in the…world…no…not…true…help…can’t breathe…lies…anger…red…so much red…_

Natasha began to feel herself breath quicker and sharper, her vision blurring slightly as she slid down the wall, near the library door, breathing becoming erratic.

_cantbreathecantbreathecantbreathe_

Natasha immediately snapped out of her thoughts and looming anxiety attack in a second, when her assassin abilities and fight response took over, as she felt something rub against her leg. She immediately looked down and sighed, managing to regain control of her breathing. Standing up, she clutched the wall for balance and when she could see clearly and without fear of falling over or passing out, she bent down and smiled softly.

‘Hey Mr Whiskers – have you seen our baby spider anywhere?’ She asked, stroking the top of the tabby cat’s head, as he purred, rubbing past her legs.

‘Not talking huh? Fine, guess I’ll do all the work then.’ Natasha gave the cat a final stroke and walked off, down the 2nd floor corridor, towards the library, her breaths started to become uneven again as she finally felt herself losing control.

‘Come on Romanoff, don’t break down, you aren’t that person anymore, you have a place in the world, you do…even if the Kid never wants to see you again, you owe it to him to expl…’

‘…talking to yourself is the first sign of madness Tasha.’

Natasha whipped around and cocked her loaded hand-gun (which had been stored safely in her belt), and aimed it directly into the grinning face of Clint Barton, who was hanging out of the Vent in the ceiling, looking mildly amused.

‘You’d know all about being mad wouldn’t you Barton?’ Natasha said through shaking breaths as put her gun back in her pocket and raised her eyebrow. Her lips quirked up into a small smile as Clint feigned a horrified face and smiled at her.

‘Ouch. That cut deep Tasha.’

‘Not as much as my knife will.’

‘Touché. ‘S’up Red?’

‘Nothing that concerns you.’

‘Say that without tearing up and shaking, then I might believe you.’ Clint said smoothly, raising his eyebrows for a response. Natasha sighed heavily and blinked away some tears, then started speaking.

‘I’m just worried about the Kid.’

‘You’re a rubbish liar.’

‘Shut up.’

‘What’s on your mind Natasha?’ Clint pressed gently.

‘I was brought up that love was a stupid fantasy, an idea for children, all I know is how to kill and hurt people and now…’

‘…now you basically have a kid. Yeah, that’s a lot for anyone to deal with, let alone a child assassin, who was told daily that she could never…?’

‘…could never have a place in the world.’ Natasha finished, her voice breaking on the last word. Clint nodded and gave her a sad smile.

‘Do you still believe that?’

‘I used to.’

‘Do you still believe it now?’ Clint pressed.

‘…No.’ Natasha answered hesitantly, blinking back more tears.

‘Are you sure, because I literally just found you trying to convince yourself that you aren’t a bad person, whilst trying to avoid having a panic attack – the Vents have an echo remember…Nat, you know that you’ve changed and that you’re an amazing person, so what’s brought this on?’

‘Rainbow.’ Natasha whispered, wiping her sleeve across her face, as she felt fresh tears flood down her cheeks. Clint sighed sadly and jumped down from the Vent, landing next to Natasha and helping her to sit down, so they were both sat with their backs to the wall by the library.

‘Talk to me Romanoff.’ Clint said softly, but firmly, rubbing Natasha’s back as she leant into his touch and put her head on his shoulder.

‘How can I be the kid’s mother, with everything that I’ve done Clint? I’m not good enough, you were wrong and this just fucking proves it. All I can hear is Madame’s voice in my head…haunting me…all my mistakes…my ledger, it’s dripping in red Clint…I… I’ve made Peter cry, he hates me, probably will laugh at the idea of me adopting him and now I can’t even find him!’ She started openly crying and Clint started quietly speaking in Russian to her, in an attempt to get her to calm down. At some point, Natasha had started to pinch her stomach and faint little red lines had started to appear on her once white top. Clint immediately noticed and held her hands in his, as she buried her face in his shoulder.

He spoke quietly, as if to an injured animal. ‘Tasha. You are honestly, one of the kindest people I’ve ever met. Under all that badass superhero shit, you have a heart of gold and all this uncertainty about if you can be a good mother, is just because you’re scared and we know that you hardly ever get scared, so of course you’re feeling anxious. Also, I’m never wrong.’ Clint smirked as Natasha punched him lightly on his arm. He held her tighter and kissed the top of her head, as her cries turned into uneven breaths which were warm on his neck.

‘Peter’s just upset, I bet he’ll be beating himself up right now about what he said to you. It was said in anger and me and you both know that this had to happen for his own safety – whether he wanted it or not. You did the right thing and you know it. You also know, that your past is a pile of shit, as is Madame le bitch, who is dead…to which I say good fucking riddance.’ Natasha gave a wet laugh and nodded in response. She sniffed, wiping stray tears with her sleeve, as Clint slung his arm around her.

‘What do I always tell you Romanoff?’

‘That you’re the gr…greatest human who ever graced the p..planet.’

‘That’s true, but no, the other thing Nat.’ She frowned slightly, which turned into laughter as Clint pretended to act annoyed. He then gave her a kind smile.

‘Just be you. That’s more than enough. It will always be more than enough.’ Her eyes lit up with understanding and she melted into his embrace, feeling safe. Safe from her past, safe, happy and loved.

‘Also, my word is law.’ He winked at her and she smiled, then started cringing at a sudden vaguely familiar throbbing pain in her side that she hadn’t noticed before until that moment. She lifted her top slightly and inhaled sharply.

‘Shit… that…that hasn’t happened in a while…fuck… I’m sorry Clint…’

‘Don’t be.’ He said firmly and pulled her in for another hug.

‘See. I’m such a mess…I’m no good for Peter…’ She said sadly, dabbing her side with her top.

‘Nat. Everyone is allowed to have a bad day… even the best superspy. You and Peter can both help each other and Natasha, you are the perfect motherly match for that Kid.’ He winked at her and she smiled slightly back.

‘You good?’ Clint stood up and gave her his hand, helping her to stand.

‘Yeah. God I’ve gone soft. Sorry for all that emotional shit Barton.’

‘Nah, it’s fine, I was getting all lonely up in the Vents anyway.’ He took off his denim jacket and helped Natasha to put it on, covering the bloody stains on her top. She gave him a big hug, which he gladly returned and thanked him.

‘Right, good chat. Back into the Vents I go to find your wayward son then, keep me posted. Have fun in the library, which is where I’m assuming you were headed before all this.’ He gestured to the library door at the end of the corridor and winked at Natasha who grinned back, watching as he hoisted himself up back into the Vent.

Natasha smiled fondly as she heard the thumping growing fainter as he moved further away into the depths of the Compound Vents, and she began to walk along the corridor to the library.

On approach of the library door, Natasha couldn’t help but shake her head in amusement. Tony had purposefully styled the entire Compound in a more up to date 2019 vibe – sleek and elegant, built with the latest tech and very stylish; however, he had installed a giant oak door, for the door to the library – ‘just for the aesthetic,’ he had said and Peter had not stopped laughing for at least 45 minutes after that. She ignored the lump in her throat and pushed the door open.

She spent a while looking around the room, going through different shelves and cupboards, which held the most unusual books – _why would Tony have bought an entire 17 book collection of how to make the perfect cake?! Tips on professional Ballet dancing? Might check that out later…not the time, I need to find Peter…focus!_

Natasha sighed and debated going to find Clint, so they could regroup and come up with a new plan to find Peter, when she walked past a large window in the library and saw a very familiar pair of legs, swinging idly from a large treehouse – which she realised, from the angle of where the library and the tree were positioned, could only been seen from that particular window. _Smart Kid._

‘Gotcha.’ She muttered, running off towards the front door of the Compound.


	20. You are not alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clint and Natasha finally manage to find Peter and have a heart to heart with him<3

**_*Private Messages in group chat ‘The 2 best Assassins.’_ **

**Natsuperspy:** found the kid – he’s in a tree house that can only be seen from the library window, I forgot about it bc he hardly ever uses it :/

 **Spy#2:** wtf we have a tree house???! Why didn’t you tell me! Omg I want to see – give me like 10 mins bc im kinda stuck

 **Natsuperspy:** how can you be ‘kinda stuck?’ Tony built it ages ago, I forgot it was there

 **Spy#2:** well the top half of me is fine, but the rest of me is stuck

 **Natsuperspy:** that’s what you get for sneaking Bucky’s cookies all the time

 **Spy#2:** wow rude but true

 **Natsuperspy:** hurry up and get over here

 **Spy#2:** doing my best – my left butt check is numb tho so it’s kinda hard to manuver myself atm

 **Natsuperspy:** tmi Barton

 **Spy#2:** just like Budapest again eh?

 **Natsuperspy:** you and I remember Budapest very differently, hurry up tho

 **Spy#2:** noted

Natasha pocketed her phone and looked up at the Tree House. She had come round from the back, which meant a rather long detour around the back of the Compound, as she didn’t want to scare Peter off, by walking straight up to it. She saw Peter’s legs and trainers disappear into the tree house…great, there goes the element of surprise. She pulled Clint’s denim jacket around herself and started to climb up the ladder, thinking of how best to talk to Peter.

Peering inside and hoisting herself up, she was mildly surprised at the actual size of the tree house – it was large enough for her to comfortably stand up in. She looked around a very large single room – styled with a bright blue interior, a comfy looking sofa, a large TV _(how the hell did it work without electricity?!)_ a pile of blankets and books – some comics and her eyes then finally fell on Peter, who was curled up in a ball, in the furthest corner sniffling softly, head hidden in his hands. She smiled fondly when she saw that he was still in his pajamas, then she looked him up and down, subtly checking that he hadn’t injured himself, by glancing at the unstained sleeves of his pajama top.

‘Hey маленький паук.’

After not hearing a response – apart from louder sobs, Natasha tentatively knelt down in touching distance from Peter and sighed.

‘Peter, I’m so sorry for what happened earlier. I had to say something to someone, you tried to take your life – what would happen if I wasn’t here and you had nobody to talk to? I couldn’t live with myself if anything happened to you…’ She broke off and took a deep breath, then continued speaking. ‘…I know you’re in a dark place now and I will do my damnedest to get you out of it… if you still want me to. Clint wants to help you too, because he’s really good at dealing with this and it’ll make me feel better that he’s there for you, if I’m ever not available…I know I’m not your mother or anything, but I just want you to know that I love you like a son and everything I do, is to protect you and help you маленький паук. If you want to hate me and to leave then I understand and I’ll keep my distance from now on, but I want you to know th…’ Natasha broke off surprised as Peter suddenly burst into tears and practically jumped into her arms, sobbing uncontrollably. Her heart crumpled as she listened to his cries and started to rub his back soothingly.

‘…I want you to know that I love you маленький паук.’

‘I…I…d…didn’t…m…me…mean…it…Aun…Auntie…N…Nat…I…I…don’t…h…hate…you…I’m…s…so…sorry…I love…you…an…and…now…y…you…h…hate…me!’ He sobbed and Natasha immediately held him closer.

‘Never Peter. I would never hate you.’ She said firmly while the boy cried into her shoulder, like his heart was breaking.

‘We’re going to get through this together. I love you so much маленький паук. Everything will be ok. I promise.’ She said in a kind voice, as Peter fisted his hands in the denim jacket, as if scared that she really would leave him.

‘Shhh детка. It’s ok, shhh. I’m here and everything is going to be alright.’ She soothed, then started to hum an old Russian lullaby under her breath, whilst rocking him back and forth slightly.

After a few minutes, Peter’s cries began to quieten and he rubbed his eyes, his breath hitching as he tried to calm down. Natasha readjusted him, so she could see his face, which was staring determinedly at his lap. She smiled at him sympathetically and wiped a few stray tears off of his face. He looked at her and his bottom lip began to tremble.

‘I’m…I’m so sorry.’

Natasha shook her head. ‘All’s forgiven Kid. It was said in the heat of the moment and I understand how overwhelming it must have been for you; until the end, I thought that you did remarkably well in telling us both how you were feeling.’ She gave him a gentle smile and he bit his lip and buried his flushed and wet face against her neck; she let her hand comb through his curls, as she heard the distant sound of a car pulling up to the Compound.

‘D…did you m…mean it?’

‘Hmm?’ Natasha frowned and looked at Peter in confusion.

Peter sat up and looked at her, sniffling slightly.

‘Did you m…mean th…that you love m…me like a s…son?’ Natasha nodded and cupped his cheek, planting a large kiss on his tearstained face.

‘Yes I did and I should have told you a long time ago. I’m not that great with showing emotions and stuff, but I meant every word.’ Peter gave her a watery smile and hugged her.

‘Love you too mom.’ He whispered and Natasha felt a tear slip down her cheek as she kissed the top of his head. There was a small creak and Natasha turned to look at the entrance to the tree house, where Clint was leant against the door frame, smiling smugly at her. She grinned at him and gestured for him to sit down on the sofa. Peter looked up at Clint, who walked past and ruffled his hair.

‘S’up squirt? You ok?’

Peter nodded and sat up, rubbing his eyes.

‘Sorry for before Mr Bar…Clint.’ He bit his lip.

‘Don’t be silly. It was always going to be a difficult conversation, but I’m proud of how you handled it up until the end. Are you up for talking?’ Frowning, Peter looked over at Natasha who gave him an encouraging smile.

‘It’s up to you Kid. We need to have this chat at some point, but we will both understand if you’ve had enough for today.’ Natasha said in understanding, as Peter bit his lip.

‘Will it m…make me feel better?’ He asked softly. Clint and Natasha both smiled kindly at him and nodded in confirmation. Clint shuffled over, making some room on the sofa, as Natasha helped Peter up and they both sat down.

‘Well, this is as good a place as any.’ Clint mused, looking around at the interior of the tree house. Both assassins made eye contact over the top of Peter’s head and silently agreed with a soft but direct approach.

‘Ok, so squirt, we’re going to try and make this as quick as possible for you. Peter, this conversation is going to be hard, but we need you to be honest with us ok?’ Clint warned softly, as Peter took a shaky breath and nodded.

‘Can you talk to us a bit about what led up to the events of last night?’ Clint asked gently, slinging an arm around Peter’s shoulders. He shook his head and Natasha pursed her lips in thought.

‘How about we phrase it a bit differently. What were you feeling before I found you? Angry, maybe hesitant, or were you happy at the thought of ending it all?’ Natasha prompted.

‘Sad…fearful…umm…useless, is that even an emotion?’ He broke off and looked at Natasha who smiled encouragingly. ‘I guess I felt…umm…tired and angry, maybe even a bit relieved.’

‘Anything else? Can you maybe elaborate on any of those emotions, as to why you felt like that?’ Clint asked, not missing the slight tremble that had started in Peter’s shoulders.

‘Um… I just feel th…that recently I’ve gone back to square one.’ Peter managed, picking at the hem of his now frayed pajama sleeve. Natasha put her own hands over his and kissed the top of his head.

‘Why would you think that детка?’

‘B…because I have! It’s tr…true!’

‘Is that why you wanted to take your own life?’ Clint asked gently, eyes widening as Peter started to visibly shake. Natasha moved closer to Peter and held his hand, as tears started to flood down his cheeks.

‘I’m cutting myself d…daily again a…and I’m no…not eating and I…throw up all t…the t…time. I…I can’t s…sleep a…and Flash is b…being a jerk…I’ve h…had enough…I want it…t…to end!’ Peter wailed, putting his head in his hands.

‘Hey, hey, little Spider, shhh, you’re being so brave by opening up to us. This is so hard, believe me I know, but you’re going to feel so much better when it’s all off your chest. Shhh.’ Natasha soothed, as Peter started to cry in earnest again. Clint rubbed his back comfortingly and continued speaking, when Peter’s sobs had died down somewhat.

‘Ok, so first thing’s first. What did Flash do to you yesterday? I thought he’d stopped being nasty to you?’ Clint asked frowning, as Peter shook his head rapidly.

‘N…no…he…he…d…did for a…for a bit, but no…now…he’s ev…even w…worse! Yesterday he…he punched m…me and…and I did nothing b…because I wa…was scared I’d h…hurt him ag…again…I’m s…so weak!’ He wailed.

‘Shhh, it’s ok little Spider. You aren’t weak or anything like that, you did the right thing. We’ll sort it out.’ Natasha promised as tears streamed down Peter’s face.

‘Yeah, that dumbass kid won’t know what’s hit him.’ Clint agreed, grinning as Peter gave him a wet smile. Clint then made eye contact with Natasha, who nodded encouragingly.

‘Good, ok. So, moving on a bit. What would you say is the biggest problem in your head right now?’ Clint asked Peter, who frowned and sniffed.

‘I don’t under…understand?’

‘If you could pick a bad thought out of your brain that you don’t want there, right now, what would it be?’ Natasha asked gently, smiling as Peter scrunched up his red nose in thought.

‘Hurting myself.’ He said, eyes filling with tears again, but he blinked them away and took a few deep breaths. He leant against Natasha and let her comb her fingers through his hair, as Clint smiled sadly at him.

‘You mentioned that you’re doing it daily?’ Peter nodded miserably.

‘How many times?’

‘At least once a day, sometimes up to 5 or 6 times.’

‘What do you use?’

‘I stole a knife from school, because last time you both took all the sharp things out of my room.’ Natasha sighed and pressed her lips to the top of his head.

‘Why do you want to hurt yourself? I only ask, because people self-harm for different reasons.’ Clint said patiently, as Peter nervously fidgeted and bit his lip.

‘Because I…I hate myself and it’s a reminder of that.’ Natasha continued to plant tiny kisses to the top of his head, as he buried his face into the crook of her neck, his breaths becoming uneven and erratic.

‘Shhh…shhh…you’re ok.’ She soothed, as Clint gave her a sad smile, which she reciprocated. 

‘What are you eating daily little Spider?’ She murmured, rubbing Peter’s back.

‘Not much.’

‘I gathered that, considering I could pick you up way too easily last night.’ Natasha laughed, but it didn’t reach her eyes, ‘how much are you eating…actually, how much are you keeping down?’ She clarified, running her fingers through Peter’s hair, as he pulled away from her a bit and sat up.

‘Not enough. Maybe like coffee for breakfast, an apple for lunch and half a sandwich, then I’ll eat dinner with you all and throw it up. I’ll have a snack or two on patrol but that’s it.’

‘Ok. How about me and Natasha take away the responsibility of getting your own food, to avoid you getting too overwhelmed about your eating options?’ Peter looked up at Clint confused, but there was a glimmer of hope in his eyes.

‘So, for example from now on, one of us, will be in charge of every meal for you, to monitor what you’re eating, as due to your Spidey metabolism, you’re going to end up in the Medbay very soon if you carry on like you are currently. We can’t monitor what you eat at school, but you can have a snack as soon as you get home. It just means that it’s a little bit of less pressure that you have to deal with and it makes us feel happier that you aren’t going out on patrol with an empty stomach.’ Clint explained. Peter nodded in agreement.

‘Y…yeah, that actually sounds good. It m…means I can’t skip meals and stuff.’

Natasha and Clint nodded. ‘Exactly. Also, I was thinking that maybe you should be restricted for 25 minutes after eating, from using any bathroom or leaving the Compound – to avoid you throwing it all back up?’ Natasha immediately agreed and Peter nodded, picking at the hem of his pajama sleeve again.

‘Squirt, we’re going to get through this together, ok? Whenever you have a nightmare, or want to throw up or cut or anything, we will be there for you. You are not alone, you can always come to either of us. You aren’t a burden or any other shit that’s probably going through your head at the minute either.’ Clint said softly, but firmly, sensing that Peter was about to protest.

‘Things won’t get better overnight маленький паук and they won’t at all unless you help yourself and we will be there every step of the way.’ Natasha said, giving Peter a kind smile, who nodded and fell silent for a few minutes.

After a short while, Peter opened his mouth to speak and shut it, having some sort of an internal battle, then he stood up and moved over to the large pile of blankets, gaining confused looks from the two assassins, who were watching him closely. He reached into the pile of blankets and pulled out a very small, but extremely sharp knife. Natasha and Clint didn’t take their eyes off of him and after a bit of hesitation, he handed the knife to Natasha, who looked at it in shock and subtly gave it to Clint, who put it in his pocket.

‘I…I…was g…going to u…use it e…earlier, so I…brought it h…here from…my…r…room. I d…didn’t…u…use it, but I just feel lost an…and I’m scared of what I’ll do…i…if I have it. I want…t…to…get better, b…but I…I…don’t kn…know h…how.’ Peter whispered, as tears slipped down his cheek once more.

Natasha stood up and pulled Peter into a huge hug and he melted into her embrace. ‘I am so fucking proud of you Kid. We're both going to get you out of this dark patch, I promise. It won't be easy but I know you can get better.’ Clint nodded in agreement and ruffled Peter’s hair.

‘You ok Pete?’ Clint asked after a few moments and Peter nodded, finally stopping crying. He smiled as Natasha lightly tickled his side and pulled him in for another hug. He felt lighter than he had in weeks, like some invisible weight had been moved off of his chest a bit.

‘Yeah, but promise you won’t tell anyone?’

‘Promise.’ Natasha and Clint said in unison.

‘My lips are sealed squirt.’

‘We won’t say anything to anyone, until you’re ready to tell them.’ Natasha promised. Peter sighed in relief and smiled at the two of them once more.

‘Thanks, you know, for everything.’ Peter said apologetically. Clint smiled at him and Natasha nodded, then they pulled him in for a group hug.

‘Let’s go back inside. The others have been back a while – I heard their car.’ Natasha said, breaking out of the hug and glancing outside at the Compound.

‘Where have they been?’ Peter asked curiously, frowning as the two assassins shared a knowing look.

‘Never you mind nosy. You’ll find out soon enough anyway. We need to get ready for tonight, because one of us is still in his dinosaur pajamas.’ Natasha said smiling at Peter who looked down at himself and blushed, to the amusement of the two assassins, who smiled at him fondly.

‘What’s happening tonight?’

‘Tony’s throwing a party for us all and there’s going to be a huge surprise apparently.’ Clint said grinning, then he yelped as Natasha punched him on the arm and gestured to the ladder, for them to go down.

‘By the way, how did Tony get a sofa up here?’ Clint asked, gesturing to the sofa they’d just been sitting on. Peter giggled slightly.

‘Well, he made this tree house for me ages ago, like…before May, but I hardly ever come up here because I’m always with you guys, or at school or on patrol! I’m not sure, but I remember that he got stuck because the ladder fell down the first time he came up and so he hasn’t been up since.’

‘That is the best thing I’ve ever heard in my life.’ Laughed Clint, as Natasha shook her head in amusement. She gave Peter a kiss on the top of his head and then she led the way down the ladder and the trio started to make their way back into the Compound.


	21. The Party - part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony is throwing a big party, but no-one will tell Peter what it's for!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is - the big party - the Adoption!!! So much fluff and it's only part one!!  
> Next chapter will be up by the weekend:)  
> Please leave a kudos and a comment if you liked it and if you have any suggestions for future chapters  
> Stay Strong
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
> xx

The rest of the day went pretty smoothly for Peter. After his talk with Natasha and Clint earlier, he and Clint had decided to play a match of Mario Kart for a few hours to relax, whilst the rest of the Avengers decorated for the party; after a lot of whining and stern glances from Tony and Natasha, it was 5pm and Peter still had no idea why they were having a party. He had tried every idea he could think of – including earlier, when he had snuck into the kitchen, after specifically being told not to by Natasha and he had glimpsed a huge cake – literally over 6 tiers high, being decorated by Bucky, but unfortunately for Peter, he had been caught by Steve, who had managed to spot him hiding behind the kitchen Island. He had even snuck upstairs to the 3rd floor, after hearing Wanda and Vision using cellotape and what sounded like wrapping paper – unfortunately, he was caught by Natasha, who had made him stay in the communal living room, under Bruce’s watch, so he couldn’t ‘spoil the surprise.’ By this point, Peter was glaring at Tony, refusing to get dressed, because he wanted to know what the party was for.

‘You’ll find out in like an hour bud. Just go and get ready please.’ Tony begged for the fifth time in the past half an hour, as Peter asked yet again about why he was throwing a party – which was literally arguably one of the most extravagant set ups that he had ever seen.

The entire Compound – apart from the personal floor with their bedrooms, was highly decorated in a mixture of gold, red, black, white and blue. The living room was the first room to be decorated and there were balloons everywhere, glitter thrown everywhere and streamers on the walls – which Mr Whiskers was playing with, much to Peter’s amusement.

‘Urghhh, but I…’

Tony gave him a fake stern look and Peter huffed in annoyance, then dragged himself to his bedroom. 

Peter reached the 2nd floor, where all the bedrooms were and opened his door, then looked out of the window when he saw a huge red light. From his window, he had a perfect view of the garden, as his room was directly below the music room on the 3rd floor. There was a giant gazebo that he hadn’t seen before, which Steve and Sam were currently putting up. By the fountain, the plants that Tony usually let grow out before cutting, were neatly cut and styled, so the mixture of purple and pink flowers seemed to almost glisten in the evening glow of the setting sun. Peter looked around and his mouth fell open, when he glimpsed a large stereo – that he thought was the one from the movie room, which was set up by a half built stage – which 3 of the Ironman suits were helping to finish set up. All the trees that essentially surrounded the Compound, were covered in mini fairylights and sparkly streamers, that blew lazily in the summer wind. He squealed as Wanda came into view, levitating a large bouncy castle which was in the shape of a pirate ship, followed by Bucky and Clint who were eying it with mischievous grins.

‘God you’re rubbish at surprises.’

Peter whipped around and saw Natasha, who was leaning lazily by his doorframe, looking at him with an amused expression.

‘Umm…I…’

‘Don’t worry about it kid, I hate surprises too. Anyway, I’m here to make sure you get dressed, because Tony seems to think that you are incapable of focussing on something which isn’t ruining the surprise. Clearly…’ she gestured to Peter, who was back staring at the commotion outside – where Clint and Bucky were now being chased by Wanda, ‘…that is most definitely not true.’ She teased and quirked an eyebrow at Peter, who had turned back around and blushed slightly.

‘Sorry.’ He said sheepishly, as Natasha walked over and ruffled his hair, shaking her head fondly.

‘Don’t be. Come on, let’s get you ready. According to Tony, the dress code is ‘casual but don’t take the piss’, so pick an outfit kiddo.’ Peter grinned and ran over to his wardrobe, but he started frowning as he skimmed through all his clothes. He didn’t want to seem childish, he thought, as his fingers lingered over a Disney science top; he bit his lip as he looked through all his shirts and looked to Natasha for help.

Natasha instantly knew his dilemma. She smiled and quickly picked out a pair of black jeans and a long-sleeve baby blue shirt – which had a small R2D2 on the left-hand side pocket. It looked smart but also pretty casual.

‘How about these?’ Peter’s face lit up as he looked to see what Natasha had picked out. He nodded eagerly and ran into his bathroom to change. Natasha sat down on Peter’s bed and spotted a piece of paper sticking out from under his pillow. Curiosity taking over, she slid it out carefully and smoothed it down, her heart clenched when she saw the picture. It was definitely a child’s drawing, Peter’s drawing, of presumably all the Avengers and himself, holding hands, written underneath were the words ‘my family.’ Natasha smiled and put it back, feeling a mixture of nerves and excitement, as she thought about what his expression would be that evening, when they told him about their plan to adopt him.

‘I’m done!’

Peter opened the bathroom door and came out. Natasha had to stifle a laugh. Peter’s hair was a curly mess, his shirt was only partly done up, one jean leg was higher than the other and he was barefoot.

‘It’s a good start, but you can’t go to a party without socks and shoes kid.’ Natasha pointed out as Peter frowned, his bottom lip sticking out as he looked at her in confusion.

‘Why not? There’s a bouncy castle.’ He explained and Natasha smiled, then nodded at his childlike thought process. It was sometimes difficult to remember that despite him being a genius and Spiderman, that he was only 14.

‘True, but there’s only one bouncy castle, so what happens if there’s too many people on it or when you need a break?’ She asked, putting on a thoughtful expression, as Peter looked at her seriously and nodded.

‘That’s a good point actually.’

Natasha grinned at his serious expression, then handed him a pair of black socks and his starwars trainers – that she had found at the end of his bed. He put them on and looked at Natasha expectantly. She raised her eyebrows, why was he looking at her? She frowned slightly, then realised that Peter had never actually been to any of Tony’s parties before and he was probably well out of his depth. Actually…the only other time that she remembered him wearing a shirt, was at May’s funeral, which she had helped him get ready for. Oh…he didn’t know what to do next, he wanted help. Everything clicked into place and Natasha gave him a kind smile.

‘Right. Tuck your shirt in and come and stand over here, so we can sort out your mop of curls.’ Natasha said, grinning as Peter stuck his tongue out at her, but he followed her instructions and stood over by his mirror.

‘Give me 2 minutes.’ Natasha all but ran out of the room, much to Peter’s confusion and then came back in with a small tub of cream? No, not cream, it didn’t look like cream, what was it?

‘It’s hair gel.’ Natasha explained, as she stood behind Peter and started to style his hair for him.

‘Ew, it smells!’ He whined and tried to pull away, but Natasha put a firm hand on his shoulder and kept him in position.

‘Shush and stay still, otherwise you’ll look like you have a mohawk.’ She said pointedly and Peter’s eyes widened. She chuckled, then tweaked his nose and he giggled.

‘There, all done, Alden Ehrenreich.’

‘Wow! I look so cool! Thanks!’

‘No problem Pete. Great, now you’re all sorted, I need to go get ready, so can you go to the living room and sit with Clint for a bit, until the party starts in about half an hour?’ Peter’s face fell as he watched Natasha get up to leave and he stared down at his trainers, mumbling an ‘ok’ and missing the flash of concern that crossed Natasha’s face for a second.

‘Hey kiddo, something on your mind?’ She raised an eyebrow and looked at Peter expectantly, who blushed and shook his head.

‘Come here.’ Natasha sat down on Peter’s bed and patted the spot next to her, which he shuffled over to and sat down on miserably, staring at his hands.

‘What’s going on little Spider?’

‘I’m just…I’m just a bit scared actually, I don’t know what I’m meant to do – there’s a buffet thing too and …’ Peter trailed off and Natasha smiled fondly at him, putting the pieces together instantaneously. He was worried about what to do at the party and looking out of place, also he was nervous about eating in front of everyone.

‘Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. Everyone is there and our main goal is to have a good time. I know you’ve already seen the cake – which you don’t have to eat if you don’t want to, but there’s a buffet and I expect you to eat everything that I give you - so don’t worry about being left alone, because I’ll fix you a plate up and monitor what you’re eating. If you feel too overwhelmed at any point, just let me know and we’ll go somewhere to calm down, then go back when and if you feel ready. Sound good?’

Peter nodded in relief and gave her a big smile. ‘Thanks, Spidermom, I’m also really excited – did you see the size of the bouncy castle? Also Da…I mean Tony, put up a stage and speakers! Maybe he hired a famous singer!’

Natasha chuckled. ‘No worries, Little Spider. Tony has ordered a lot of stuff for this party – some of which you haven’t even seen yet! It will be…an amazing night. Now go downstairs and I’ll be down in 10.’ Peter nodded, grinning excitedly, then he ran out of his room – ignoring Natasha’s shouts of ‘no running inside!’

‘Maybe Barton was right, I’m basically a mother already.’ Natasha mused, as she walked out of Peter’s room and went to get ready.

***

It was officially 6pm and all the Avengers made their way outside and were talking to each other as they situated themselves around the large garden. Everyone was wearing smart but casual clothing and even Thor had come down from Asgard for the evening, to celebrate with everyone – he was wearing his usual robes though and Peter grinned when he pulled a face at him. Natasha and Clint were conversing in rapid Russian next to him and Peter thought that Natasha seemed almost, nervous? Her usual stoic expression seemed to be faltering as Clint said something to her and she frowned but nodded seriously. Seemingly realising that Peter was watching them, she turned to him and gave him a tentative smile, which he returned with a toothy grin.

On Peter’s other side, a little further away, Tony was talking quietly to Pepper and Rhodey, who were murmuring back, looking extremely happy, but also nervous. Peter couldn’t hear what everyone was saying, as basically everyone was in the middle of conversations and they were all talking at once. He smiled as Mr Whiskers rubbed against his legs and he started to stroke him gently, when all of a sudden there was a loud noise and ACDC blared out of the speakers on the stage – playing Shoot to Kill. Everyone looked over in shock, as Tony made his way up to the platform and pulled a microphone out of his pocket, Peter thought that he looked almost…nervous? _No, Tony Stark didn’t get nervous did he? Maybe he was just tired?_ The music cut off and Tony immediately flashed his usual smile and started talking.

‘Hello superguys and gals; can we all please take a seat, I’d like to make an announcement before we start the party.’

Everyone nodded and then made their way over to a collection of very lovely little white chairs, each tied with a big blue bow, lined up beside the lake and fountain; which were situated in front of the large stage and speakers. All the seats had names on them and Peter found his seat, in the middle of Natasha and Tony’s, right at the front.

‘Great, okay, so I apologise for the lack of decoration…this was all pretty last minute.’ Tony deadpanned, as there was a collective laugh from everyone. He smirked and took a piece of paper out of his pocket, then began reading.

‘Before we start the celebrations, I just want to say a few words. A few months ago, something really terrible happened to a wonderful woman and because of this, her only nephew ended up being placed with me as his temporary guardian. I would just like to take a minute to honour the memory of May Parker…’

Everyone bowed their heads in respect. During the minute of silence, Tony looked over at Peter, who was frowning.

_Why was Tony bringing May up? What was going on?_

He looked to Natasha in confusion and she reached over to hold his hand, squeezing it gently. Peter frowned again, but bowed his head in respect, then continued to listen to Tony, who had started to speak again, reading from the piece of paper.

‘…Thank you. So, after this horrible tragedy, Peter, came to live with us here. It is now officially 4 months. 4 months of laughs, 4 months of movie nights and random days out, 4 months of pranks…’ He looked over at Clint, Bucky and Peter in turn who all grinned at each other.

‘…and 4 months of difficult times. Recently, more now than ever before, I have felt happy. Happy in myself and happy with my life. For all of you who knew Howard Stark, you would know that his work was the most important thing in his life – even if it meant that he couldn’t spend time with his only son. Ever since I can remember, I have always been so worried that I would turn out exactly like Howard Stark, but as I look over at this amazing kid here…’ Tony gestured over to Peter who was still very confused at what was going on, but was smiling at what Tony had said about him.

‘…I realise that I can’t be doing a bad job, because this Kid, is still so amazing, so kind, so sweet and caring, despite all the shit that life has thrown at him, hell, even taking away his last remaining family member…’ Peter swallowed past the lump in his throat and reached for Natasha’s hand, which immediately held his own.

‘…now, I can’t take all the credit, as May was there before all of us were, but over the past few months, I feel that we’ve all chipped in to help Peter out and are now some sort of weirdass dysfunctional family, so I would like to personally thank each and every one of you. However, there is one person, who has stepped up, a lot these past few months, so I would like to invite up to join me here, the Black Widow herself, Ms Natasha Romanoff.’

Peter tried not to panic that he was now essentially sitting alone and he was still very confused at what was going on. Clint saw him start to panic, so he took Natasha’s chair and slung his arm around his shoulders and Peter immediately relaxed, and watched Natasha take the offered microphone from Tony.

‘Thank you, and I would also like to join Tony in thanking every single one of you for making these past few months a lot easier. I never thought that I would get any of this, this team, this family and because of you all, I’m the happiest that I have ever been.’ Natasha smiled at everyone, then at Tony and passed him back the microphone. Everyone fell silent and Peter was still incredibly confused, but he waited patiently, watching Tony and Natasha intently, as they held hands and Tony took a deep breath.

‘Ok, shit, god this is harder than I thought it would be. Right, ok. I’m not one for emotional shit, but here goes…’ Peter’s confused eyes were fixed on Tony’s and he could see him visibly trembling – even Natasha was biting her lip nervously.

‘…Peter. You’ve dealt with a lot of crap in your life and you’re only 14! You are the most incredible kid that I’ve ever met in my life and you bring so much fun and laughter to the team. I love how you fall asleep on movie nights and one of us has to carry you to bed; I love how you will only use banana shampoo because ‘it’s the bestest smelling one there is!’ I love how you always care about everyone and put yourself last and despite everything that’s happened, you still manage to keep smiling. When I got that phone-call from you 4 months ago, at 3am at the hospital, it broke my heart and I took you in, no questions asked, because I made a promise to myself then, that you would never be alone again. Over the past 4 months, you’ve made friends with everyone in the Compound, but you have developed a very special, incredible bond with Natasha and myself specifically and because of this, at 5am this morning, me and Natasha made a very big decision, one that we have absolutely no regrets over at all…’ Tony broke off and took a deep breath.

‘…we love you Peter, so fucking much and we still have no idea what we did in our crazy messed up lives to deserve you, but we want you to know that you’re our son, in all but blood and we want you to be our son for real. Peter, we signed a ton of paperwork this morning and we’ve adopted you. We love you bud.’ Peter’s mouth was open in absolute shock, as he processed what was happening and tears streamed down his face.

_He was being adopted, he was going to be Tony and Natasha’s son, for real…he had a family…_

Then everything happened all at once. As soon as Tony finished speaking, the Avengers and Pepper, stood up and were shouting congratulations and were clapping enthusiastically. Clint and Rhodey were whistling and cheering and Thor was yelling ‘I knew it!’ Wanda was crying happily on Visions shoulder, who wiped a single tear from his face too. Everyone else was clapping extremely loudly and someone had found party poppers, which were being set off in every direction, streamers filling the air. Peter had gotten over his shock and was running full speed up to the stage and he immediately engulfed Tony and Natasha in a massive hug, sobbing loudly.

‘I…I…love y…you!’

Natasha was openly crying and kissed the top of his head. ‘I love you s…so much маленький паук. I never thought that I would get any of this, especially not a child, but you light up my life kiddo and I am so fucking happy that I get to be your mother.’ Peter was then pulled into a bone crushing hug by Natasha, which he reciprocated and cried into her shoulder as Tony ran his fingers through his gelled hair.

‘I meant every goddamn word bud. I love you and Nat’s right. We both felt like something was missing from our lives and you fit the piece Pete. We both thought that adopting you together, would be more beneficial than just one of us, because this way, you’ve got two adoring parents – who are strictly in a co-parenting relationship only, who will always be there for you and…’ Tony gestured to the rest of the Avengers, who between them, were crying, clapping madly and cheering and were also grinning from ear to ear. ‘…you’ve just gained a ton of Aunt and Uncles, who are all part of the biggest fucking dysfunctional family in the world, and who also love you so much. You are our family Peter and we love you so much.’

Peter couldn’t say anything through his tears, so he settled for nodding rapidly and he hugged Tony and Natasha even tighter, as they all cried together.

They were a family.

After a few moments, the trio had all regained a sense of composure and had made their way down from the stage to be swarmed by everyone. When everyone had congratulated Peter and also Tony and Natasha, Tony pulled out the microphone from his pocket and grinned mischievously.

‘LETS GET THIS PARTY STARTED!’ Tony yelled into the microphone, as music stared blaring out of the speakers. Fireworks were set off from the other side of the garden – manned by Steve and Bucky, who were already setting up the next round. Thor picked Peter up on his shoulders and ran around the garden, with Peter shrieking happily. Wanda was levitating balloons around to chase Sam and Vision; Clint was already on the bouncy castle and Tony and Natasha were talking to the rest of the team, grinning from ear to ear.

Thor let Peter down and he ran over to where his newly adopted parents were standing and gave them another big hug; the others left to give them some privacy and went to go to the buffet.

‘Thank you so much. A…after May, I never thought I’d be part of a proper family again…I’m just so thankful and so happy. I love you both so much.’ Natasha and Tony immediately pulled him in for a hug, and he melted into it, the biggest smile on his face, as he finally felt himself being happy – completely and truly, for the first time since May died.

‘маленький паук, we love you more than the moon and the stars and we aren’t going anywhere.’

‘We love you so much Kid. Always and forever.’

‘Always and forever.’ Peter agreed and after a few minutes, he broke apart from the hug, then looked up at Tony and Natasha with a mischievous gleam in his eye.

‘Now, who wants to go on the pirate ship bouncy castle?!'


	22. The Party - part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Adoption Party Part 2 is here!  
> Lots of fluff and angst ensues - please leave a kudos and a comment for things you want to see in further chapters!   
> Stay Strong <3
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3   
> xx

Many of the Avengers – who weren’t on the Bouncy Castle or manning the fireworks, or drinking heavily (Tony), were standing in front of the stage howling with laughter. Peter clutched his sides, gasping for air through his hysteric laughing as Clint dramatically ended his rendition of Toxic – by Britney Spears, on the karaoke set – which Tony had set up for everyone on the stage. Natasha and Steve had come up to watch the ending and were also laughing wildly and even Vision was grinning.

‘TH-THAT WAS A-AMAZ-AMAZING!’ Peter managed through his laughs, completely ignoring Sam’s indignant expression.

‘Oi Spider-boy, what about my song? You said mine was the most amazing song ever!’

Peter stuck out his tongue and waggled it cheekily, which earned him a smirk from Natasha.

‘I mean, it was really good, but it would have been better if you had an actual wrecking ball Mr Wilson. Clint went all out.’ Peter said pointedly – gesturing to Clint, whose short spiky hair was tied up in pigtails and Natasha’s pink Ballet tutu which he was wearing, which had risen halfway up his back.

‘Barton’s performance had the edge. The pigtails definitely made that an award winning performance.’ Natasha said smirking, as Clint jumped down off the stage and gave her a high-five, which she returned, whilst shaking her head in amusement.

‘You guys suck.’ Sam huffed and ran over to the Bouncy Castle, where Bucky and Thor were having a competition to see who could jump the highest.

‘No-one told me that I’d invited lady gaga to the party.’ Tony deadpanned, as he walked over, a large drink in hand and glanced at Clint, who flipped the bird at him.

‘Don’t see you up there Stark.’ Clint raised his eyebrows, as if in silent challenge.

‘That’s because unlike you lot, I’m the host, and as the host…’

‘…YOU SHOULD DEFINITELY SING A SONG!’ Peter finished, grinning widely at Tony who grimaced.

‘…not quite what I was going for there kiddo. More along the lines of drinking myself into a coma actually.’ Peter’s face fell slightly and that was enough for Tony to down the rest of his drink.

‘It’s a very good thing that I’m incredibly smart, as well as dashingly handsome, so I prepared for such an occasion.’ Tony flashed Peter a smile, then he turned and muttered something to Rhodey whose face lit up instantly. They both walked onto the stage and started routing behind the curtain through the large karaoke dressing up box, that everyone had all helped to set up earlier. There were new bits and bobs that Tony had ordered, but most of the Avengers had actually leant their own weird and wonderful things to the dressing up box for the night. An Ironman suit had flown behind the stage, holding an incredibly large box – the likes of which nobody could see inside of, which added to the excitement of the next performance.

‘This will be good.’ Steve mused, quirking an eyebrow at Natasha who nodded in agreement. Pepper walked over to stand next to the group of Avengers and bit her lip nervously, looking at the curtain. ‘I hope Tony doesn’t fall off the stage again, he’s already had quite a bit to drink.’ Clint laughed, ignoring the disapproving but amused look from Natasha and Steve.

‘I kind of hope he does actually, that would be hilarious. When did he ever fall off a stage?!’

However, Clint’s question was unanswered, because at that exact moment, Pepper gasped and everyone in the near vicinity of the stage, suddenly burst out laughing as a very familiar guitar rift blared out from the speakers and Tony and Rhodey literally slid out from behind the curtain, right across the stage, each dressed in a giant lobster outfit.

‘NO WAY!’

‘HOLYSHIT!’

‘Why are they dressed as fish people?’

‘SOMEONE BETTER BE RECORDING THIS!’

‘ON IT!’

‘THEY’RE NOT FISH PEOPLE … THEY’RE LOBSTERS!’

‘THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE!’

‘Tony told me that he had bought a just in case outfit for the karaoke, but I thought he meant like a pair of funny glasses or something. I can’t believe Rhodey was in on this too.’ Pepper groaned to Clint, who was howling with laughter, as Tony and Rhodey started singing very badly to Rock Lobster. They were wearing matching giant lobster full body outfits – which Peter thought, if you closed an eye and tilted your head, looked a lot like Mr Krabs from Spongebob – they even had the massive claws!

By this point, everyone had gathered in front of the stage and were also singing along with Tony and Rhodey, who were taking it in turns to make the funny noises into each other’s microphones. Peter was dancing with Natasha, Clint, Steve, Bruce, Wanda, Vision, Sam and Bucky, who were all attempting to singalong to the song, despite laughing hysterically at the continued butt wiggles from Tony and Rhodey on the stage. As the final chorus of Rock Lobster ended, Peter, Clint, Bucky, Wanda and Sam were all on their knees playing pretend Air-Guitar, tongues stuck out as they sung the last _‘ROCK LOBSTER!’_

Everyone started clapping when the song finished and Tony and Rhodey took a bow, which ended up with them both toppling over in a heap in the middle of the stage and everyone laughing madly once again. When the costumes were taken off and everyone had settled down, going back to the celebrations, Tony walked off the stage with Rhodey and smiled smugly at Clint.

‘Challenge accepted and won Legolas. I’d even go so far to say that it was Grammy worthy.’ Tony mused, as Clint smirked and pretended to bow in a royal style to him, earning laughs from Peter and Pepper. Tony pulled Pepper into a kiss and Peter pulled a face, laughing as Natasha covered his eyes jokingly.

‘THE BUFFET IS OPEN!’ Thor suddenly yelled, standing at the backgarden entrance to the Compound, holding a large plate of what looked like chicken drumsticks. Clint, Bucky, Sam and Wanda immediately ran off inside, leaving the rest of the team to take a slow walk behind them.

The first thing that Peter saw when he entered the kitchen, was that it had been set up with very long tables, each draped in a red, gold or blue table cloth and piled high with many varieties of food. There was a table dedicated to Chinese food, one for Indian food, another with what looked like Thai, another with general party food, one with burgers and pizza and one that was just for desserts.

‘Not a chance Barton.’ Natasha grabbed Clint’s arm, as he tried and failed to sneak past her, with a plate of cupcakes and other desserts. Peter grinned as Natasha rolled her eyes.

‘Natttt!’ He whined, as she took the plate from his hands and put it on the side, then turned back to him, with a raised eyebrow, as if daring him to argue with her. He scowled and made his way over to get a few slices of pizza and some vegetables.

‘Right little Spider, what are you in the mood for?’ Natasha asked, walking around the tables with Peter, as Tony and Pepper walked off to the pizza and burger themed table. Peter looked at the assortment of various foods, feeling hungry, but also incredibly overwhelmed at the large choice. He shrugged, looked down at his shoes and bit his lip.

_Caloriescaloriesfatweightcaloriesgreasefoodfoodcalories_

‘Rainbow.’ He muttered softly.

Natasha nodded in understanding. She then put a firm hand on his shoulder and steered him to her left, as she reached for a plate. She then gently, but firmly steered Peter through the many tables and past the Avengers, stopping every now and then to add something to the plate. Peter didn’t look up, until Natasha gently squeezed his shoulder and he realised that she had led him to the communal living room, where they were now alone.

‘Here you go Kid. Any requests that you want?’ Peter looked at the plate she was holding and smiled. He realised that Natasha had obviously been keeping an eye on what he had been eating for the past 4 months and so had picked all of his favourites, including his ‘safe foods’ like sweetcorn and celery sticks.

‘Thanks Auntie Nat…I mean Mom…I mean…sorry...’ Peter blushed slightly, then grinned as Natasha ruffled his hair, with the hand that wasn’t holding his dinner plate.

‘No worries Pete. You can call me Mom, I don’t mind, I mean I technically am now anyway.’ She winked at him and he smiled, then gave her a big hug. She handed him his plate.

‘I’ll be back in a bit, ok? I need to make sure that Tony left some cheese-burgers for the rest of us. Also, I’m pretty sure that by now Barton will have raided the dessert table again, and I want a slice of that Raspberry cheesecake before he eats it all.’ Peter nodded giggling and he sat down, beginning to eat a slice of a pizza, watching Natasha walk back into the kitchen.

4 months ago, he never would have thought that he would be eating in the Avengers Compound…his home… at his very own adoption party. He sighed happily. He had a Mom and Dad.

He was adopted.

The adopted son of Natasha Romanoff – the Black Widow and Tony Stark – Ironman.

They would always be there for him and he would finally be part of a family, with the biggest and weirdest assortment of Aunts and Uncles ever. He smiled, realising that he had managed to eat almost all the food that Natasha had put on his plate; he could beat this, he had support and he knew at that moment that everything might just be ok.

‘Hey kiddo – hungry?’

Peter was jerked out of his thoughts, as Tony came and sat down next to him, eating the last few bites of a large cheeseburger.

‘Yeah, things were just a bit too hectic in the kitchen, sorry…’ He said sheepishly, eating the last of his celery sticks as Tony frowned.

‘I might be on the way to getting drunk on both alcohol and cheese-burgers right now, but I do know that this is your home, so apart from the roof and the toilet, you can literally eat wherever you want – provided you don’t make a mess.’ Tony said pointedly, as Peter smiled and nodded.

‘So, I didn’t a chance to ask earlier, because I’m not one for emotional stuff, but I can now blame any and all emotions on alcohol. Only joking, I’m not drunk yet, but I probably will be soon, as Barton has already spiked the fruit punch…so, how are you feeling bud?’

Peter grinned. ‘I’m good.’ Tony raised an eyebrow, as if saying that he didn’t believe him.

‘Me and Nat have just adopted you and you’re just … good? If it was me, I’d be freaking out at the prospect of all this, in a good way of course, but I thought you’d be feeling a bit overwhelmed at the least? How are you really feeling, about all this, but in general? You can talk to me kiddo, I want to be here for you.’ Peter visibly stiffened and seeing this, Tony slung an arm over his shoulder.

‘You know you can tell me anything, right kid? I mean, I’m your dad now, so urrr…tell me or I’ll ground you?’

‘Was that a threat or a Question?’ Peter replied laughing at the incredulous look on Tony’s face.

‘Listen here Spiderling, I have no idea what I’m doing most of the time, but I want you to be happy bud. What’s on your mind?’ Peter looked at the doorway for Natasha but he didn’t see anything other than a faint mass of red hair in the crowd of the kitchen – she was presumably still fighting with Clint over the desserts. Taking a large breath, Peter decided that Tony was right and he could trust him with everything right? Maybe not everything, but at the very least, what happened last night…

‘Last night…I…Natasha…she…found me…’

‘…on a rooftop. Yeah I know kid. We had a chat about it. Don’t worry, she didn’t tattle or anything like that, I found out because I thought it was bit weird that nothing about the ‘supposed suicide jumper’ had made the local news, so I got Friday to do a few scans and despite the amazing assassin that Nat is, she can’t make your webbing dissolve, as it takes 3 hours. I tracked it up to a roof, found sets of both of your footprints right up to the edge and… there was only one possible conclusion. If something like a suicide jumper that died, had happened, you would have come straight home – like you always do, you wouldn’t have gone up to a rooftop and gone to the edge yourself kiddo.’

A tear streaked down Peter’s face and Tony wiped it away with the pad of his thumb.

‘You don’t have to tell me all the ins and outs, that’s what Natasha’s here for, as I know she’s basically like your emotional support, which is why I wanted to co-parent with her. I’m not good with all this, but I want you to know that I will be there for you, whenever you need me. If anything like that happens again, Natasha won’t keep it from me though, because it’s pretty serious bud. So, do you wanna tell me what happened last night?’

‘J…just Flash being a dick and I mi…miss May an…and I had a…a rubbish day.’ Peter sniffed, leaving out how he felt like he was slipping back into his old habits with eating and self-harm.

‘Ok, so I guess we need to sort out Flash again. That will be done, first thing on Monday.’ Tony said firmly, squeezing Peter’s shoulder in support.

‘Also, you’re going to miss your super hot Aunt, because she brought you up and this is a huge change – her dying and you moving here and getting adopted and stuff. It’s a lot for anyone to deal with, let alone a 14 year old.’ Peter nodded and rested his head on Tony’s shoulder.

‘I’m sorry I didn’t tell you, I…I didn’t know how to.’

Tony shook his head and gave Peter a large hug, which he melted into.

‘I know, it’s fine. I know you’ve got other stuff on – that Natasha’s helping you with, but I don’t know what. So, moving forward, I want you to talk to Natasha, like you are doing, but please come to me if you ever feel like that again kid. You deserve life and I love you so much bud. I want to be there for you, ok?’ Peter nodded as Tony held up his pinky finger, eyebrow quirked. He linked his own with Tony’s and smiled as he felt a kiss planted to the top of his head. Pepper all but ran into the living room, looking both slightly guilty at intruding, but mostly flustered.

‘Sorry to interrupt, but there’s a kind of a situation going on that you may want to sort out, Tony...’ Pepper gestured them to follow her through the kitchen. They stopped by the back door, where Tony and Peter had a clear view of the Bouncy Castle, where Clint, Thor, Sam, and Bucky were arguing very animatedly.

‘I swear to god, if I have to tell them one more time to take it in turns, I’m going to lose it. Honestly, it’s like I’m a fucking childminder. THOR PUT YOUR MAGICAL FUCKING HAMMER DOWN! NO IT’S NOT TO HELP YOU BOUNCE HIGHER! IT’S AN OFFWORLD SUPER WEAPON!’

Peter laughed as Tony ran towards Thor shouting and threatening to call a suit to forcibly remove both Thor and the hammer, with Pepper following, shaking her head in exasperation.

‘Proud of you kid.’

Natasha stood next to Peter and put a hand on his shoulder, smiling softly. He turned to look at her and frowned adorably.

‘Why?’

She chuckled and not saying anything, she led him back into the living room and pointed simply at the now empty plate, that Peter had left on the coffee table. He grinned and nodded.

‘Good job.’ She praised and ruffled his hair.

‘I told Tony about what happened last night too…not everything!’ He exclaimed, seeing the surprised expression on Natasha’s face. She quirked an eyebrow, inviting him to continue.

‘…but I told him about Flash and missing May and stuff. I promised that I’d tell him if I ever felt like I did last night ag…’ Natasha pulled him into a firm hug.

‘I am so fucking proud of you. That took some guts and I’m sorry I wasn’t there – you can blame Barton for trying to take the last piece of Raspberry cheesecake.’

‘You do like Raspberry cheesecake.’ Peter agreed seriously and Natasha smirked, laughing at the serious expression on his face.

‘Come on then – you’ve got some presents to open.’

Peter’s mouth fell open. ‘I do?’

Natasha grinned and led him outside, where everyone was now making their way over to a large pile of gifts, that definitely hadn’t been there before Peter ate his dinner! Steve saw them walk over and put a particularly large box at the side of the table. He smiled kindly at Peter, who smiled back and nervously moved closer to Natasha. She pointed to the stage, and Tony flashed everyone a smile, then paused the music and picked up a microphone.

‘So now everyone is watered and fed, I have been informed that a certain boy has a shit load of presents to open, courtesy of all his new Aunt’s and Uncles.’ Peter squeaked and turned to look at the rest of the team, who were smiling at him fondly.

‘Go ahead kid.’ Natasha gently pushed Peter towards the pile of gifts and he eagerly reached for the top one. Tony walked down from the stage and walked over to stand next to the rest of the group, who were all by the table, either seated on the grass, or stood up.

A few minutes later, Peter had almost finished opening the presents. So far he had gotten many expensive and amazing lego sets, science and Disney t-shirts – which he was secretly very happy about. Natasha gave him a knowing smirk and he blushed, remembering that he secretly wanted to wear a Disney science t-shirt earlier – instead of a shirt. He also got Starwars collectables, a cool set of math books, a Spiderman teddy from Clint who hadn’t stopped laughing at the pleased look on Peter’s face and the exasperated one on Tony’s; a load of comics, some fake spiderman tattoos and even a top of the range nerf gun from Steve . There were 2 gifts left and Peter looked at the top present, reading the tag, before shaking the box slightly.

_To Peter_

_You make all of us so happy and I’m honoured that I get to be your dad and watch you grow up into the amazing man that I know you will be._

_Love Dad x_

He opened the box and a small silver key fell out and landed in his palm. Peter looked at Tony, who shrugged. ‘This isn’t really much of a present, but it’s something that you need, and I figure that the party is essentially the main present anyway. It’s the key to the Compound.’

‘I LOVE IT! THANK YOU SO MUCH!’ Tony and everyone else laughed, then Tony carried on speaking, much to everyone else’s surprise.

‘Good, because for this weekend only, it’s also the key to my personal holiday house in Maui, which is where we are going to be spending the weekend. You lot are all invited too of course.’ Tony added, grimacing as everyone burst out into excited shouts, squeals and gasps, even Natasha looked amazed. He grunted as Peter literally leapt into his arms and gave him a huge hug.

‘THANKYOU! THANKYOU! THANKYOU! THISISGOINGTOBEAMAZING!’ Everyone laughed again at the excited boy, who was practically jumping up and down by this point.

‘Woah, take a breath there kiddo. We leave tomorrow afternoon, so we have the entire weekend away. Also, you’ve still got Natasha’s present to open.’ Grinning, Peter picked up the smallest little bag and read the tag. Everyone fell silent, immediately recognising the bag that Natasha bought from their trip to the Zoo – the bag that nobody was allowed to look in for fear of being stabbed.

маленький паук

_I bought this a while back and was saving it for a very special occasion. Always remember that the most beautiful rainbow can only be found after the worst storm._

_I love you._

_Mom xo_

Peter looked hesitantly at Natasha who gave him a smile.

‘Don’t worry, nothing is going to jump out at you, I promise.’ Nodding, Peter untied the ribbon on top of the bag and pulled out a small little box. He opened it carefully and a small bracelet fell out into his palm. It was a beautiful black bracelet, that had an intricate pattern on it and a word that was repeated, in a language that Peter couldn’t read. Hanging down in the middle of the bracelet, were two charms, but the last one had been added separately – due to the different size of the clasp, compared with the first one. The first charm was of a spider silhouette and then next to it, hung another charm, it was a rainbow.

‘The bracelet was handcrafted in Russia – according to the Zoo, but I had it personalised with the charms. The word on the bracelet is: надежда, it means hope.’ Natasha gave Peter a knowing look, watching as he blinked away some tears, as he gently touched the rainbow charm and then gave Natasha a huge hug, which she reciprocated.

‘Does this mean that you like it?’

She felt Peter nod into her chest and mumble something inaudible.

‘What was that маленький паук?’

Peter looked up at her with so much adoration and gave her a kiss on her cheek. ‘I love it and…I love you too mom, thank you so much.’ Natasha swallowed past the lump in her throat and nodded quickly, hugging him tightly again, before he ran over to show Tony and the others. Clint put his arm over Natasha’s shoulders, which were shaking ever so slightly.

‘God you’ve gone soppy Tasha.’ Natasha punched him lightly in the stomach and he grunted but smirked at her. She rested her head on his shoulder and watched fondly as Peter subtly put on the bracelet underneath his long sleeve shirt, whilst talking energetically to everyone else about the rest of his presents and what they were going to do on the weekend away.

She knew that he knew what the bracelet really symbolised and what she gave it to him for and she smiled.

A few hours later, Peter, Bucky, Thor and Steve were having a jumping competition on the bouncy castle; Pepper and Tony were manning the fireworks; Bruce was organising the music and Natasha was playing cards against humanity with Clint, Wanda, Vision, Sam and Rhodey. After a 7th hand, she got bored and she muttered something about getting a drink to Clint, then she walked inside through the empty kitchen and into the bar.

The bar was littered with beer bottles, bottle tops and used glasses. A large variety of alcohol was placed haphazardly back on the shelves and there was even a dartboard full of darts – all on the bullseye, she smiled. Natasha walked around the bar, familiarising herself with the drinks – of course Tony would have literally bought an entire drinks menu worth of alcohol, she mused, then she poured herself a cocktail.

Sitting around the bar on one of the stools, sighing in relief as she slid her high heels off, she sipped her drink lazily, allowing her thoughts to flow freely through her mind for the first time that day. All her life she had been a killer, stolen from a family she couldn’t remember, trained to kill, trained to be a monster. Then this kid, this wonderful little human, had crawled his way into her heart and taught her how to love again. The choice of child-bearing had been harshly taken away from her at a young age, but now, all these years later, after so many missions, deaths and red in her ledger, she was finally happy - truly and wholly. Anything that happened, she knew that she could face, as she finally had a family and for the first time in a long time, she felt like she had a place in the world. She would protect Peter and the Avengers with her life and she wouldn’t have it any other way. Natasha was roused out of her thoughts as she heard the sound of a familiar set of bare feet coming from behind her, by the backdoor…then the kitchen - then a shuffling sound could be heard. She rolled her eyes.

‘I can hear you.’ She said and then she smirked as a groan came from above her head.

‘Aw! I thought I got you that time Mom!’ Natasha looked up, as her heart filled with an all too familiar warm feeling at hearing Peter call her that. Peter giggled and plonked himself down on a stool next to Natasha, who quirked an eyebrow up, as his feet barely touched the ground.

‘It’s so weird calling you that…but I like it.’ Natasha smirked and rolled her eyes, as Peter laughed.

‘Pete, you were literally above my head, so of course I’d notice you were here. Speaking of which, you know that you aren’t allowed over by the bar kid, why aren’t you bouncing on the pirate bouncy castle, as I assume that’s why you aren’t wearing your shoes?’ She quirked an eyebrow – looking at his bare feet pointedly, as Peter bit his lip and smiled sheepishly.

‘No reason, I just wondered where you’d gone.’ Natasha snorted at his attempt at lying and then she hummed in thought and stood up. She moved around the bar and started preparing some sort of drink. She knew that something was bothering Peter, but from the way he was trying not to talk about it, he was clearly anxious and maybe even embarrassed? Natasha decided to try and help him to relax a bit, before she pressed about why he’d come to see her.

‘It’s a mocktail.’ She explained at the confused expression on Peters face, as he watched her mix up a few ingredients.

‘Why?’

‘Why what?’

‘Why is it called a moxtail?’

‘Mocktail.’

‘Right, that.’

‘It’s basically a non-alcoholic beverage that looks like a real cocktail. Bottoms up.’ Natasha sat back down next to him and handed him a tall glass of a pink liquid. He scrunched his nose up and smelt it. It smelt kind of sweet, he took a sip and looked at Natasha in shock.

‘What is that?! It’s so nice!’ He drank more of it, not noticing the smirk ghost Natasha’s face.

‘My special recipe. I’ll tell you when you’re older.’ Secretly, it was just a very strong raspberry cordial that she had bought in Russia, which was hidden in an unused cupboard in a corner of the bar. Usually only her and Clint used a bit of it with Vodka – as the others deemed it as too sweet, but it didn’t have much sugar in it, it was just quite strong and she had made Peter a sort of pink lemonade type of mocktail with it, knowing how much he liked raspberries.

They made small talk for a while, discussing highlights of the party, as they both finished their drinks and Natasha made herself a second cocktail, listening to Peters excited rambling about his presents and how much he loved his bracelet (which he was proudly wearing). She sat back down, drink in hand and decided to investigate the reason for his visit to see her.

‘So, what’s on your mind, kid?’ Peter frowned, trying to remember why he’d ended up in the bar in the first place and then his eyes widened as he remembered what he wanted to talk to Natasha about.

‘Okay, so you know how we’re going to the beach?’

‘The beach?’ Natasha repeated in confusion.

‘Yeah! You know, the key, my present remember? We’re all going and we leave tomorrow afternoon!’ Peter said, as Natasha’s brain worked frantically trying to remember when the hell they’d all planned a beach trip. Then the pieces all clicked and she smirked.

‘Oh, you mean Stark’s holiday house in Maui?’

‘Yeah - the beach!’

Natasha nodded fondly and was once again reminded of how young he actually was, so she decided to act very surprised that she had forgotten, which earned her a giggle from Peter, who thought she was being serious.

‘Of course… the beach! How could I forget? Kid, you do know that in Maui, there’s like volcanos and other stuff, not just a beach, right?’ Peter nodded excitedly and then looked at her very seriously.

‘I want to tell you something, but you have to promise not to laugh, ok?’ Natasha put on a very serious impression, earning another giggle from Peter, who looked at her seriously again and took a deep breath.

‘I’ve never been to the beach actually. Phew, there I said it.’

Natasha frowned. ‘Why would I laugh at that?’

‘Because I’m 14 and I’ve never been to the beach! We went to Coney Island, but we didn’t actually go swimming or on the beach. I wanted to go, but it was a bit too late and…’

‘…hey Kid, slow down, it’s fine, really. You think that at age 14 I’d ever been to the beach? I grew up in the Red Room remember, the most I got to going to the beach or going to any large body of water for that matter, was when I was being water boar…actually never mind – the first time I went to the actual beach was in 2008.’ Natasha quickly amended, remembering who she was talking to. She looked at Peter, who looked much more relaxed than he had since he had entered the bar, but still looked a bit sceptical and worried.

‘What else is going on Pete?’

‘I…I can’t swim…May could never afford lessons and I just never…never learnt.’ Her heart clenching for him, she reached over and squeezed his shoulder, then pulled him into a sideways hug.

‘We’ll all teach you. Nothing to be ashamed of, I promise. Everyone who can swim, has had to learn at some point, even superheroes. I remember when Clint taught Cooper and Lila how to swim.’ Natasha started telling stories about how Clint taught his kids and how much fun they’d had the last summer. Peter relaxed into her embrace and his eyes felt heavy all of a sudden. Natasha glanced at the time, it was almost 1am already and way past Peter’s bedtime.

‘I think it’s time for a certain spiderling to go to sleep. What do you think huh?’

‘Not t’red’ Peter slurred, rubbing his eyes in a vain attempt to stay awake.

‘Yeah I can see that.’ Natasha said sarcastically chuckling, she then went to help Peter stand up. ‘Come on, let’s say goodnight to everyone and get you into bed.’

When they arrived by the kitchen door, the party was still in full swing, despite it being 1am. However, the music had been turned down to a more manageable noise, pretty much the entire buffet had been eaten – by the looks of the empty plates and empty packets which littered the kitchen, the fireworks had all been lit earlier and everyone was either currently dancing in front of the stage, (some wearing very questionable outfits) or were just sat around talking. Natasha led him outside and told him to wait by the bouncy castle, whilst she herded everyone up, so he wouldn’t have to walk around the garden to find everyone.

Peter nodded gratefully as she left, then yawned and looked through his half-lidded eyes, squinting at the bright lights. He flopped onto the bouncy castle and waited for Natasha.

***

‘…nts to say night to you all’

‘…ooks like he’s already asleep Nat.’

‘Damn, he’s completely out.’

‘Back off and leave my kid alone. Clint stop bouncing near him!’

‘Thought you wanted to wake him up?’

‘Not by bouncing near his head!’

Peter opened an eye and whined at the hushed voices and a bouncing sensation from his left side.

‘Oh for fucks sake, you’ve woken him up now! Legolas I swear to god.’

‘Sorry, jeez.’

Natasha knelt down next to a very groggy Peter, who had sat up – somewhat clumsily as he was on a bouncy castle. She carded her fingers through his now once again unruly hair. ‘Say goodnight to everyone маленький паук.’ Peter nodded and leant his head against Natasha’s shoulder, as he looked up at everyone.

‘G’night everyone – thanks for the party and the presents and stuff.’ They all chuckled fondly and wished him goodnight, then most of them walked off to continue celebrating, leaving Natasha and Tony behind, who had knelt down next to Peter, who was rapidly losing the fight on keeping his eyes open.

‘Love you bud. See you in the morning. I’m glad you had a good night.’

‘L’ve you Dad, thanks for adopting me and stuff.’ Tony laughed and stroked Peter’s cheek fondly and he finally lost the battle in keeping his eyes open. ‘Anytime kiddo.’

‘…rry him up?’

‘…et me, you’re the host.’

‘Ok what abou…’

‘…n’t worry, I’ll only be a few minutes.’

Peter whined as he felt his body being lifted up and he instinctively wrapped his arms and legs around the person carrying him – which by the familiar flowery perfume they were wearing, was Natasha.

‘Shhh. Go back to sleep маленький паук.’ She soothed, then kissed the top of Peters head, and he sighed, instantly falling back asleep. Making her way up to floor 2, careful not to move too quickly for fear of waking Peter up, she finally arrived at his bedroom door and pushed it open with her foot.

Natasha put Peter down onto his bed, deciding to just let him sleep in his clothes, as he clearly didn’t care; then she kissed his cheek and tucked him in; spending probably longer than was needed to make sure that he was properly tucked in. She reached behind his headboard and pulled out his favourite teddy bear, which she put next to him. Natasha smirked as he rolled over, so he was facing her, still fast asleep and clutched the bear tightly. She smiled as she looked at his face – which was peaceful in sleep and she ran her fingers gently through his hair.

‘Good night маленький паук. I’m so happy that I’m your mom. I’m always going to be here for you and I love you so much. Sweet dreams baby.’ Peter stirred in his sleep and opened a sleepy eye and looked at her with so much adoration.

‘Love you mom.’ He whispered and instantly fell back asleep, a small smile on his face. Natasha felt a tear slide down her cheek. She smiled, feeling the familiar warm sensation in her chest as she glanced at Peters sleeping form, tucked in his Starwars duvet, with his favourite teddy in his arms. She made herself a promise in that moment, as she turned on Peter’s Starwars night light, that she would always make sure that he was loved, protected and supported. Natasha felt for the first time in her life, that maybe she really could be a good mom after all. Smiling, she left his door ajar and went back to the party.


	23. Holiday Packing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the morning of the trip to Maui and Tony has Friday monitor everyone's packing:)  
> Peter has some help from Natasha getting ready for the holiday, but will his mental demons get the better of him, when he's left alone?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Triggering*** 
> 
> Hi everyone - this chapter deals with disassociation, please don't read if you find it triggering.  
> Leave a kudos and a comment if you liked it please and a suggestion for a new chapter!  
> Think I might finish this fic very soon and start a new one. 
> 
> Stay Strong  
> MarvelObsessedgirl3 xx

It was 11am and Tony was in the kitchen, making a large mug of coffee, thinking about how happy Peter had been the night previously, and thinking about everything that needed to be done to ensure the holiday to Maui went smoothly that afternoon. He sighed and sipped his coffee, as some of the Avengers entered the otherwise unoccupied kitchen.

‘Urgh please nobody let me drink again.’ Moaned Clint, putting his sunglasses on, as he climbed to sit on top of the fridge, holding a large mug of coffee.

‘Me too.’ Sam agreed, appearing from the doorway - nursing a bad headache, as Wanda nodded and put her head on his shoulder.

Tony smirked, walked into the living room and sat down on an armchair, looking around at the rest of the team in amusement, who by that point were either in the kitchen or in the living room, looking very tired and mainly hungover. Steve and Bucky were cuddled up together, with Mr Whiskers asleep on Steve’s lap, watching an episode of Bakeoff, eating a large plate of pancakes; Clint was in the kitchen, moaning with Sam, Wanda and Rhodey about the dangers of alcohol, as Vision looked at them all with a very confused expression; Natasha was shaking her head in exasperation, curled up on a sofa, reading a document marked ‘ _confidential’_ , while Thor was eating a questionable amount of poptarts, sat on the sofa next to Tony, who had whipped his phone out and was messaging Pepper.

**_*Private Message*_ **

**_Tony:_ ** _Hey Pep, are you sure you don’t want to come to the Holiday house? X_

**_Peppotts:_ ** _Morning Tony. I’d love to, you know that, but I have so much work to catch up on and you’ll have loads of fun, don’t worry. I’ll see you on Tuesday! Have fun <3 xxx_

**_Tony:_** <3 I always do:D xxx

Tony smiled and pocketed his phone, then started to talk to Thor, who was discussing the best time to go back to Asgard after going to Maui. After a while, everyone left either by themselves or in pairs, under strict instructions to go and pack for that afternoon, as they were leaving on the Quinjet soon. Natasha looked up and saw Tony scrolling determinedly on his phone.

‘Hey Tony, I’m going to go wake up the kid.’

Tony looked up from his phone and smiled appreciatively. ‘Thanks Nat – make sure you go through whatever he’s packed, because I’m pretty sure he’d just take comics if it was up to him. He’s never been on holiday before, so he could probably use some help packing.’

Natasha smirked and nodded, then she put down the files she’d been reading and set off upstairs to go and wake Peter up.

***

Peter groaned, then sat up and rubbed his eyes tiredly, trying to get his sleep addled brain to work. He then instantly woke up when he remembered that all the Avengers and himself, were going to Maui that afternoon for a long weekend break! He jumped out of bed and grabbed his old avengers suitcase from the bottom of his wardrobe, then started running around his room throwing in things that he thought he would need.

After a few minutes, Peter’s suitcase was full of books and lots of comic books, (for reading by the pool of course), one t-shirt and a pair of posh black designer shorts for a just in-case spare, a pair of nice sandals and some trainers; he had also packed his Teddybear and Starwars blanket, alongside numerous notebooks full of scientific equations for a new web formula he’d been working on. He looked at the contents and nodded in approvement, then zipped up the suitcase and ran into the bathroom, then he proceeded to get hurriedly dressed.

Peter frowned when he remembered what Natasha had told him about Maui the night before, if there was a volcano, then it would be very hot – would there be any point in wearing jeans there? Shaking his head, Peter decided to just put on his swimming shorts and a bright blue plain t-shirt, which clashed horribly with his bright yellow swimming shorts. Looking in the mirror, Peter nodded happily at his choices – very sensible and practical, given the destination of the holiday, he thought satisfactorily and two less things to pack -also his selfharm scars were all healed due to his spidey healing, so he could wear t-shirts again, which he smiled about.

Peter then decided that he wanted to look more grown up and sophisticated – like Tony, as this was his first proper holiday and he looked over by the sink and spotted something which he thought could help him.

‘Do I need to wear hair gel on holiday? I could look like Dad!’ Peter mused, holding the tub of gel that Natasha had let him keep the day before. He opened it and grimaced at the smell, then applied a generous amount on his fingers and ran it haphazardly through his hair. He tried to make it look good, but his hair wouldn’t cooperate and all too soon, the tub was empty and his hair looked like a greasy mess, all stuck up and crunchy with the gel. He felt his eyes fill with tears and bit his lip nervously, he tried to brush his hair, but it was all stuck together! Peter started getting annoyed and was so worked up that he didn’t hear the soft knock at the door.

‘Hey Kid, everything ok?’

He rubbed his eyes angrily. ‘Everything’s fine, just go away and leave me alone!’

On the other side of the door, Natasha raised an eyebrow at the tone of Peter’s voice, then decided to pry slightly.

‘How’s the packing going? Do you want any help with anything? We leave in 3 hours.’ She said nonchalantly.

‘It’s fine.’ Peter said, his voice breaking at the end of the sentence. Natasha frowned and warned him.

‘I’m coming in kid.’ There was no response, except for a small sniff and Natasha opened the bathroom door, not expecting the sight that met her eyes.

Peter was ‘dressed’ in bright yellow swimming shorts, a plain blue t-shirt, which had a sizeable ink stain on the back; his hair was stuck up everywhere, absolutely coated in hair gel, which he had somehow managed to get on his arms and feet and he was clearly trying to hold back tears. He was staring determinedly at the ground and it took everything in Natasha for her not to burst out laughing at how cute this situation was. She schooled her expression into her usual neutral one and gently used her thumb to lift Peters head up by his chin, so he met her eyes.

‘I think you might have used a bit too much gel there, kiddo.’ Natasha teased, trying to lighten the mood, but Peter’s eyes glossed over with tears and Natasha inwardly groaned, preparing for a teenage argument. Peter then proceeded to storm dramatically out of the bathroom, but Natasha gently and firmly caught him by his wrist and pulled him back.

‘Hey, hey, what happened маленький паук?’ Peter shook his head and tried to pull away from her, but she had stepped in front of the bathroom door and pulled him close to her chest, rubbing his back in what she hoped was a soothing manner.

‘I just wanted to be like him!’ Peter mumbled into Natasha’s chest through hitching breaths, as he fought back tears. Natasha was confused for a minute, then she saw the empty tub of hair gel and smirked fondly at the top of Peterss very gelled hair, as she pieced the pieces of the puzzle together and realised who Peter was referring to.

‘Pete. You don’t have to wear hair gel to be like Tony! He loves you regardless of how your hair looks, as do I and the rest of the team. Wearing your hair a different way, doesn’t really make you look more like a person – it’s how you act and treat others that shows the good parts of that person.’ Natasha explained gently, as Peter rubbed his eyes and looked up at her with an adorable frown.

‘But, but…but what about my hair?!’ He wailed turning around and pointing at himself in the mirror. ‘It’s going to have to get all chopped off! I don’t want to…be bald!’ He cried as Natasha chuckled softly and led him over to the shower.

‘It’ll just wash off, don’t worry sweetheart. Nobody could ever chop off those cute curls and if they did try to, then I’d chop off their arms.’ Natasha said, smiling as Peter giggled and nodded.

‘Also, as much as I like your choice of bright yellow swim shorts and the ink stained bright blue t-shirt, how about we find you something else to wear, that won’t make you look overwhelmingly florescent, hmm?’ Peter looked down at himself and sniffed, then gave a small shrug of resignation. Natasha squeezed his shoulder and led him over to the shower, which she turned on for him.

‘I’ll wait in your room, ok? I’ll start packing for you.’ She said kindly, turning around and reaching into the cupboard to get a clean fluffy towel for Peter.

‘No need! I’ve already packed!’ Peter said proudly, stripping out of his clothes, not caring that he was now completely naked in front of Natasha, who closed the cupboard and went to hand him his towel, but saw he had no clothes on and looked at him in shock for a second, which turned into fondness as he quickly smiled at her and hopped into the shower. Of course Peter didn’t care that he was fully naked, why should he? He was just a kid and now she was his adopted mother – so it was only natural that he would feel comfortable with that. It made her heart swell that he trusted her so much and she put the towel on the top of the toilet seat and walked out of the bathroom.

‘I bet you’ve done a good job, but I’ll have a quick check anyway.’ She called back to him and then closed the door.

***

‘What’s so funny Romanoff?’ Tony peered around Peter’s bedroom door and saw Natasha doubled over laughing as she went through Peters suitcase.

‘Well, I came in to check on Peter and he was covered with hair gel – as he wanted to be just like you. He is now in the shower and I’m going through his suitcase. Your son seems to think that to survive a long weekend in a very hot climate, that he will only need one tshirt and a pair of £675 designer shorts, trainers with no socks and no underwear. Also, he has brought at least 26 comic books.’ Natasha laughed as Tony walked into the room and looked at the contents of the suitcase and grinned.

‘Well, who wouldn’t try to look like me? I’m basically a sex symbol... it's kinda cute that he wanted to look like me though. Anyway, I’m sure to a 14 year old that having comic books is definitely the most important part of a mini holiday.’ Tony mused, flicking through a few of the comics, smirking as he saw that at least half of them were about the Avengers.

‘We leave in 2 and a half hours Nat, make sure you tell Peter to hurry up. I’ve been roped into helping a 16 year old pack, because apparently all Wanda thinks that she needs on holiday is makeup, according to Friday.’

Natasha raised an eyebrow and started routing through Peter’s drawers to find him a pair of suitable shorts. ‘Friday’s monitoring what we’re packing?’

Tony nodded seriously. ‘Yep.’ He said and popped the ‘p’. ‘I don’t want any of you lot moaning that you either have no clothes to wear or have forgotten anything, so I programmed Friday to personalise everyone’s suitcase choices and make suggestions, but it seems like Wanda is under the firm impression that she needs 8 pallets of eyeshadow and no real clothes apart from a swimming costume…’

 _‘…9 pallets boss, and also Miss Maximoff has now packed her entire collection of 43 nail varnishes – as she is under the impression that she may need to ‘mix and match’ depending on the weather.’_ Friday suddenly interrupted.

Tony sighed. ‘I’ve got Wanda, you get the kid packed. Meet in the living room when you’re done.’ He muttered something about ‘stupid adolescents’, then walked out of Peter’s room, leaving Natasha laughing wildly again.

A few minutes later, Peter walked out of the bathroom, wrapped in the fluffy white towel, with his hair all wet and curly, still stuck up in places covered with gel. He looked slightly annoyed as he pulled on the sticky locks of hair.

‘Jeez kid, how much gel did you use?! Come on, I’ll help you.’ She chuckled and walked back into the bathroom, with Peter following her.

‘Kneel down here and put your head over the side, like this, here.’ Natasha positioned him, so he was kneeling over the bathtub, wrapped up in the towel, as she turned the shower back on and started to comb her fingers through his hair as she rinsed the remaining gel out. Natasha put some apple scented shampoo in the centre of her palm and started to wash his hair properly for him. Her mind wandered as she looked down at the top of Peter’s shampoo covered hair. Since the graduation in the Red Room, where she was prevented from having her own children, she had never felt such a strong maternal instinct as she did whenever she looked at Peter. Of course, she’d washed Lila, Nate and Coopers hair before, but this was different, Peter was now her legal child, she was doing what a mother did…she was being a mother and it felt perfect. She looked at herself in the mirror by the sink, as she told Peter to close his eyes and rinsed the shampoo and remaining gel off; and smiled at how natural the scene was, she didn’t feel awkward or was trying to rush through it, it felt natural and Natasha felt her heart swell.

‘All done.’ She announced after a moment or so and helped Peter to stand up.

He ran his fingers through his hair and smiled happily. ‘Thanks! It isn’t sticky anymore!’ Natasha smirked, grabbed a clean towel and started to dry his hair. ‘That’s because I made sure to wash all the gel out.’ She said sarcastically as Peter started to ramble indignantly. ‘There was a lot and I thought I’d got it all, but then I realised I hadn’t and I didn’t want to go back in an…’

‘…I know, don’t worry, you’re all sorted now kiddo.’ She ruffled his now dry hair and led him back into the bedroom. Smiling, she patted the bed next to her, indicating that Peter sit down.

‘So, as much as I love your packing choices, there’s a few things you missed.’ Natasha explained, trying to hide a smile as Peter scrunched his face up in confusion.

‘What did I miss?’ He asked seriously. Natasha quirked an eyebrow up. ‘How about underwear?’ Peter continued to look confused.

‘I didn’t miss that.’ He said simply and this time it was Natasha’s turn to look confused. ‘You don’t have any.’ She said pointedly, rummaging through his suitcase to prove her point and to her surprise, when she looked up and deposited everything on his bed, Peter nodded earnestly. ‘I know, but I don’t need them, because I’ll be wearing my swimming shorts!’ He explained and Natasha burst out laughing.

‘Pete, what about when your swimming shorts are wet or if we leave the pool to go out to do an activity? Also how are you going to wear trainers without socks?’ She explained patiently, as Peter frowned in thought.

‘Oh yeah I didn’t think of that, maybe I should just pack a few pairs then.’ He stood up, then brought back a handful of underwear, which Natasha folded and packed neatly in the suitcase.

‘Right. Now, you do know that we’re only going for like 3 days right?’ Peter nodded and looked at Natasha expectantly, who turned around and picked up the enormous pile of comic books, which were piled up next to the suitcase.

‘So, pick 5.’ She instructed and Peter pouted adorably. ‘Aw, but why?’ He whined.

‘Because you aren’t going to Maui to sit and read comic books. Tony has already organised a lot of activities and you won’t have time to read all these. You’ll probably only be reading them at bedtime.’ Natasha explained patiently, as Peter started flicking through the comics. He finally chose 5 and Natasha packed those too. They then got a few pairs of shorts, t-shirts, non-florescent swimming shorts, a spare toothbrush, and pajamas – Peter insisted that he wanted to take his favourite science dinosaur ones, and after 15 minutes or so, when other things had been packed, alongside his blanket and teddy, which were also in the suitcase, Peter was fully packed. Natasha nodded approvingly and laid out an outfit for the Quinjet for him. He gave her a hug and she left him to get dressed and read some comics until they had to leave.

***

After packing her own things – obviously not needing any help from Friday, Natasha walked down to the living room and made herself a cup of herbal tea, as the rest of the team slowly trickled in over the next hour. Tony was currently chasing Clint around the Compound - who was resolutely protesting that he did not need to pack, as all he needed was booze and shorts; and Natasha was talking to Bucky and Steve about an upcoming Shield Mission, when she glanced around the room and couldn’t see Peter.

‘I’ll be back in a bit, just going to make sure that Peter hasn’t decided to repack.’ She joked, to Steve and Bucky who nodded and continued their conversation, as Natasha slipped out of the room and up to Peter’s room.

The first thing she heard when she opened the bedroom door was the sound of crying and her heart plummeted. Instantly the worst possible thoughts flooded through her head. _Was he hurt, did he hurt himself, was he having a panic attack?_

‘маленький паук? I’m here, let me in.’ Natasha said gently but firmly, as she strode to the bathroom door and went to grasp the door handle. I’m coming in.’ She warned, but all she heard in response were hitching breaths.

She pulled and the door clicked open. She ran inside, her eyes fell on Peter, who was sat on the floor, tears streaming down his face as he stared unblinkingly, at a small graze and cut on his calf. Natasha practically leapt over to him and put pressure on his leg, he didn’t even flinch.

‘Peter? What happened? Talk to me kid, come on.’ Tears just continued to cascade down his cheeks as he stared at Natasha’s hands, which were covering up the bloody cut. Natasha studied his eyes, which although they were focussed on his leg, looked empty and he wasn’t reacting to her touch. She felt her heart clench as she realised what was happening.

_He was disassociating. Crap._

‘маленький паук, wherever you think you are, you aren’t. You’re in the Avengers Compound with me and you’re completely safe. I’m here and I’m not mad. I’m not going anywhere. I need you to listen to my voice.’ Natasha removed her hands from his leg and deemed the cut as not deep, it definitely didn’t need stitches and the cut and graze were already healing – due to his Spidey powers.

Natasha had no idea what had caused Peter to disassociate, but she knew it had something to do with his leg. Right now, they had less than an hour before they were going to leave and Peter was currently trapped inside his head. Natasha decided to try something that she had read about. She had never helped anyone through disassociation before, but she had an idea what to do, as she had been through it personally and knew how scary it was.

She took a deep breath, stood up and proceeded to get a small plaster for his leg. When she found a plaster, her eyes focussed on Peter's toothbrush which was thrown haphazardly in the sink. She frowned for a second and took a mental note of it - as it was unlike Peter to not put things away, then she knelt down by Peter, and quickly put the plaster over the wound and took his hands in her own. She pulled him so he was sat in between her legs on her lap and she ran her fingers through his hair as she rocked him slowly from side to side.

‘маленький паук, can you feel this?’ She purposefully used her fingers to run down Peter’s scalp, soothingly as she continued speaking. No reaction, apart from a small twitch in his left hand. Natasha racked her brain and tried something else. She reached up to the sink, got a face cloth and wet it slightly with warm water and gently wiped the tears from Peter’s face, humming softly, as she did so. Natasha repeated this process for a few minutes, until all of a sudden, Peter took a large inhale and his eyes darted upwards at Natasha and then at his leg. He started to panic and hyperventilate. Natasha immediately spun him around, then took his face in her hands and talked gently but kindly to him, as his eyes widened and he started to breathe even more erratically.

‘Peter, relax, you’re fine. You’re in the Avengers Compound, with me and everything is ok. Shhh….there you go. Big breath in, 2, 3, 4, then out, 2, 3, 4. Do it again. Well done, good boy.’ She praised as she carried on coaching Peter into breathing normally again. After 10 minutes or so, he fell forward into her embrace and cuddled close to her, breathing normally.

‘маленький паук?’ Peter buried his head into her chest and shook his head.

‘R…rainbow.’ He mumbled and Natasha felt her heart clench.

‘You want to tell me what happened Pete?’ Peter sat up and looked at her, no longer crying, but he looked miserable.

‘I…I brushed my teeth and I slipped and m…my leg…it reminded m…me of w…when I…’ He trailed off and Natasha frowned, trying to figure out what happened; then all the pieces fit together and she smiled sympathetically at him.

‘You slipped, hurt your leg and it reminded you of a time when you hurt yourself on purpose.’ She stated, and Peter nodded sadly.

‘Nothing to be ashamed of kid, we’ve all been there with PTSD and flashbacks, you aren’t alone. Disassociation is really scary – I’ve had it but have never tried to get anyone else out of it, when they’re having it. Can I ask where you were?’ Peter nodded and leant back against her, relaxing slightly when he felt her fingers run through his hair.

‘I was in my old room, M…May was at work. I’d ha…had a bad day at school and I was holding a knife I’d st…stolen from the science department at school. I remember slicing o…open my a..arms and l…legs an…and I fel…felt s…so al…alone… and y…you we…wer…weren’t th…there… no-one wa…was the…there to st…stop m…me.’ He started to breathe quickly again and Natasha immediately coached him through the breathing exercise, until his breaths were back to normal.

‘Peter. It was just an old memory and nothing like that will ever happen again. I will always be here for you and you are the one in control. When you slipped, it was an accident and I am so fucking proud that you didn’t do that cut to your leg on purpose. You’ve come so far in the past few months, weeks, hell even days, and I will be here for you every step of the way. We’re going to beat this together.’

‘How do you know?’ Peter asked miserably. Natasha tilted his chin upwards slightly, so he was looking at her in the eyes and she gave him a kind smile.

‘I know because I’m your mom and it’s a well renowned fact, that moms know everything.’ She stated simply. Peter giggled softly and gave her a big hug, which she gladly returned and kissed the top of his head. Natasha smiled, then helped him to stand up, then led him into his bedroom.

‘Everyone’s chilling in the living room as we leave pretty soon. Are you all ready to go downstairs now?’ Peter nodded and he picked his suitcase up, as they walked through his bedroom and Natasha looked at him and smirked.

‘Good, because we need to go and hide Clint’s suitcase when he isn’t looking – it’s a holiday tradition.’


	24. Quinjet pranks

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers are on their way to the holiday house in Maui, but the flight is making Peter bored - what will he do to make the journey a little more interesting???:)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone - there's only 2 more chapters left after this one!! I hope you enjoy them! The story will be finished by the end of next week! I can't believe I've written 26 chapters!   
> Also I know that the flight time to Hawaii is like 9 hours, but Tony has a Jet, so in my mind it would only be like a 5 hour flight lol!  
> Thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!! I loved writing this chapter!  
> Stay Strong 
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3 xx

Peter was bored. They had been flying for over five hours and he was pretty sure that he was about to die of boredom. He was currently shuffling around in his comfy seat on the Quinjet and he sighed, then turned to look at everyone who had come to Tony’s Holiday House with them. Steve and Bucky were watching an old Romantic Comedy on a laptop, sitting next to Wanda, Bruce and Sam who were in a very heated game of UNO. Natasha was curled up opposite Peter, reading a Russian book, next to Clint who was asleep and had headphones on. Tony was sat next to Peter and was talking to Rhodey about new suit updates. Thor and Vision were talking about possible Earth threats in the near future and Peter groaned at everyone’s ideas to pass the time. He knew there was only probably another 45 minutes or so max, until they were there, but he was so bored and honestly didn’t think he could make it that long, because he thought he was going to die from boredom.

‘What’s up маленький паук?’ Peter turned to look at Natasha who was glaring at him amusedly from the top of her book, eyebrow quirked. He sighed.

‘I’m so bored!’ Dramatically he threw his head back, so it rested on the top of his seat, as if to exaggerate his point of dying of boredom. This resulted in a small chuckle from Natasha, who put her book down on her lap and leant forward.

‘What do you want to do then kid?’ Peter frowned. He hadn’t actually thought of what he wanted to do, except for the fact that he knew he was definitely bored. He had only brought 5 comic books and wasn’t allowed to read them on the plane because he might get travel sick, everyone else was busy and there wasn’t really much to do on a Quinjet, apart from watch movies, which he didn’t feel like doing.

Seemingly understanding his internal struggle, Natasha raised her eyebrow and gestured for Peter to lean forward, then she whispered something in his ear, which immediately gained a shit-eating grin from him and multiple nods. She whispered something else to him and he nodded impatiently then all but ran to the bathroom.

Tony turned from talking to Rhodey and looked at Peter’s retreating figure and then turned to Natasha, who had her head back in her book.

‘Nat?’

She looked up and feigned being annoyed at being interrupted, whilst reading. ‘What do you want Tony? It better be good, because I want to find out what happens to the dead ghost.’ She deadpanned.

‘Where did Peter just go? Is he alright?’ She smiled at Tony who looked genuinely worried and waved him off.

‘He’s just peachy. I gave him a little job to do to stop him from being bored.’ Tony sighed and ran a hand down his face.

‘Will it affect me or the Quinjet in any way or make me mad?’

Natasha shook her head amusedly. ‘No, no and it depends. How do you feel about bombs?’

Tony’s eyes widened. ‘I don’t feel good about bombs Natasha, we’re on a fucking jet! What have you done?! I swear to God if Peter blows himself up…’ Natasha laughed and interjected quickly, seeing a huge Tony sized rant coming up.

‘Don’t worry, I was joking. Just wait and see, it’s completely harmless. Look here’s the Kid now.’ Peter bounded up to Natasha, holding a tray covered up by a teatowel and he winked at her, she winked back and pretended to stretch, ‘accidentally’ whacking Clint over the head with her book in the process.

‘What the hell?!’

‘Oh, sorry Clint, didn’t see you there.’ Natasha smiled not at all apologetically, as Peter burst into laughter at Clint’s angry expression.

‘How the holy fuck could you not see that I was sleeping next to you…’ He checked his watch. ‘…as I have been for the past 5 hours?!’ Peter had to bite his lip from laughing, as Natasha shrugged and he slid into his seat, watching Clint get up angrily and storm off to the bathroom.

‘Go time kiddo.’ Natasha instructed and Peter nodded, then took off the teatowel to reveal a large plate of oreos, which he put on the coffee table in front of them all. Natasha put her hand out to stop Rhodey and Tony from taking one, looking at them sternly. They both looked confused and Tony opened his mouth to say something, when there was a huge shriek from the bathroom and an even angrier and very wet Cint stormed out, glaring at Natasha.

‘The tap is meant for your hands Barton, not your entire body – haven’t you ever heard of a shower?’ Natasha quipped and then ducked as he aimed a towel at her head.

‘Bet you think you’re super clever, huh Romanoff? Putting duct tape on the tap, child’s move.’

‘Yeah well, you didn’t figure it out.’ She replied smoothly, gaining a scowl from Clint.

‘Just you wait, I’ll get you back for this.’ Clint muttered, shaking his head and spraying droplets of water everywhere as he trudged back to his seat, sat down and took an oreo. Peter was looking at him very intently through the corner of his eye, as his pretended to look out of the window.

‘What’s up squirt?’ Peter shrugged as Clint raised an eyebrow, then shrugged too and took a large bite of an oreo.

‘BLEURGH! WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?!!’ Both Peter and Natasha burst out into wild laughter as Tony and Rhodey smirked at the childish prank and Clint’s bright red face, as he ran off to the bathroom to wash his mouth out.

‘3, 2, 1.’ Natasha managed to say through gasping breaths, as they all heard a loud yell from the bathroom and an even wetter Clint emerge, looking mutinous. 

By this point, all the commotion had gained the attention of the rest of the Avengers, who had gathered that Clint had been pranked and were all giggling or laughing openly at his very wet appearance.

‘TH…THAT W…WAS…AM…AMA…AMAZING!’ Peter managed through his hysterical laughter. Natasha nodded as she was physically holding her sides by this point as she struggled for breath, laughing wildly. Tony was also laughing, alongside Rhodey who was nodding approvingly at the double prank.

‘Clint? Why are you wet? I was not informed that there was a shower on board the ship?’ Thor asked innocently looking at Clint’s wet outfit, completely oblivious to the pranks. Everyone apart from Clint, burst into renewed laughter as he angrily flipped the bird to Thor and stormed off to his seat, crossed his arms and glared at Natasha and Peter who were still laughing.

Tony was the first to regain his sense of composure and looked amusedly at the pair, who were still trying to catch their breath.

‘What just happened!?’ Tony asked as Natasha finally took a deep breath and stopped laughing, although she was smirking at Clint, who was staring determinedly at his shoes and was muttering ‘traitors, everywhere, can’t trust anyone anymore.’

‘That was a stroke of genius. Do you want to tell them kid?’ She gestured to Peter, who nodded enthusiastically.

‘Yeah! Ok, so Mom said I should prank someone - because it’s a great way to stop feeling bored. She chose Clint, because he’s the easiest to prank and he was asleep – so he’d need the toilet when he woke up, and she told me how to do the tap trick.’ Peter explained.

‘The toothpaste in the oreos was a stroke of genius though kid.’ Natasha said seriously and grinned as Peter laughed at Clint’s hurt expression.

‘I’ll get you both back for this.’ Clint said a mischievous glint in his eyes, as the pair burst into laughter again. Tony smiled and walked to the bathroom and removed the duct-tape from the tap, then walked up to the front of the Jet and talked quickly to Friday. All of a sudden there was a loud announcement from Tony, who at some point had acquired a microphone and pretty much everyone jumped in shock.

‘Hello: superheroes, assassins, green rage monster, robot, enhanced peoples and demi-God - this is your 10 minute warning, please collect your luggage and buckle in for the descent. Welcome to Hawaii.’


	25. Maui Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Avengers arrive in Maui and have a funfilled first day, but despite being around his family, will Peter's demons make a reappearance and come back to haunt him????

It was the afternoon of the first day in Maui and all the Avengers were either in the pool – challenging each other to races, or sitting by the pool - sunbathing, drinking cocktails and talking happily. Peter was leisurely reading one of his comic books and was dipping his feet into the shallow end of the pool; every now and then, he could be seen subtly looking longingly at Clint and Sam, who were now attempting handstands in the middle of the pool. Nobody noticed, except of course for the trained assassin, who leaned over and muttered something to Tony who raised his eyebrows and then nodded in understanding.

‘Hey bud, you ok?’ Peter looked up from his comic book and shielded his eyes from the sun, then saw Tony’s face, as he walked towards him and he smiled happily.

‘Yep.’ He said, popping the ‘p’, as Tony nodded, then slid into the pool, arms open wide, like he was going to catch something…or someone….Peter’s eyes widened in realisation at Tony’s gesture. He started to shake his head frantically and looked to Natasha for help, who got up and walked over to him, smiling kindly.

‘No…no…no thanks, honestly…I…I’m fine re…reading my comic d…dad.’ Peter stuttered and hid his face behind his comic book, which was gently but quickly pulled out of his grasp by a familiar red head. Natasha flung his comic book into the middle of the pool – which Tony easily caught before it hit the water and held it high above his head, smirking playfully.

‘You want your comic kid? Come and get it.’ Peter felt his heart thud in his chest as he looked down at the shallow water. In all fairness, he knew that nobody would let him drown and it was better to be taught in a pool – with walls, than go into the sea and be carried away if he couldn’t swim. He knew that neither Tony nor Natasha, or any of the Avengers would let him into the sea without a lot of armbands if he told them he couldn’t swim, which he was fine with, as he was very afraid of drowning. He looked accusingly at Natasha who shrugged and kissed the top of his head, then winked at him.

‘You never said that I couldn’t tell anyone that you never learnt how to swim kiddo. Don’t worry, there’s only like a 12% chance you’ll die.’ Peter’s eyes widened to a comical amount and Natasha laughed softly.

‘Just joking Pete, you’ll be fine – Tony won’t let anything happen to you, neither will any of us, ok?’ She squeezed his shoulder reassuringly and went back over to her sunbed. By this point, the rest of the group had heard sections of the conversation and unbeknownst to Peter, Steve and Bucky were walking quietly behind him and stood next to Natasha, talking quietly, as Peter looked at Tony hesitantly.

‘S…shouldn’t I be wearing floaties or something? Yano, incase I drown?’ He asked seriously as he kicked the water slightly, already feeling his nerves get the better of him. Peter missed Tony grin and nod at Steve, as he was too busy looking at the water, but then he lifted his head to meet his adoptive father’s eyes and to his surprise, Tony laughed and shook his head fondly.

‘Probably, but you aren’t 6 and I didn’t bring any, so looks like you’ll be learning the old fashioned way today bud.’ Peter raised an eyebrow and then shrieked as he felt muscular hands hoist him up into the air and throw him into the middle of the pool.

Peter screamed in horror and surprise as he flew through the air and instinctively took a deep breath as he felt himself crashing into the water, with a loud _‘splash’._

One of Peter’s goals was to learn how to swim, sure, but in all his imagines about how that would occur – none of his ideas or hopes in learning how to swim, was that he would essentially be yeeted into the middle of a pool in Maui in blistering heat, by non other than Captain America himself, in front of the entire assemble of Avengers.

‘You good kid?’ Gasping for breath, Peter furiously tried to tread the water, to keep his head above it as he came up for breath. He started coughing loudly with a scowl on his face as he looked to where he’d been sitting and where Steve and Bucky were standing with large grins on their faces.

‘NO I’m not good! I almost DIED! What the hell Mr Rogers?!’ Tony burst out laughing and gestured to Peters body.

‘Kid, you’re swimming.’ Peter looked down and sure enough, he’d been in the pool for about a minute and wasn’t drowning. He looked surprised and Tony once again laughed, then swam over to him and held the top of his arm and led him to the shallower end, which was deep enough that he still couldn’t stand up in the water, as his toes skimmed the bottom of the pool, but Tony could stand up, and he led Peter over to the side, where he held onto the side of the pool for dear life.

‘Why couldn’t I have floaties?!’ Peter moaned as Tony smirked and smiled at Steve and Bucky who were walking down the steps and back into the pool, to join them.

‘Sorry son, we just thought that a more hands on approach would be better. That’s how most of us were taught anyway.’ Steve said somewhat apologetically as he followed Bucky down the steps into the pool. Sam and Clint also nodded - who had swum over, to join Peter and Tony in the middle of the pool too.

‘Right. We’re all going to teach you how to properly swim, now that you know you won’t drown.’ Clint said smirking, as Peter shook his head and huffed.

‘I didn’t know that!’ He whined and to prove his point, he hit the water with his hand. Everyone laughed.

‘That’s the point kiddo – natural instincts take over and now you know you won’t drown, it’s time we teach you how to swim properly – just like Legolas said.’

Peter looked at Tony and stated boldly. ‘Mom told me how Mr Barton taught his kids to swim and it didn’t involve throwing them into the water! You used floaties with them!’ He turned to Clint, who smirked. ‘That was the version that I told Laura – my wife, the real version was that I was bored of using the Princess and Pixar floaties, so I popped them with an arrow and threw Lila and Coop into the water and paid them $20 not to tell their mom. Natasha doesn’t know that part, she just knew the floaties story.’ Peter’s mouth fell open and he shrieked in shock as Steve suddenly picked him up and wrapped his arms around him, pulling him from the water, so he was suspended in the air

‘Right son, you ready?’

‘No! No I want to get out!’ Peter wailed, thrashing from Steve’s grip. Clint looked at Tony, who looked at Peter sympathetically.

‘Peter, I’ve already told you that we aren’t going to let anything happen to you, but you’ve got to trust us to teach you, ok? If you really want out, then you can go, otherwise, you can be brave and we’ll teach you how to swim.’ Tony said kindly and reached over to pat Peter’s shoulder. Bucky, Clint, Sam and Steve all nodded from the water and smiled reassuringly at Peter, who took a deep breath and nodded in resignation.

***

Two hours later, when everyone was all pruney and tired, Peter could finally keep himself afloat for longer than a few minutes and was happily swimming – albeit it splashing everywhere, down the length of the pool and back. Natasha had come to sit by the side halfway through, when Peter had started to get a bit panicky when he fell under, but luckily Bucky quickly dove in and brought him up and the rest of them managed to coax him into giving it another go.

‘Super proud of you squirt!’ Clint praised as he high-fived Peter, who gave him a huge grin back.

‘We all are Peter. See, when you put your mind to it, you can do anything.’ Steve said, giving Peter a kind smile and a hair ruffle.

‘Legolas and Capsicle are right. I think I speak for everyone here, when I say well done bud Now, you’re a pruney mess, so time to get out kiddo.’ Tony smiled as everyone nodded in unison, then he gave Peter a hug and led him up the pool steps, to Natasha who had a large fluffy towel waiting for him. She bundled him up, despite his protests of not being a baby.

‘’m not a baby! St’p it mom!’ He wriggled free from Natasha’s grasp for all of 0.3 seconds before she grabbed his upper arm and put the towel back over him to dry him off, ignoring his childish protests.

‘Stop whining Pete, you’re not helping the baby case there kiddo.’ Tony said as Peter pouted and stuck his tongue out – much to the amusement of everyone else nearby, who had decided to situate themselves around the luxurious garden. The garden was large, but not too big – so everyone could pretty much hear each other if they spoke loud enough and because of how warm it was, nearly everyone was on the sunbeds by this point anyway and were talking happily, drinking cold beverages - except for Clint and Bucky who were still in the pool.

Peter was finally deemed dry enough by Natasha and she handed him one of his birthday Disney Science themed t-shirts, which he put on happily and he then flopped down onto a spare sunbed next to hers. Tony shook his head fondly and walked over to Rhodey and Bruce, sitting next to them to discuss the latest developments on a mission that Fury had assigned for the following week – about another hydra base that he had found.

After a BBQ and a lazy evening around the pool, telling old mission stories and roasting s’mores, Peter settled down on a reclining sunbed next to Natasha, as it started to get dark and he yawned. Natasha slung an arm over him and he snuggled closer to her and ssighed in contentment, listening to the palm trees rustling fainting and the warm breeze which tickled his face. He could hear the talking of everyone around him and he felt loved, happy, warm and safe. He closed his eyes and his breathing evened out, all his anxieties about himself and the past few months melted away, then before he knew it, he had fallen asleep, listening to the sounds of his family around him.

***

_Peter woke up in the middle of a forest. He was alone, or so he thought. He looked around and started walking through the forest, tripping up every now and then on branches, until he came into a clearing._

_Flicking his wrists experimentally, he also saw that he didn’t have his powers, what had happened? Maybe he’d been drugged and kidnapped? What if the kidnappers came back, or worse, what if nobody was coming?_

_‘Hello? Is anyone there? Where am I?’_

_He bit his lip and started to hyperventilate. Peter knew that he needed to call Tony or Natasha, so he reached into his pockets, searching for a phone or anything that would help him, but his pockets were completely empty. Suddenly feeling very exposed, with nothing to defend himself with, his face scrunched up as he tried not to break down. He took gasping breaths in an effort to calm himself down and he was about to just sit there and wait for something to happen, until he heard a rustling sound behind him. He whipped around and came face to face with a sight that made him want to cry. Two very familiar figures were leaning against a giant oak tree, staring at Peter with empty expressions._

_‘Uncle B…Ben? Auntie Ma…May?’ Looking up into their slightly blood stained faces, he felt a few tears leak down his face as the familiar loss and grief welled up inside him._

_He didn’t know what he was expecting, but what happened next was definitely not it. Peter sniffled and ran forward to give them both a hug, but their empty expressions turned into scowls and he stopped in his tracks, looking at them hesitantly, as Ben pointed a finger accusingly at him._

_‘Why did you replace us?’ Ben asked in a hollow voice, staring penetratingly through Peter, who’s breath hitched as May started talking immediately after, her voice emotionless and firm._

_‘Got yourself a mom and dad didn’t you? Not one regard to us though – the people who raised your useless ass for 14 years. You killed Ben and then you left me to die too, but now you’re living the life aren’t you? Got a billionaire for a dad and an assassin for a mother – just wait until they kick you out because they realise what a disappointment you are.’ Peter stared at her in horror and shook his head rapidly._

_‘May?! H…how coul…could…you…s…say…that? I…I d…don’t und….understand! I miss y…you a…and…B…Ben…ev…everyd…day! I’ve…n…not…rep…replaced y…you!’_

_Both his Aunt and Uncle smiled, a horrible malicious smile, that Peter had never once seen on their faces in his life and he felt himself break apart inside at the sight of it. They both laughed as he fell onto the ground and wept._

_‘Useless Peter Parker, the orphan who will never have a proper family. I bet the only reason you’re on this holiday is because they’re getting ready to ship you off to boarding school so they don’t have to put up with you anymore.’ Ben said, laughing at Peter who cried louder and averted his gaze from those empty eyes._

_‘S…stop! P…P…PLEASE…ST…STOP!’ He shouted through his tears, as they continued to speak in turn._

_‘Look at you, still punishing yourself, but you’ll never be punished enough for what you did to us. This won’t last Peter, because you’re always going to end up alone and you know it. Spiderman can’t save you now, because even you can’t save yourself from yourself.’ May taunted, as Peter shook his head, feeling tears stream endlessly down his face. He felt a sudden pain in his wrist and a weight in his hand and realised that he was holding a razor, which was dripping blood onto the leafy ground…his blood._

_‘No! NO! I d…didn’t! I w…wouldn’t d…do…th…tha…that…a…again! MOM! I NEED YOU MOM! NATASHA PLEASE! SAVE ME MOM! PLEASE! NO! NO! HELP ME! MOM! DAD! TONY!’_

_‘Hey kid, over here.’ Peter turned his head at the familiar voice of his adopted father but saw the same emptiness in his eyes and his face scrunched up as he felt his heart break, as he listened to Tony._

_‘Sorry kid, but you’ve got too much baggage and you can’t be a proper superhero if you’re slicing yourself open. The whole adoption thing was a massive prank – you didn’t really think that we’d do all this for a worthless piece of shit like you, did you? If you did, then you’re a bigger waste of time than I thought. Can’t have a burden and a disappointment as a son.’ Natasha cleared her throat from behind Peter and he turned to face her, tears streaming down his face as he felt his heart shatter into a million pieces. He ran over and tried to hug her, to get any form of comfort, but she simply laughed and pushed him hard, so he fell on the ground with an audible ‘thud’ and then she reached down and pushed the razor deeper into his palm and closed his fingers over it._

_‘Silly to think that after all this time, you thought that I meant everything I’d said to you. As if I’d ever want to be the adopted mother of a freak. I can’t stand you. You’re annoying, stupid and so worthless. How could I want to adopt someone like you? Why don’t you do us all a favour and take yourself out of the picture, so we don’t have to.’ Peter screamed out loud and threw the razor away, but he found that it was attached to his hand and he couldn’t let go; he pulled himself into a ball on the ground and screamed._

_‘NO! NO! PLEASE STOP! HELP ME! NO! NO! NO!’_

_The four of them walked towards each other and stopped at the edge of the clearing, near Peter and laughed at him, as he screamed and cried, trying desperately to free himself from the razor in a fruitless attempt, their taunting laughter ringing in his ears. Peter could barely see through his tears by this point, but his eyes darted around the clearing, as many different shaped figures suddenly appeared – the Avengers, all dressed in Uniform, baring weapons, which his Aunt and Uncle and Natasha and Tony had been handed too. They all turned to face him and walked menacingly towards him, eyes blank and emotionless, but all smiling the same evil smile. Peter couldn’t think through the throbbing in his wrist and the pain of his heart shattering into a million pieces._

_‘NO! NO! ST…STOP! MAY! BEN! NO! IM SORRY! NO PLEASE STOP! I COULDN’T SAVE YOU! NO! MOM! DAD! NO! PLEASE D…DON’T! I’M SORRY! NO! NO! HELP ME!’_

‘-TER! PETER!’

Peter’s eyes flew open as he let out a heart-wrenching scream and bolted upright, tears cascading down his cheeks as his heart thundered in his chest. He barely recognised that he was in his temporary bedroom in the holiday house and was currently writhing in his sweaty bedsheets, breathing heavily. Looking around frantically, his eyes locked onto a familiar red head and this only increased his anxiety. He screamed and backed up against something hard, shaking his head rapidly as he buried his face in his hands, screaming and crying and kicking his feet in Natasha’s general direction, in an effort to get away from her.

‘Hey, hey! Little Spider, shhhhh, it’s alright, I’m here, I’ve got you. You’re safe.’

Natasha had taken Peter up to bed a few hours prior and had gone inside to make herself a cocktail, before going back outside to join the others – who were now all dressed in loungewear in the garden (as it wasn’t very warm anymore), in the middle of a very tense game of Cards of Humanity, before she heard an all too familiar scream, coming from Peter’s room. Naturally, as she was the only one inside, she ran up to his bedroom and saw that he was in the middle of by the looks of it, a very horrible nightmare. When he suddenly bolted upright and tried to get away from her, she was completely confused at his reaction – sure it was dark in Peter’s room, but Friday (which of course Tony had set up in the holiday house), had the lights at 30% so it wasn’t too dark and she had comforted him from many nightmares before... She ignored this for now and focussed on calming him down.

She put her hands in a placating gesture out in front of her and walked towards the bed slowly. When she touched his shoulders, he let out an ear-piercing scream, which broke her heart and he practically leapt off his bed and slid under it in the space of a few seconds, at the furthest end of the bed, away from Natasha. She had never seen Peter react like this before and if she was honest, she had no idea what do to.

‘Friday? Put Ludovico Einaudi Primevera on please at 15% volume and lights at 65%.’ She instructed softly, kneeling down to Peter’s level, who had curled himself into a small ball under his bed and was visibly shaking by this point. The music immediately started playing at a gentle soothing volume and Natasha noticed the sudden change in Peter’s trembling – which had slowed down considerably.

‘Peter?’

No response, only loud sobs and hitching breaths. Natasha sighed and debated calling for Clint – who had had experience with his own kids after nightmares and things, but she decided to try and deal with it by herself first. She knew that he needed to come out from under the bed, before a full on panic attack started, so she reached under the bed and took hold of his shoulders, gently but firmly, in an effort to ground him and quickly but gently pulled him out into the middle of the bedroom. He started screaming again, then kicked and almost managed to kick Natasha in the face, but she sensed his movements and caught his feet mid-kick and gently put her own on his, so he couldn’t kick anymore.

‘NO! NO! STOP! I’M SORRY! NO! NO! NO!’ He screamed and thrashed around on the carpeted floor, trying to get away from Natasha’s strong hands.

After a few more minutes of Peter screaming, gasping for breath and trying desperately to wriggle out of Natasha’s grasp – which she assumed the only reason that he couldn’t, was because he was so distraught and so his full strength wasn’t being used; he finally fell limp and moved his hands from his face, looking up at Natasha with big brown doe eyes, as tears flooded down his cheeks. She saw his chest rise and fall quicker and quicker as he looked her in the eyes and immediately she cupped his face with her hands and pulled him close to her chest as she rocked him back and forth, in an effort to comfort him.

‘Shhhh маленький паук. Everything is alright, I promise. It’s ok, shhh, shhhhh. Kid, I need you to breathe, otherwise you’re going to pass out, ok? Big breath in 2, 3, 4 and then out 2, 3, 4. In 2, 3, 4 and then out 2, 3, 4.’

Peter squeezed his eyes closed and tried to block out the haunting faces from his nightmare that seemed to be ingrained on his eyes, as he listened to Natasha’s voice.

_‘‘Если жизнь тебя обманет, Не печалься, не сердись! В день уныния смирись: День веселья, верь, настанет. Сердце в будущем живет; Настоящее уныло: Всё мгновенно, всё пройдет; Что пройдет, то будет мило.’_

Trying to focus on Natasha’s voice proved a lot harder than he originally thought it would be, as he breathed in her familiar flowery smell and clutched her top tightly, as she held him and sang. However, despite his best efforts, all Peter could see were images from his nightmare and the ringing of the hurtful voices in his ears that were becoming louder than Natasha’s lullaby. He felt himself losing control and he couldn’t calm himself down.

Peter’s sudden quick breathing and sobs, roused Natasha from her song and she looked down and she inwardly groaned as she saw his lips start to tint blue as his eyes glazed over slightly.

‘маленький паук, I need you to calm down for me. You’re safe and it’s just me and you here, ok? Deep breath in, 2, 3, 4 and out 2, 3, 4. Watch me and copy my breathing. No, Peter, in and out – just like me. Come on, I know you can beat this kid. See how my chest is rising and falling? Peter, if you don’t breathe, you’re going to pass out.’ Natasha put one of his hands firmly on her chest to help him to copy her breathing.

‘M…mom? I…it’s…my…f…ault. I…I…I’m…s…s…so…sorry.’ He managed through his sobs and Natasha shook her head firmly.

‘Yeah, it’s me детка. Don’t try to talk yet, focus on your breathing. In 2, 3, 4 and then out, 2, 3, 4. Good, well done. Keep going, listen to my voice kiddo.’ Natasha coached him for a few minutes through his breathing until she was satisfied that he wouldn’t pass out, as it started to turn to a normal pace. She sighed in relief at the colour making its way back into his face and she stroked a hand through his sweaty curls as he sobbed into her chest.

A few more minutes later, Peter had finally calmed down, but silent tears were still trickling down his cheeks. He looked up at Natasha and sniffled miserably, in return she gave him a soft smile, but his face crumpled and he then hid his face into her chest again.

‘Do you want to talk about it?’ Natasha asked tentatively, carding her fingers through his hair. She felt him nod against her chest, so she gently lifted him onto the bed and positioned them both down into a more comfortable position on the bed, so they were sitting against the headboard, then she draped the duvet over them both. Peter clung to her like a koala and she felt her top getting wet with the force of his cries.

Natasha sat him in her lap, as he clung to her, rocking him back and forth in what she hoped was a soothing manner, as she waited patiently for him to compose himself enough to tell her what his nightmare was about.

‘I…I had a nightmare a…and I’m s….scared.’ Natasha nodded in understanding and continued to rub his back, as he sniffled miserably.

‘I dreamt th…that I was in a forest a…and Uncle Ben and Aunt M…May were there but they hated me and blamed me…said I’d re…replaced them. Th…they said…they said that you w…were going to send me to boarding school and I c…cut myself b…but I…I…didn’t m…mean to…!’ He wailed and burst into tears again. Natasha felt her heart clench for him and by this point, Peter was sobbing into her chest, as she quietly shushed him.

‘…a…and then yo…you and d…dad s…said it w…was a joke an…and…burden…worthless…y…you pushed m…me and… the…razor… I c…couldn’t g…get awa…away from it and ev….everyone tr….tried to k…kill me!’

Peter was no longer talking in full sentences, but Natasha pieced together what he was trying to say, then she inhaled sharply and just sat in silence for a few moments, whilst Peter cried into her chest. She planted tiny kisses to the top of his head and continued rocking him back and forth. When she heard Peter’s cries turn to hitching breaths, she lifted his chin up and looked him in the eyes.

‘First of all, that nightmare sounded horrible and I’ve had some belters of a nightmare before. Secondly, the good thing about nightmares, is that they aren’t true…’ She looked at Peter pointedly, as silent tears trickled down his face and gently tapped his little red nose, which gained a small sad smile from him.

‘…Thirdly, we would never ever send you to boarding school, so don’t even entertain that thought. Also, you are not worthless, or a burden or anything else that you were called in your dream. The ‘joke’, was about the adoption – am I right?’ Peter nodded miserably and sniffled; Natasha held him tighter.

‘I can a million percent guarantee you that the adoption was not a joke or a trick or anything. We love you Peter and you are our amazing son – kind, gentle and so so loved. You have a lot of baggage, but we all do too and we would never hate you for that or want to get rid of you…’

‘…b…but..’ Peter interrupted and Natasha gently pressed a finger against his lips and gently chastised him.

‘No buts Pete. I didn’t know your Aunt well and I didn’t have the honour of meeting your Uncle, but I do know that your Aunt and Uncle wouldn’t think that you’ve replaced them, they’d be happy to know that you’ve found yourself a family who love you and support you. You know that even though you’re going through some issues right now, you are getting better and we are all here for you every step of the way. I would never not want to help you, you’re my little маленький паук and I am so proud of you and you can always talk to me and tell me anything, you know that.’ She gave him a soft smile and he nodded and yawned.

‘S…sorry mom, I didn’t m…mean to freak out like that.’ Natasha shook her head. ‘Don’t apologise for having a nightmare kid, it’s completely fine, I promise.’ She said firmly as Peter finally relaxed against her chest and rubbed his eyes tiredly. She wiped a stray tear from his cheek and reached behind the headboard and pressed Peter’s teddybear into his arms. She gave him a kiss on the top of his head and tucked him in, then made to leave, but she felt a small hand grab her wrist. She quirked an eyebrow at him and Peter looked up at her with pleading eyes.

‘P…please don’t leave me mom.’ He begged, tears forming at his eyes again and Natasha instantly repositioned herself so they were both cuddled underneath the duvet. Peter immediately curled up close to her, breathing in her familiar flowery perfume, rubbing his back in circles.

‘I will never leave you маленький паук.’

Peter felt his eyes growing heavy and he made a sound of contentment, before his breath quickly evened out and he fell asleep, listening to the sounds of Natasha singing softly to him.


	26. Maui Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Final Chapter!
> 
> The last day of Maui is here and lots of chaos ensues! Water fights, Ziplining and a lot of fluff at the end<3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everyone!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who stuck around to the end. I will be starting a new fic soon, that will be a lot more indepth about mental health issues than this one was and probably more in character, but will surround Nat and Peter again as I love to imagine how their relationship would have been.
> 
> I have loved writing this, but I thought this was the perfect ending.  
> A special shout out to starkcontrast, LilRacka and Hope_06, for commenting on many of the chapters!  
> Thank you so much for every comment, read and kudos - it's what inspired me to make this into a proper fic! I hope you enjoy the final chapter <3
> 
> Stay Strong and stay tuned!
> 
> MarvelObsessedgirl3  
> xx

The next morning, Peter blearily opened his eyes and saw Natasha fast asleep next to him, a look of content on her face. He sighed and yawned, then the events of the night caught up to him and he felt his anxiety increase. Taking a few deep breaths, he sat up and tried to remember everything that Natasha had told him; he felt his teddy bear next to him and running his fingers along its familiar fur after a few moments, he felt himself growing calmer. He rubbed his eyes tiredly and held his bear out in front of him and made it ‘dance’ around on his lap – thinking about what Tony might have planned out for the day; sometimes it was nice, allowing himself to be a child – not just Spiderman and Peter smiled as he felt happier.

‘Morning маленький паук.’

Peter turned and looked at Natasha who was watching him amusedly and he blushed slightly before giggling as she pulled him in for a hug.

‘Morning mom!’ He grinned as she playfully tapped his nose and sat up.

‘How did you sleep?’ Peter looked at her and smiled softly. ‘Good after you stayed with me. Thank you, yano for helping and stuff…I’m really sorry…’ He trailed off and started playing with the edge of the duvet – a nervous habit, Natasha noticed.

‘Don’t be silly Kid. It’s part of the whole parenting thing and I really don’t mind. Nothing to be sorry for.’ Peter gave her a big hug, then jumped off the bed and started getting dressed for the day. She smiled, then checked the time and her phone – which had somehow made its way onto the dresser and she opened a new text from Clint.

**_*Private Messages in group chat ‘The 2 best Assassins.’_ **

**_Spy#2:_ ** _Brought your phone up when you didn’t turn up for the end of the game last night – found you all cuddled up next to your Kid – don’t think that I didn’t take photographic proof for blackmail purposes Red_ _😉_ _also, join us all for brekkie when you both wake up #parentlife x_

**_Natsuperspy:_ ** _Don’t forget that I’ve got lots of blackmail pictures of you Barton_ _😉_ _Thanks – we’ll come down in a few minutes. What’s the plan for today? Xo_

**_Spy#2:_ ** _how could I forget – you remind me whenever I piss you off :/ it’s a surprise ahaha_

**_Natsuperspy:_ ** _it’s Ziplining isn’t it_

**_Spy#2:_ ** _How do you do that_

**_Natsuperspy:_ ** _I know everything I’m basically omnipresent and I just hacked into his emails and saw the confirmation one dated today_

**_Spy#2:_ ** _fairs – better hurry up before all the waffles are gone tho_

**_Natsuperspy:_ ** _you wouldn’t dare_

**_Spy#2:_ ** _oh I would_

**_Natsuperspy:_ ** _Have you forgotten the incident in 2009, whilst we were on a mission in China? Maybe I should show everyone???_

**_Spy#2:_ ** _:O no way have you got footage of that_

**_Natsuperspy:_ ** _Try me Barton_ _😉_

**_Spy#2:_ ** _…_

**_Spy#2:_ ** _how many waffles do you want_

**_Natsuperspy:_ ** _2 please and then 4 for the Kid – thanks xo_

Peter ran to the bedroom door, fully dressed and looked at Natasha, who put her phone down and ran her hand down her face, yawning.

‘I’ll meet you downstairs Kiddo – make sure you get Barton to save me some waffles.’ Peter nodded and immediately ran off.

‘NO RUNNING IN THE HOUSE!’ Natasha called after him and she laughed as she heard a distinctive groan and footsteps which instantly slowed down.

‘Maybe I’m not too bad at this parenting thing.’ She mused and went to her own room, to get ready for the day.

***

‘No. No fucking way.’

‘Dude your Superhero outfit has wings on it – what’s so different?!’

‘The fact that I could fall to my death and have NO wings to save me, obviously.’

‘Who’s going first?!’

‘How the hell do I know?’

‘Can’t we just go already?

‘God this sucks, I’m bored and tired.’

‘Shut up Barton, stop moaning.’

‘Right, I’m going first with the Kid, just follow on after us. Steve will push everyone out in turn ok?’

‘No! Not ok! I don’t want to do this! You said we were going sightseeing and A SMALL ZIPLINE!’

‘Yeah, I meant sightseeing from above and to be honest, this is the smallest of all of them – didn’t I mention that Wilson?’

‘NO!’

‘If someone doesn’t go in the next 4 seconds, I’m getting my knife out.’

‘Tasha you can’t just stab people when they annoy you, for fucks sake.’

‘Who said anything about stabbing? I’ll just cut your harness off, see who falls the quickest.’

‘NO!’

‘God, someone just go already, it was a joke.’

‘I’m BORED!’

‘Peter get away from the edge and get your butt over here, if I have to tell you again, you’re going back. I mean it.’

‘Fine, sorry mom.’

‘I don’t want to fall!’

‘Bruce, you’re literally harnessed in!’

‘I don’t care. What’s the other way back?’

‘Walking.’

‘Fuck that.’

The Avengers were currently on the top of a very high cliff top, where Tony had managed to find a large Zipline, that went past the slopes of the Eastern Volcano, through the rainforest and back to near the Holiday House.

They had just spent the better part of 3 hours, hiking up uneven terrain up to the top of the mountain, in blistering heat, under the impression that they were going sightseeing and on a small Zipline. However, now they were all arguing as a few of them (Bruce and Sam) didn’t want to go on the Zipline, after seeing how high up it actually was.

The Zipline Tony had picked, was indeed very high up and went down an incline of 2,107ft, past the Volcanic slopes, through the rainforest below and past the sea. Peter was practically jumping up and down with excitement and a bit of nerves, so much so, that Natasha had demanded that he stand with her, as she was concerned that he would fall off the top, because he was bouncing around so much. They were to go one at a time – despite Wanda and Peter who were going with adults, as Tony was worried that they would forget to press the button to slow down when told – much to their annoyance but they quickly gave in, under the strict looks from Steve, Clint, Tony and Natasha.

‘Ok, me and the Kid will go first. Then Nat and Wanda and then everyone else can go out? Sound good?’ Everyone nodded in unison and got into their respective pairs or stood by themselves in a haphazard line – manned by Steve, who attached Tony and Peter’s harnesses into a larger one, so they were connected.

‘Ok, are you ready?’ Steve asked Tony, but Peter instead yelled ‘YES!’ and nodded eagerly and Steve smiled, then pressed the lever which let them into the air and held them steady at the top.

‘Peter, Tony is steering, so you don’t have access to the buttons of stop, slow down or speed up ok? The buttons will automatically turn off when you get to the end, but it would help if you slowed down before then, just so it isn’t too brutal of a stop. Ready?’ Steve asked again.

Natasha made eye contact with Tony and nodded her head in Peter’s direction, as if checking that he would be ok – which Peter was oblivious to as he was too busy swinging his legs back and forth, as they dangled above the ground.

‘We’ll be fine! Stop mothering us and let’s go!’ Tony exclaimed. Steve shook his head and smirked, then pulled the lever down and the duo shot off down the Zipline – with Peter grinning from ear to ear.

In Peter’s defence, he had never been on a Zipline before and to be fair, after swinging through New York on a web, he thought that it wouldn’t be too fast, but would be enjoyable. This was not the case. He thought that this was going to be his demise. Death of Spiderman by Evil Zipline – what a way to go. Peter felt his heart thump in his chest and started screaming in horror at the oncoming forest floor, when Tony poked his side and his eyes shot open.

‘Kid? You good?!’

Peter nodded but squeezed his eyes shut. ‘Why is it going so f-fast!?’ He asked, gasping as it suddenly flew upwards and he opened his eyes quickly to find them both soaring past miles of Volcanic slopes, as Tony looked around smiling.

‘You literally go at like 60mph as Spidermom in a onesie and this is scaring you?’

‘I can catch myself! This isn’t the same – OH MY GOD WE’RE GOING TO HIT THAT TREE!’ Tony burst out laughing as Peter screwed his eyes closed again.

‘No we’re not, i’s fine kiddo, it’s fun.’ Tony looked at Peter slightly concerned as he didn’t say anything but continued to squeeze his eyes closed; then as quickly as they’d started, they started slowing down and came to a stop outside a climbing activity centre and Tony undid their straps and unharnessed them both.

‘LET’S DO THAT AGAIN!’ Shouted Peter happily, grinning at Tony who looked at him in complete confusion.

‘I thought you hated it? You were shrieking about impending death for at least half of the ride.’

Peter looked at him like he was wearing a pineapple on his head. ‘Only until I got used to it! I actually loved it!’ Tony sighed in exasperation and ruffled his hair fondly.

Over their heads, Wanda and Natasha came zooming down and gradually came to a stop, with Wanda shrieking loudly and Natasha looking mightily bored.

They stopped and Tony helped Natasha to unbuckle them both as Wanda practically jumped out of the harness and addressed both Tony and Natasha.

‘Can we do that again? I enjoyed that very much!’ Natasha looked at her and raised her eyebrows at the young Avenger.

‘Wanda, you were just screaming like I’d chopped your arm off.’ She said pointedly at Wanda who shrugged. ‘It was scary, but I want to do it again!’ She then turned to Peter who nodded in agreement and they started to share their stories of ‘almost dying on the Zipline’ with each other, leaving Tony and Natasha looking incredulously at them both – muttering about ‘hormonal adolescents’, before an overhead scream made them both look up and burst out laughing.

‘HELP ME! SOMEONE? ANYONE?! I THINK I’VE SHAT MYSELF!’

Natasha and Tony had to duck, to avoid being kicked in the face by Sam, who had come to a very hard stop and his entire body swung up as he stopped screaming, but was panting heavily, looking like he was about to be sick.

‘Have fun Wilson?’ Natasha quipped, as she helped him down and he sank to his knees, kissing the ground.

‘No I did not have fun. I almost _died_! I am NEVER doing that again without my wings. Not cool man.’ He said looking at Natasha and Tony respectively, who were struggling to hide their smiles.

The rest of the team followed Sam, one by one, until at last Steve came down gracefully, looking mildly amused by the idea of Ziplining, as he undid his harness and joined the group.

‘So, apart from Sam, Bruce and surprisingly Clint…’ Tony turned to look at Clint who had just finished throwing up into a nearby bin and was looking very green. ‘…did you all actually enjoy that?’ Tony asked the group at large, who broke out into a chorus of ‘yes!’ 

***

‘Team Waffles, do you copy?’

‘Yes! Loud and clear Romanoff!’

‘Shush, we don’t want to be seen Barton.’

‘Oh yeah sorry – I’m waiting for the signal.’

‘Good. Steve – you ready?’

‘Yes, locked and loaded.’

‘Why do we have to be called Team Waffles? It’s a sissy name, why can’t we be called team Awesom-OUCH!’

‘Shut up Sam, we’re called Team Waffles, because the Kid picked the name, now be quiet and remember the plan, before they spot us. Kid – you in position?’

‘Yep! I’m ready to strike!’

It was the last evening of the trip to Maui and the Avengers were currently in the garden of the Holiday House, which Tony had vamped up – to make it look like a giant game of laser tag – but without the lasers – due to the heat, they were doing a sort of training exercise but they weren’t using their regular guns. The team had split up into two teams: Team Waffle – Natasha, Peter, Clint, Steve, Sam VS Team Epic – Tony, Bucky, Wanda, Rhodey, Bruce. (Vision and Thor decided not to play and instead had gone on a mild hike through the nearby Rainforest).

Peter was currently hiding behind a large rose bush and could see Rhodey’s feet across the pool, hiding behind a statue. When all of a sudden, Tony’s voice boomed ‘GO! FIRST TEAM WITH EVERYONE HIT ON IT LOSES!’ Immediately the ‘plan’ that Team Waffle had planned, went to shit and all hell broke loose.

Bruce was the first one to get hit in the face (of course by Natasha – who was grinning maliciously, ignoring Tony’s protests of ‘not in the face Romanoff!’) for good measure, she sent another shot to Bruce’s chest and he fell down in a heap. She tapped her ear piece as she ran to higher ground.

_‘Hulk is down, I repeat Hulk is down. Barton where are you?’_

_‘I fell out of the tree. Sorry Tasha. I’m tracking Barnes.’_

Natasha scowled and tried to spot members of her team (who were donning blue vests VS Tony’s who were wearing red ones). Her eyes locked on Sam and Steve, who were dodging shots from Tony and Wanda, running around like maniacs. Peter then came into her line of view and she grinned when she saw him successfully shoot Rhodey in the chest and felt a streak of pride, then tapped her ear-piece again.

_‘Good job Kid – get back into position now and help Sam and Steve out – I’m going to track Bucky with Clint! Stay hidden everyone!’_

Approximately two minutes later, Peter was hit in the shoulder by Bucky and was out, then Wanda was hit by Natasha, who managed to shoot Bucky, who then shot Sam and Clint in unison. Peter walked to the side slumped down on a bench, as that was only set up for the people who had been ‘hit’ and therefore according to Tony – were ‘losers’. He watched the rest of the game with a vague interest.

_‘Who is still alive on my team?’_

_‘Me. Tony shut up I’m concentrating on not getting shot here!’_

_‘Can the person who spoke identify themselves with a name please?’_

_‘Barnes.’_

_‘ELSA! YOU’RE ALIVE!’_

_‘Not for long if you keep talking to me, I’ve got Romanoff on my tail and she’s looking pretty scary.’_

_‘I can see Capsicle.’_

_‘I don’t care, I’m trying not get hit by a water gun here. Oh no…ARGHH!’_

_‘ELSA?! WHERE ARE YOU?!’_

_‘Fucking been shot by Natasha now, thanks a lot Stark.’_

_‘LAST MAN STANDING! HELP!’_

Peter and everyone on the bench were laughing their heads off, as they watched Bucky storm off, soaking wet, and then saw Tony run around the garden, before being cornered by Steve and Natasha who grinned at each other and pulled the trigger of their guns in unison.

‘YEY!’

‘WE WON!’

‘DAMN IT!’

‘THAT WAS YOUR FAULT!’

‘YOU’RE JUST A SORE LOSER!’

Natasha and Steve shook Tony’s wet hand, before he suddenly hoisted his water gun and soaked the both of them, who were too slow to realise what was happening as they were celebrating their win. All of a sudden, it turned into one giant water fight and Peter enjoyed every minute of it. Grinning happily the entire time – when he and Tony banded together and managed to take down Natasha and Clint, despite being soaked by Steve and Bucky. Peter’s highlight was definitely when he pushed Tony into the water and everyone followed suit, until it was time for them all to get dry and for Peter to get ready for bed, as they were leaving early in the morning to go back to the Compound.

Peter got ready for bed, happy that he hadn’t had a nightmare the previous night and so felt comfortable enough to settle into bed, without any anxiety about sleeping. He saw his bedroom door open with familiar footsteps entering the room, as he hopped into bed and snuggled under his covers, yawning softly.

‘Hey bud. You all ready for bed?’ Tony asked and when Peter nodded, he smiled and sat down on the side of the bed and ran his hands through his freshly showered hair, fondly.

‘Had a good time here?’

‘Yeah! I absolutely loved! Thank you so much, not just for the mini-break, but for adopting me and everything, it….it means a lot to me and…oofft!’ Tony had pulled him in for a hug, which Peter reciprocated instantly, smiling when he felt Tony kiss the top of his head.

‘Pete. I love you so much and so does Nat and everyone else. Adopted or not, you were always our son and we were just happy to make it official finally. Love you Bambino.’ He gave him a final squeeze, then let go of him and lifted the duvet up, which Peter happily got back under - snuggling back into bed again, smiling as Tony tucked him in, until he frowned softly.

‘Where’s mom? She said she’d say goodnight, but she hasn’t?’

‘She’s coming up to say goodnight in a minute, she’s just having a little talk with Thor about remembering not to use his hammer to light up the fire outside, after he accidentally set the Gazebo alight yesterday.’ Peter giggled and nodded, as Tony kissed the top of his head and stood up. When all of a sudden, they heard a faint scream from Peter’s open bedroom window and footsteps making their way up to Peter’s door, as Natasha entered, looking extremely pleased. She crossed the room and kissed Peter, then looked at him fondly.

‘Hey Kid, sorry about being a bit late – Thor was being a moron, as per usual. Anyway, did you have a good mini vacation here?’ Peter nodded sleepily and recounted his favourite part – the water fight, much to Tony’s annoyance – as his team lost, but Natasha nodded, looking pleased. 

'Love you mom, love you dad.' Then Peter sighed in contentment and finally succumbed to sleep, listening to the replies of his adopted parents.

'Love you Pete.'

'Sweet dreams маленький паук. Love you.' Natasha and Tony smiled at his sleeping peaceful form, then they turned out the light and crept out softly.

Tony closed the door as Natasha looked at him.

‘We’ve got a good Kid there.’ Tony nodded. ‘We do.’

‘Thanks for this trip and for letting me sign the adoption papers, I think I’m finally getting the hang of this parental stuff.’ Tony chuckled softly. ‘You make a good mom, Natasha. I knew you would. I'm honoured to co-parent with you.'

Natasha grinned. ‘Right back at you Tony, by the way, you make a good dad too. Thanks for everything, not just with Peter, but with me too.'

Tony smiled and slung an arm over her shoulders, as they made their way back outside to sit with the rest of the team, who were roasting s'mores outside. 'Anytime Nat. That's what dysfunctional families are for. Speaking of our family, let's go before Barton and Thor eat all the s'mores.' 

They both walked back outside, hand in hand, and as Natasha looked out over the group of Avengers who were roasting s'mores, talking happily about highlights from their trip, she felt a familiar warmth blossom in her chest. She glanced up at Peter's open bedroom window and smiled. She knew that Peter's mental health problems and even her own, were a work in progress, but she knew that they could overcome it together, with the help of their family.

She thought back to how she felt when she was Peter's age and at that moment, surrounded by her whole family, she was finally strong enough to admit to herself, who she was now. She was Natasha Romanoff, Black Widow, Assassin, Spy, Avenger, Mother and she was finally happy; and she knew that with the help of her family, that they would all make sure that Peter never felt alone again, just like they had helped her all those years ago. 


End file.
